SH24 Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 The say u can’t choose who u fall in love with well I think this is something along those lines, they only problem is I don’t know if it is love or lust. My background : been in love once - was in a serious relationship for nearly 3 years. It was a very bad break up. This is the first time since (several yrs) I feel something strong for a girl. Her background: she is currently in a 2-year relationship and from what I’ve been told she is in love. It is the only relationship she has ever been in. This girl is really attractive, very sweet she has this innocence to her. our relationship is pretty much about constant deliberate arguments - we love to fight about silly little things and which I find refreshing, also she is a really honest, kind and a simplistic girl everything is black and white to her. The thing is she is totally the opposite of what I normally go for physically she isn’t my type I go for more curvy, outgoing deep girls, she is quite reserved where as I am very friendly, flirty, even loud - only recently she started to open up to me and only me, we don’t really have that much in common. But as of late we have gotten really close simply through spending a lot of time together and flirtation. To begin with on my part it was just to see how far I can take this (seduction if u like) but now it seems I have fallen for her big time! I think about her all the time, the problem is I don’t really know if she feels the same way, I know one thing she isn’t the type to cheat but then again she has only been involved with one guy, how can she be sure that he is the one. I know I’m being silly my friends think it’s a major crush and I should just stay away from her. But its really hard when I’m around her it feels really good and I simply can keep my hands off her. What do I do? If I confess to her I might just scare her away and anything she might feel for me. On the other hand if I keep it inside me it will just eat me up - when do I tell her - when is the right time? I need to know if there is something that she feels for me without me making a fool out of myself. To top it off I don’t think I can break someone up if I’m not sure if my feelings are anything more than just lust!
blind_otter Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 The say u can’t choose who u fall in love with well I think this is something along those lines, they only problem is I don’t know if it is love or lust. My background : been in love once - was in a serious relationship for nearly 3 years. It was a very bad break up. This is the first time since (several yrs) I feel something strong for a girl. Her background: she is currently in a 2-year relationship and from what I’ve been told she is in love. It is the only relationship she has ever been in. This girl is really attractive, very sweet she has this innocence to her. our relationship is pretty much about constant deliberate arguments - we love to fight about silly little things and which I find refreshing, also she is a really honest, kind and a simplistic girl everything is black and white to her. The thing is she is totally the opposite of what I normally go for physically she isn’t my type I go for more curvy, outgoing deep girls, she is quite reserved where as I am very friendly, flirty, even loud - only recently she started to open up to me and only me, we don’t really have that much in common. But as of late we have gotten really close simply through spending a lot of time together and flirtation. To begin with on my part it was just to see how far I can take this (seduction if u like) but now it seems I have fallen for her big time! I think about her all the time, the problem is I don’t really know if she feels the same way, I know one thing she isn’t the type to cheat but then again she has only been involved with one guy, how can she be sure that he is the one. I know I’m being silly my friends think it’s a major crush and I should just stay away from her. But its really hard when I’m around her it feels really good and I simply can keep my hands off her. What do I do? If I confess to her I might just scare her away and anything she might feel for me. On the other hand if I keep it inside me it will just eat me up - when do I tell her - when is the right time? I need to know if there is something that she feels for me without me making a fool out of myself. To top it off I don’t think I can break someone up if I’m not sure if my feelings are anything more than just lust! I think this is lust.
Author SH24 Posted March 17, 2006 Author Posted March 17, 2006 lets say ur right, i still would like to know if she feels anything for me - when do i speak to her?
blind_otter Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 You have no business involving yourself in a pre-exisitng relationship. Regardless of how you feel, you can't behave as if her boyfriend doesn't exist. That's pretty low.
elijahBailey Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Sounds like a major crush. Can't say whether it's love or lust. Can we explain how we feel all the time? I think not. But the fact that she's out of reach makes her more appealing to you. I doubt if anything is gonna come out of this situation. You gonna get hurt in the end if you pursue it. If you want closure, tell her how you feel. Chances are that your feelings will not be reciprocated. If so, pack your bags and move on. There's no shame in that. Really.
Guest Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 If you don't have very much in common, then yes, it's lust. I'm with the others - don't break up someone else's relationship.
blind_otter Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Sounds like a major crush. Can't say whether it's love or lust. Can we explain how we feel all the time? I think not. But the fact that she's out of reach makes her more appealing to you. I doubt if anything is gonna come out of this situation. You gonna get hurt in the end if you pursue it. If you want closure, tell her how you feel. Chances are that your feelings will not be reciprocated. If so, pack your bags and move on. There's no shame in that. Really. Soooo, if a dude had a crush on your GF and pledged his feelings to her, you'd be ok with that? I honestly wouldn't feel comfortable with someone doing that with someone I was committed to - especially if I'd been with my partner for 2 years.
Author SH24 Posted March 18, 2006 Author Posted March 18, 2006 "You have no business involving yourself in a pre-exisitng relationship. Regardless of how you feel, you can't behave as if her boyfriend doesn't exist. That's pretty low" blind otter first off all i reckon she is into me on some level and secondly i don't think i am being low, what if this guy isn't right for her, she has told me things about him negatives things ie her b/f is getting overprotective, and extremely jelous, she told me she doesn't like that kind of behaviour. And also people break up and move on there is nothing wrong with it, its happend to me before and people i know have broken up with their partners to be with someone else and it has worked out. "If you want closure, tell her how you feel. Chances are that your feelings will not be reciprocated. If so, pack your bags and move on. There's no shame in that. Really." I agree with elijahbaily i will tell her how i feel when the time is right and then i'll take it from there!
tikigods Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 It isn't your place though to try to break something off. If they guy isn't right for her then thats her issue to deal with, throwing yourself into the mix won't solve any problems and more then likely cause more. Sounds to me that this is a crush with a mix of lust. Before you go and play homewrecker I say tell her how you feel and see what happens, but Iwouldn't be surpsied if its nothing
elijahBailey Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Soooo, if a dude had a crush on your GF and pledged his feelings to her, you'd be ok with that? I honestly wouldn't feel comfortable with someone doing that with someone I was committed to - especially if I'd been with my partner for 2 years. Naw, I wouldn't be okay with that. But I'm one of those who think that, so long as the person (be it guy or girl) is not married, it's fair game. Don't mean I'm comfortable with that, but I feel da dude's got the right to speak his mind. Don't mean I advocate cheating; which I don't. But in the OP's case, let's say she finds the chemistry's better between OP and her, she could decide to get out of her current relationship first. But I seriously doubt OP has a chance with her. All the odds are stacked up against him. I wouldn't do it if I were in his position because I know what the likely outcome would be. But, if OP wants closure, he should ask....
blind_otter Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 I always say closure doesn't need to involve the other person. Mainly because I have a psychotic ex who is obsessed with me. If you need the other person to get closure, no one who has had a family member die would ever get closure. Which isn't true. I don't know how many times male friends of mine have totally misconstrued my behavior with them, put me in an embarassing situation where they were hitting on me, then I had to end the friendship. I don't think the whole fair game thing is cool. For me, when I'm in a relationship I would hope that people would have enough respect to leave me to resolve my relationship issues without adding further painful complications.
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