kitten chick Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Someone in another forum wrote this and seeing as it just came up here I wanted to post it. I think it's a great post... Sometimes the people hardest to like are the people who need love the most. That includes the cynical and bitter minority we are criticizing. We may be inadvertently pushing them away even more by banding together in our happiness and criticizing them. We may be validating what they already think of themselves...........that they are indeed unlovable people. Yes we should be happy for those who are happy. This I do not deny. But we should also be sympathetic to those who are hurting. I believe that the people who are the hardest to hug are the very same people who need hugs the most. When a puppy is kicked enough times it will be more likely to bite your hand instead of trust you. It is because it lacked love in its life. It is harder to love a mean biting puppy as opposed to a cute and cuddly one, but the sad irony is that the former probably needs to be loved that much more to undo what has been done to it.
SmoochieFace Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Words of wisdom... whoever wrote that deserves a firm handshake from me. Thank you for sharing that.
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 That is very true. I have a friend who I haven't given up on. Has many issues and can be quite harsh and push people away, but I haven't given up. Sometimes I don't know why because I've been treated like crap ... Just something in me knows this person needs me and I can't turn my back. I expect NOTHING so I don't get disappointed, but what makes me happy is when they have a good day and are feeling happy. Sometimes people's past experiences and childhoods really mess up one's future friendships... Good post and glad you shared it!
Lil Honey Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 KC: Would you please put up the link? Sometimes the people hardest to like are the people who need love the most . . . We may be inadvertently pushing them away even more . . . We may be validating what they already think of themselves...........that they are indeed unlovable people. I would add that a great many people put up walls to protect themselves from further hurt. I have done this without even realizing it. Another one of my tactics to keep from being hurt, was to unconsciously push people away. If they weren't getting close to me, there was less chance of me getting hurt by them. I have read that this is what happens with overweight people (and maybe others who do other self-destructing behaviors).
Lil Honey Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 what makes me happy is when they have a good day and are feeling happy. This is what motivates me as well. And being there, trying to help, serves a dual purpose for me - I learn more about patience. Since I have so little of it , I need all the help I can get.
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 PM her and she'll give you the link. Not sure if it's cool to post another forum link out here. This is what motivates me as well. And being there, trying to help, serves a dual purpose for me - I learn more about patience. Since I have so little of it , I need all the help I can get True, I agree with you about the patience thing. Some may look at it as I'm being taken advantage of, I try not to look at it that way. I don't get sucked into the games, or any bulls***. I listen, and help, tell funny stories, whatever...But I personally don't get involved and make their stuff MY problem. I know I can't fix much, or solve the problems...But I can make their life abit easier.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 That is very true, Kitten Chick. And while I might not be a biting puppy, I can be a scratching, hissing kitty at times. And sometimes when someone (usually a complete stranger who is OD'd on happy) tells me to smile, I just want to scratch their effing eyes out. Sometimes when life hands you a pile of s*** to deal with, smiling is not an option.
monkey00 Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 very well quoted kittenchick. very true, no one can be happy all the time in reality. Everyone faces their own issues/problems daily and must overcome this themselves, or at least try. if they never overcome these obstacles, they live with it daily and it hinders their way of life...but they may not see it in such a way. it is good to be there for them and support em when theyre down. Often times than not, most of the people in my life including close friends can be very closed off, particularly pessimistic...But everybody needs their space from time to time. However it's all in the way they perceive things and outlook on his/her approach to life. Some people change drastically in life due to traumatic/daily experiences. And some people...are always going to be the same. Would be scary if this world was an all happy place wouldnt it?
lindya Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 very well quoted kittenchick. very true, no one can be happy all the time in reality. Everyone faces their own issues/problems daily and must overcome this themselves, or at least try. if they never overcome these obstacles, they live with it daily and it hinders their way of life...but they may not see it in such a way. it is good to be there for them and support em when theyre down. Often times than not, most of the people in my life including close friends can be very closed off, particularly pessimistic...But everybody needs their space from time to time. However it's all in the way they perceive things and outlook on his/her approach to life. Some people change drastically in life due to traumatic/daily experiences. And some people...are always going to be the same. Would be scary if this world was an all happy place wouldnt it? It would be like Truman's World. I used to work in residential settings with troubled (and often violent) adolescents, and I think it gave me a certain amount of compassion fatigue. When they were in the mood to riot, we'd be spat at, verbally abused, kicked, bitten and scratched. There was no security to help out, and we weren't allowed to use lock-ins as these weren't secure units. You could call the police, but they'd often take forever to arrive. After it had subsided, we'd be expected to sympathetically counsel our young attackers as part of crisis management. Then we'd get our own debriefing from the manager the next day. One time I was asked the usual "how are you feeling" and I responded "like throwing them all into a pit together and letting them tear eachother to pieces." I got the usual sympathetic response, then a bit of a lecture about not taking things personally and "these young people don't owe you anything....." That just sticks in my brain. If you choose to be compassionate and caring in your dealings with others, you have to watch out for them taking a view that your tolerance, compassion and care should be limitless...and that whilst striving to meet other people's unrealistic expectations of you, you should have no expectations of them in return. That's just unrealistic fairytale land stuff, but those troubled young people I worked with seemed to have that view about staff. As if we were there to absorb all the crap with patience and tolerance. Kind of like the way a wife-beater views his spouse. That was the time in my life when I learned that however bitter and troubled another person might be, it's absolutely vital to help them retain sight of the fact that other people have their limits and boundaries and don't exist wholly as endless wells of saintly sympathy. I think there are people in life, and a lot of them on Loveshack, who are very anxious to provide care and compassion to others. They're the ones who will be touched by the message Kittenchick posted....and possibly start getting all those nagging doubts and guilty feelings of "am I doing enough to help others? Am I being compassionate/caring enough? Am I sometimes not as patient or tolerant as I could be?" Then there are others who haven't any interest in anyone beyond themselves, who would read a message like that and automatically respond with the thought "Exactly! Other people aren't as patient and tolerant with me as they should be...."
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