Aussie65 Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 hi everyone,this is my first time to this board so I am hoping I may get a little advice here from someone. I met some months ago in a chat site a guy that has really taken me on a wonderful journey over time with at first chatting on MSN then going to daily phone calls.I have really grown to what I feel like is love during this time and for the first time we met last night! He lives in the same city as I do and we both left it till now to meet for various reasons,more to do with me just not long coming out of a relationship and needing to move on from that. Well last night we met in a public place and took a long stroll along the water front where we sat down and talked for hours,It was so perfect and I did not want the night to end. We both want to be with other so much yet there is a problem that is confusing him a great deal and it is this.Even though he confirms he loves me and showed this to me last night,he tells me today he is confused after telling me I was everything he imagined and loved what he saw and our time together.You see,we are from different cultural backgrounds,I being a Catholic and him a Muslim(Islamic).He shares a house with some relatives and for them to find out he is with an Australian woman and pass this to his family back home overseas would be disastrous!I don;t know if anyone is familiar of their beliefs at all but running around with women like this is not permitted and especially with the cirummstances of him coming here in the first place which was to teach at a University with the agreement that he would not involve himself in any kind of relationship.In his country they pay you to go to Uni,his purpose to come here was to make money and take it home-no more according to the Government and his family. So now I come along and throw this all out for him and I can see where he is coming from but at the same time what we have is real and I want him to know that he has nothing to be scared of.He tells me he loves me and then tells me he is scared of things not working out-people are already asking him questions in regards to having a relationship with someone so he is finding it hard to cover up. This is a whole lot bigger then he and I but one thing I know is I want to be with him but how with all these pressures on him?He is worried we may fall out of love(well that can happen to anyone) I think more importantly to him because once he decides not to go back to his Country he will not be allowed back and his family will disown him.How can I reassure him that things will be fine?I want to enjoy being with him,it's like a dream come true without these doubts.how can we do this?
amaysngrace Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 You see,we are from different cultural backgrounds,I being a Catholic and him a Muslim(Islamic) is there any way you would convert to his religion to be with him, and if you'd be willing to, would that be okay with his relatives?
Author Aussie65 Posted March 19, 2006 Author Posted March 19, 2006 hi and thankyou for your reply!I never thought of this,in fact my religion and his are based on the same God and very much the same beliefs.That is a fantastic idea although I know it would disappoint my Father a great deal-what a marvellous idea yesssssssssss thankyou!I will speak to him about this.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 19, 2006 Author Posted March 19, 2006 I agree!one would not think it could divide people like this.
amaysngrace Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 in fact my religion and his are based on the same God Aussie65, i am under the presumption that all religions are based on the same God. good luck to you!
whichwayisup Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I hate to say this, but the odds are stacked up against you. It's a tough spot to be in, to choose between religion and family desires - And you. Eventually it could come down to that. Unless you are willing to convert to Islam, and get your parents on side with you...Because the chances of him giving up his religion are slim to none. Also, not being allowed to go back into his home country is alot to deal with too. Friends, family, familiar life. You both have some thinking to do.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 I hate to say this, but the odds are stacked up against you. It's a tough spot to be in, to choose between religion and family desires - And you. Eventually it could come down to that. Unless you are willing to convert to Islam, and get your parents on side with you...Because the chances of him giving up his religion are slim to none. Also, not being allowed to go back into his home country is alot to deal with too. Friends, family, familiar life. You both have some thinking to do. I feel this too but no matter who he gets with here in this Country it will be the same deal unless he finds another Muslim. It's just not fair.
justagirliegirl Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 More importantly you two just met so why not relax and not worry about these things and just get to know he other in person better.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 I am thinking things are not going to go much further now.Since I first posted I sent him two text messages,one saying just a simple 'I miss you' he sent me one back which was 'I just woke up'-really not what you want to hear.I then went out for a while with some friends last night to celerbrat St Patricks day,knowing he had work to do I did not see this as a problem so anyhow I sent him a text from there saying hi etc and he never returned my call or even bothered to reply to my emails I sent him yesterday. I texted him this morning early saying hello etc and got a cold one back saying that he was onilne last night waiting..........he never told me he would be and I do have a life too,I cannot be expected to just sit around hoping for him to log on.He was online and still never emailed me in reply to mine that I sent him yesterday so I have no idea what is going on and it's bothering me. It seems like now the chase is over he does not want me anymore,when I saw him two nights ago he said he had fallen inlove with me and wanted to carry on with this relationship. This is confusing me and I really am not into games I'm afraid,I would rather he be upfront with me and tell me straight then mess around with my feelings.I am feeling now I am going to get hurt in this.
