KittenMoon Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 It's St. Patty's Day. As of tonight, I won't have seen him for 3 weeks since I picked up my stuff, with the exception of one time when he drove by my while I was on a walk. I imagine he's going to go out to a bar tonight with his friend, the girl I hate now with all my heart because I feel her extremely dependent friendship was part of what drove us apart. Hell, maybe he's already broken his promise that he'd never get involved with her. I imagine him laughing and having fun with her, and checking out all the girls at the bar, and drinking a big pint of Guinness which is his favorite, and looking so f-ing beautiful. And not giving a thought at all to me. In the meantime, I'll be holed up with a friend, miserable, ranting, watching movies and knitting in a feeble attempt to not have another breakdown. The guy I used to know would have been appalled at the idea of trolling for phone numbers in a bar- how do people change so much?! I feel like all I was in the end was a channel for him into being just like most guys, ie. complete insensitive jerks. (sorry guys) He used to be this amazing, sensitive, dedicated soul. He FINALLY emailed our friends back, who have been trying to contact him since this happened. According to one, they say it sounds like he's having a hard time but says he's as good as can be under the circumstances. Why do I feel like that's just BS? Even after we were together for 6 years, all I can imagine is him being utterly relieved and happy to be away from me and being all ready to go pick up bar skanks. The idea of meeting guys puts me into a cold sweat. I wish he was feeling a tenth of the pain I am feeling. I can't even believe it's gotten to this point.
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