kpin124 Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Allright last night i think i relized how it feels to get caught in all this mess............. I was doing some work on the computer after my mother had left,my h was sitting in the front room watching tv it was almost 10 and my house phone rang didn't think much of it my mom had taken my son with her and i figured it was her and it was...... well about 10:05 my cell rings i kind of freaked out because my cell never rings that late so i got it out of my purse didn't recognize the number so i turned it to silent so my h wouldn't ask who was calling.... well i entered the number into the computer on a reverse phone number directory and what came up about made me pass out....it was my mm home phone number then my phone starts to ring again and again and again never leaving a message but continues to call after about 6 call it had stopped or so i thought..... all of this happened between 10 - 10:30 well all that is going thru my head is she found out he gave me up i know he would never call me that late for fear my h would hear the phone or he might wake up my son.... well around 11 the phone starts ringing again so i finally picked it up to see what i could hear and finally someone says "hello" it was her it was his wife i can't breathe can't think my stomach hurts so bad i want to throw up but she hangs up she just hung up..... then i get a voice mail so i listen to it and here is what was said i might add that it was said in a very nice tone of voice...... it was his w and she says hi and then my name this is her name and that she is his w and she is trying to figure out why the 2 of us have been texting each other and (he has told her a story that isnt true) and she told me she doesn't believe him and wants me to call her and she gave me her home phone number........... well while i was listening to that voice mail he called me and i missed the damn call because i was listening to the message his wife left well he left me one to and this is what he said........ hey my name i just wanted to let you know my w has done some digging and found your number and is going to try and call you so right now don't text me i have to patch things up with her first even though nothing happen i need to patch things up with her so don't text right now i am really sorry...... his voice sounded genuine i felt better after hearing from him but i wish i would have got to talk to him to let him know that she had already called. but here's the thing he didn't give me up just like he said and the number he called from wasn't his home number or his cell so i am guessing that he wasn't staying at home last night........ i couldnt sleep at all last night i know she is going to keep calling me untill i give her an answer and i am not doing that untill i talk to him and i don't know when that might be...... i am just hurting right now and don't know what will come next i am scared for once during this whole mess i am finally scared and i find myself saying "what have i done what have i done what have i done"
foolinlove Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 When my MM W called for the first time, I was very quiet, let her do the talking. She asked me questions....how long has this been going on? Does he tell you he loves you? Don't you think you are too young for him? the questions went on and on...and all I said was....I think you should speak to him about these questions you have. She INSISTED I gave her more information, but I didn't feel like it was my place to tell her your husband has been cheating on you over half your marriage. I simply told her I did not have answers for her, and to get them from your husband. The other calls were a bit more detailed between the two of us. Until you speak to your MM and what avenue he plans to go with the W, I would just keep things real basic. We are friends! Please ask him these questions. This is tough because you are married, I am not. I suppose if you dont' want your H to find out, be nice, yet firm. Good luck.
Author kpin124 Posted March 17, 2006 Author Posted March 17, 2006 ok well he called me this morning but i didn't get to the phone in time to answer so he ended up leaving me a voicemail.... he sounded awful i am sure he didn't get any sleep last night because i know i didn't...... well he said that he was really sorry for dragging me into all of this and he never ment for this to happen that he didn't think that she could find out who he was texting..... well he told me the story that he told her and it was the same thing she had said last night and he doesn't want me to talk to her he said sorry several times and he told me he would call me next week probably from a pay phone and for me not to text his phone untill he got this worked out with her......... i just know she is going to call me again why wouldn't she i haven't given her any answers yet and that is what she wants....... but it sounds like he has told her that we are friends met online and had been texting nothing more than that but she doesn't believe him so i am hoping that he can convence her of that story.........
cal gal Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 I would recommend not corresponding with her.... only will lead to her feeling as though she can ask you anything, anytime... IF she does ever get in touch with you, since you too are married, I guess I would give as little information as necessary to make her go away. Allow her to do ALL the talking. That way you are not giving out info unless pushed. I have not been in this situation, but I am the BS, so from my persective as the one who was betrayed, I would have never asked, it shows she is insecure in more than one area.... Give up as little info as needed.... it will only hurt you to tell.
