Guest Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Hi would really appreciate some advice from you if you can. I am married just under a year and have been through a very rough ride with this particular person, I do love him but just not sure if it is for life. What started this off is I have been working with someone for the last six yrs and always have had a secret crush on him. He is married with two kids one of which is his own she is 3. I don’t see him much as he works on the road but we are in contact a good bit and have always been extremely close but very professional. In the last few weeks however, we have started texting more and more, to cut a long story short, we called each other and basically he told me he has been crazy about me for years, couldn’t come to my wedding or anything as he didn’t think he could watch me, he believes we are soul mates and have met at the wrong time. He said he cant get me out of his head and thinks about me day and night. I told him I felt the same and we arranged to meet, the next day I got a text saying he cant to it to his wife and the kids as he feels he would fall to head over heels for me and its better to stop now before its too late. I really admire him for this, he is married and a dad I completely agree with him. However, now I have to keep working for him and i don’t know if I can, he is in my head 24/7 and beginning to effect my relationship with my husband, I truly believe we are meant to be together. What do I do? Do I just sit and wait, do you think he will change his mind again? Tks
scarletletter Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 I think I would do nothing since he pretty much told you that he can't and that he decided not to persue the relationship. That should be all you needed to hear. It really sucks when you work with him every day. I wouldn't push the issue at all or you might end up losing your job or worse. Try to forget about it since he said he changed his mind. If he is already worried about hurting his wife, I seriously doubt that he would do anything more that would really hurt her.
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Because he has told you he can't and doesn't want to hurt his wife and children, YOU now should respect that. He is probably still tempted abit, and probably does want it to happen, but you have to be strong! It's now up to you NOT to pursue him. It's selfish and cruel to do this his wife and his young children. Find a single man, who you can love and not someone's elses husband. Even if he is showing signs of interest in you, how far do you think it would go? I mean, he won't leave his wife and children for you. If you can take a giant step back and SEE the full situation, all the pain and heartache that an affair would cause ALL of you, maybe you will stop and think, decide not to go after this MM.
quankanne Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 he is in my head 24/7 and beginning to effect my relationship with my husband, I truly believe we are meant to be together. What do I do? Do I just sit and wait, do you think he will change his mind again? before you even BEGIN thinking about starting a new relationship, you need to resolve the one you're in now. Seriously give your marriage your all, so that should you decide it's a bust, you can say you did your best to make it work. And should you decide to divorce your husband, concentrate on getting divorced, out of that relationship completely so that you both will be free to pursue new love interests. despite the chemistry you feel for your co-worker, you need to take care of the business at hand. I admire this man for being sensible enough to walk away from temptation. Now you need to do the same, because you'll have time to chase after available men when you become available yourself. an aside here: the first 5-8 years of marriage are a booger, and you're going to make yourself more miserable than not trying to merge together two lives into one. Unless there are serious problems involved (physical abuse, emotional abuse, substance abuse, etc.) you really owe it to yourself to make things work out. That's how relationships grow strong, by hanging in there and making a good thing work, not going after the bull in the pasture across the way simply because he's grazing in a greener pasture than you are.
Guest Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 hi there, its me the original poster, tks for your replies, I just wanted to give u an update. You were right it is not right for him or ME to pursue this. This forum has shown me that EVERYBODY ends up hurting there is no easy way to carry out an A. HOWEVER, I now work solely for this person, he is very enthusiastic about the two of us working together, and I am too dont get me wrong but the spark is there, the excuses to talk together are still there, I suppose the only good thing is he is on the road so we wont actaully see that much of each other just talking a couple of times a day. my point is do you think his feelings are still there, tucked away safe but still there??
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