Citizen Erased Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 I do get the feeling that no matter if you converted, his family will still be disappointed. You are not Muslim. You are Australian I would assume, from your name, and this is what you will have to deal with. You would have to move to his country and embrace all of his customs. You will have to be treated as a second class citizen, something you are not used to living in such a multicultural society. I would have to say get out of this before it gets out of hand. You will fall more in love and get sucked into something way over your head and before you know it everything will blow up. Why spend more time with him when he will move away from your country inevitably and you may or may not have to go with him?
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 I would have to say get out of this before it gets out of hand. You will fall more in love and get sucked into something way over your head and before you know it everything will blow up. Why spend more time with him when he will move away from your country inevitably and you may or may not have to go with him? He wants to live in Australia and has told me this,there is no way I could ever move there because of our cultural/religious differences.....pretty sad huh?
whichwayisup Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 I feel this too but no matter who he gets with here in this Country it will be the same deal unless he finds another Muslim. It's just not fair. It is unfair. I do have to say, I'm sure he is hurting too, which is why he's acting cold towards you. He probably doesn't know how to handle this as men aren't the best in showing emotions sometimes... I suggest to keep your walls up abit more around him, detach and just know that if the circumstances were different you two would be together... The kind of feelings you two have for eachother is painful because it won't work out, so that is the main reason why I think he's backing off from you. Keep busy, go out with friends, live life - And try not to let the hurt get to you too much.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 It is unfair. I do have to say, I'm sure he is hurting too, which is why he's acting cold towards you. He probably doesn't know how to handle this as men aren't the best in showing emotions sometimes... I suggest to keep your walls up abit more around him, detach and just know that if the circumstances were different you two would be together... The kind of feelings you two have for eachother is painful because it won't work out, so that is the main reason why I think he's backing off from you. Keep busy, go out with friends, live life - And try not to let the hurt get to you too much I know and this could be it,I have had wild thoughts that now he has been with me he doesn't want me anymore-the chase is over but I know the kind of person he is and that would be against his principals.I feel perhaps he is feeling pressured by questions from people he lives with that are also from his Country and would not be impressed if he threw it all away for me and they would contact his family as well,this he has told me. I am not going to pressure him,I am in fact going to back off and see how things turn out.I just wish life was a little more simple then this.
genegri Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 sorry if i sound harsh, but i think it's very irresponsible of him to know that he has so many baggages yet still to pursue a relationship (even if started only as an on line one) with you. He should have thought all these issues through before he started to seriously date an aussie woman. yes, it might be unfair, but you shouldn't be the martyr. it's more unfair for you to have to deal with his problems. honestly, he sounds more like a game player to me. i hope he proves me wrong. i really wish you the best because you sound so caring.
Author Aussie65 Posted March 20, 2006 Author Posted March 20, 2006 sorry if i sound harsh, but i think it's very irresponsible of him to know that he has so many baggages yet still to pursue a relationship (even if started only as an on line one) with you. He should have thought all these issues through before he started to seriously date an aussie woman. yes, it might be unfair, but you shouldn't be the martyr. it's more unfair for you to have to deal with his problems. honestly, he sounds more like a game player to me. i hope he proves me wrong. i really wish you the best because you sound so caring. He is and as I have stated in my other thread I made after this one he was playing me.He told me last night after telling me how much he loved me and was inlove with me two nights ago that now he does not know what he wants and that we could never be GF and BF,nice to know now huh?Worse thing is and I never said this on the other thread but I slept with him on the second night we met!We had been chatting for months on the phone and online and honestly I thought we truly loved each other! so there you have it........I gave myself to the creep and he got what he wanted and got rid of me.One would not think a person would go to so much trouble huh? Sorry lesson learned in life here.
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