Author kpin124 Posted March 17, 2006 Author Posted March 17, 2006 I don't think i will answer the phone unless i know who is calling me because i don't want to answer it and it be her....... she doesn't trust him she told me in the message that she left that she didn't believe him and she was trying to figure out what was going on..... she also ask me to call her which i am not going to do but i figure she will keep calling me untill she get the answer she wants unless he can convence her and right now i am hoping for that. i guess if she keeps calling me i can change my number.....
cal gal Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 do not answer then UNLESS you recognize the number as a familiar one!!!! she could easily call you from a friends phone to trick you into answering or do the *67 thing so her number doesn't show at all... just shows private number calling... if you end up having to speak with her she may want an answer as to why you didn't return her call.... remember - easier to give no info than to satisfy her need to know. That is really between the two of them. I would say - you need to communicate these questions with your husband for the answers you are looking for....
lalaland Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Playing devils advocate here. Why dont you answer the phone, and tell her the truth. WHat are you afraid of? Tell her what he has been doing, I know YOU would want someone to tell you. The wife will not believe you are just friends, she wont leave you alone. The truth will set you free! Tell her you will tell her everything, but only if she does not ever call you again. Her H will never tell her, never. Would you want that to happen to you as a wife?
Author kpin124 Posted March 17, 2006 Author Posted March 17, 2006 I don't want to tell her the truth in fear that she will then tell my husband...... I am trying to save my marriage here and i believe he is doing the same by telling her that we are just friends that meet online and we started texting each other..... anyway the 2 of us had a deal that we wouldn't give the other person up no reason to destroy both of our families and i am not going to rat him out to his wife..... i would never do that
cal gal Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 I don't want to tell her the truth in fear that she will then tell my husband...... I am trying to save my marriage here and i believe he is doing the same by telling her that we are just friends that meet online and we started texting each other..... anyway the 2 of us had a deal that we wouldn't give the other person up no reason to destroy both of our families and i am not going to rat him out to his wife..... i would never do that If you weren't married yourself I might give you different advice, but just lay low and say as little as possible without needing to lie....
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 I think you should tell your husband NOW. If you don't do it soon, your MM's wife WILL be at some point. She KNOWS what's going on and is just letting things play out, watching reactions and looking for information. It's only a matter of time before she contacts your husband. I'm sorry to freak you out, but it would be better that you tell your H what has been happening, rather than your MM's wife. You and your MM have that pact, but trust me, he will break the promise if it means protecting himself and saving his marriage, and his kids if he has any. You two need to end this completely now. NO looking back, just do it and fix your own marriages.
lalaland Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 I don't want to tell her the truth in fear that she will then tell my husband...... I am trying to save my marriage here and i believe he is doing the same by telling her that we are just friends that meet online and we started texting each other..... anyway the 2 of us had a deal that we wouldn't give the other person up no reason to destroy both of our families and i am not going to rat him out to his wife..... i would never do that Oh believe me, I can understand that. But as a BS, I have to say that if I talked to my H OW, and she was honest, wanted to end the affair, and really wanted to work on her marriage, then I would respect her and not tell her husband. BUT, I would make it perfectly clear that if I saw another text message, phone call, or anything, I would tell her husband. Dont think she has not thought about wether or not you do have a H, and just telling him her suspusions is enough for him to find out. Us wives are not that scarey. We feel just like the OW. But, if you are respectful, as we can be, and mature adults, we can talk openly about it and solve it. You did say yourself she had a plesent tone. You can talk to this woman, I sound just like her. I was clam, just wanted desperatly to know what it was he had with another woman. I just wanted to know. You were sleeping with her husband. You DO have a right to tell her. This is her husband, not a boyfriend. I wish you well....
Owl Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 I have to agree with WWIU (as always). If she's got your home and cell phone number, it's now just a matter of time before this gets to your H...it's not a question of if, but of WHEN. Since he's now dealing with his wife, it's time for you to deal with your H. And, it's a tremendous opportunity for you to prove what kind of person you are...are you going to lie like HE did about you??? Or are you going to be honest with a man that you love? (Or at the very least, once loved.) Tell you H what is really going on...figure out what your next steps are from here (divorce/seperation from your H, end it with OM...up to you). WWIU is right...now it's just a matter of time.
Author kpin124 Posted March 17, 2006 Author Posted March 17, 2006 i am just scared to tell my h......... part of me thinks i should tell him and then again part of me thinks i should leave it alone and see what happens.... mm w only has my cell number and she knows my first name because she heard it on my voicemail so right now i still feel some what safe as to her not telling my h.......... i guess by me not telling him i feel like i am protecting him and my son from not getting hurt....
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Eventually your husband will be finding out ... It's only a matter of time before your MM's wife calls your husband to talk to him. She could hire a PI and find where you live very easily too. I know you don't want to hurt your husband and son, and I hate to say this, but you are already, even though they aren't aware of it...Yet. The only way to stop the hurt is to STOP having the affair with the MM and fix your marriage. Give your husband a choice in whether he wants to give you another chance or divorce. Again, sorry, but that is the pricetag and consquences of an affair when it comes to light and is found out about.
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 I have to agree with WWIU (as always). If she's got your home and cell phone number, it's now just a matter of time before this gets to your H...it's not a question of if, but of WHEN. Since he's now dealing with his wife, it's time for you to deal with your H. And, it's a tremendous opportunity for you to prove what kind of person you are...are you going to lie like HE did about you??? Or are you going to be honest with a man that you love? (Or at the very least, once loved.) Tell you H what is really going on...figure out what your next steps are from here (divorce/seperation from your H, end it with OM...up to you). WWIU is right...now it's just a matter of time. I learned from the best...(You know, and I won't say it, but you know... Good advice from Owl too, as always!
scarletletter Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 If I were in this situation, I would probably find out exactly what H told her and just answer the phone and tell her the same thing. Maybe that would ease her mind enough to not call you anymore. Just an idea.
whichwayisup Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 If I were in this situation, I would probably find out exactly what H told her and just answer the phone and tell her the same thing. Maybe that would ease her mind enough to not call you anymore. Just an idea. Then the lie continues...If the truth comes out, the affair is completely exposed, then both marriages could have a better chance of working out and the affair would be 100% over. To protect what they have, to spare pain to their spouses is so wrong now. Again, it's only a matter of time before his wife finds out everything and calls the OW's husband. The MM's wife KNOWS and FEELS something is wrong, and she won't give up until she finds out the full truth. Please, kpin124, be the one to tell your husband. Your marriage could have a better chance of being fixed if you be the strong one to confess. Atleast he'll respect you for it and not have to wait to hear it all from your MM's wife. For him to find out that way, he WILL be more hurt and angry. He will be hurt and angry either way, but if you want to do the right thing, admit to your mistakes, take responsibility for what you did, suffer the consquences of your actions. I'm sure it won't be easy. Atleast consider thinking about it, k.
scarletletter Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Yes, that is probably best. I'm not sure how bad the situation is but I would be scared to death she would tell my husband. It definately would be better coming from you than her. Maybe you should just be honest and be ready to suffer the consequences...after all, that is the risk that we take when we start these relationships.
Author kpin124 Posted March 17, 2006 Author Posted March 17, 2006 ok well last night when she left me the message she told me what he had told her on the message..... then today he told me the exact same thing that she had said what i don't understand is why did she tell me what he had told her was going on why didn't she go "fishing" instead and see what i would tell her by her doing that i am now able to follow thru with the lie he started to cover this so that my family doesn't have to get hurt......... at this point the situation isn't extremely bad don't get me wrong it is bad but he has called me 2 times now with out here knowing and told me what was going on i really do think that if something changes he will call again.... i am turning my cell phone off this weekend that way i don't have to deal with it..... i just can't get over how calm she was on the message she sounded so friendly she didn't sound upset or even mad she said she didn't believe him but for her to tell me what his excuse was just blows my mind............
whichwayisup Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 She isn't going to let you know anything. That would just give you power. She stayed calm and if you think she is going to give up and stay quiet, you're mistaken. Be prepared for anything. I'm sorry to scare you, but take a step back and take the blinders off. He has been busted. He has to live with her, it's his marriage that is suffering, and I'm guessing he'll do everything that she asks.
Author kpin124 Posted March 18, 2006 Author Posted March 18, 2006 i guess i feel like i am looking at it with the blinders off i don't understand why she would have told me what his reason was for texting me...... if the situation were reversed and it was me calling the ow i sure as heck wouldn't be telling her what my husbands story was..... i would of ask why she was texting him and seen what she said to see if the stories matched....... i guess i feel like now all i have to do is stick to the story he used...... my mm has always said they can't prove anything unless they catch us in bed together..... i have checked with my cell provider and they said that the text messages can not be viewed all that can be viewed is when they were sent and who they were sent to...... so at this point there is no trail linking us to any kind of extramarital activity only thing she has is the fact that we have been texting each other....... yes he has to live with her if you can call it that..... they don't sleep in the same room he spends most of the time with his kids or in the basement when he is home and the only reason he is still there is for his kids...... about a month ago they got into a huge fight and he about moved out so who knows this may do it he may call me monday and say that he has moved out..
CeeJayXX Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 I would just block her off my cell phone (since they arent overly traceable anyway) and be done with it. You both should have come up with a better story ahead of time than the one you did..... Whoops! I can understand why you dont want to give up the info because if you do, the affair is over...but if you stay quiet it will continue in time... I wouldnt tell her a thing.... I would block their home phone number from your cell and continue on with life. Tell MM not to tell her anything about you....and if you met online just tell him to tell W that he has never even heard your voice and as far as he is concerned you could be a man....(sorry but anything is possible on the net!)....Good Luck!
Author kpin124 Posted March 18, 2006 Author Posted March 18, 2006 I would just block her off my cell phone (since they arent overly traceable anyway) and be done with it. You both should have come up with a better story ahead of time than the one you did..... Whoops! I can understand why you dont want to give up the info because if you do, the affair is over...but if you stay quiet it will continue in time... I wouldnt tell her a thing.... I would block their home phone number from your cell and continue on with life. Tell MM not to tell her anything about you....and if you met online just tell him to tell W that he has never even heard your voice and as far as he is concerned you could be a man....(sorry but anything is possible on the net!)....Good Luck! how do you block a number on a cell phone???? i have never done that before........ the story that he used was that i play some online card game with him and that i am a very overweight woman and she has nothing to be worried about we are just friends and we started texting no harm done........ i think it was kind of a spur of the moment excuse..... obviously.... that is good about the whole man thing or i could even be a lesbian........
whichwayisup Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 I need to ask you something, and I'm sorry if this comes out harshly...I mean no offense to this, k. DO you even feel bad about what you're doing now? Your affair is SO close to being completely found out, and you two are BOTH lying to your spouses, more to HIS spouse now, and being 'almost' busted has upped the anti abit here...Making it more exciting and scary at the same time... You two aren't "just" friends. Also, what IF he does call you and say he's moved out. What then? Do you dump your husband and son, move out to be with the MM? What is the plan?
CeeJayXX Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 Check with your service provider on blocking unwanted calls. You may have to pay extra for it.....If your H asks why you are doing it, just say its a computerized solicitor that can't be stopped that has your number. Don't ever use the excuse that you're lesbian....two things men love - younger women and two women together....You're trying to stay afloat here not sink in the dock!
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