Guest Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 so my ex and i met up after a week of calling it quits... he said i was too smoothering and he wanted his space. he always hung up on me or yelled at me to shut up on the phone, or tell me i had 'thirty seconds to talk'..yet told me he loved me more than anything.. so he told me we would never be BF GF again and that i needed to move on. well he came over sunday and helped me move....and while i was packing he just sat there and watched me... then he started hugging and kissing on me and i told him to stop and not to screw with my head... and he agreed... and then he said lets try this one last time... lets try to work this out... and then the very next day he was the same arrogant a**h***... he ALWAYS would hang up on me, no matter what the conversation... and he'd decline my calls...which would make me more angry and make me call even more... so he told me that i had screwed up by calling him so much and that he was done and for me to never call him again. it's like he was never serious about trying it again... i don't understand why it was so hard for him to pick up the phone and be nice... i haven't talked to him for two whole days... we were together over a year. and it hurts so bad... i was always there for him... i feel like he walked all over me and no matter how s***ty he was to me i'd always answer the phone or be waiting... i hope now that i've stopped calling that he will miss me and call me??? or maybe he's just relieved.... i just wish he would wonder what i'm up to since i'm not calling..and i'd get some pleasure out of not answering the phone and leaving him to guess... i just can't get over him. things were so perfect the first mths... he was so into me..and its like once i let him into my heart he thought i was smoothering him. he's 21 and i'm 23 and i feel like i'm dealing with a 12 year old. i bought a house a few mths ago and he agreed to live in it with me, and then bailed when i started asking him to help clean... he said i 'bitched at him too much'....and now he's left me with this house i never would have got without him and left me high and dry. do i just need to move on....or should i have any hope things will get better and he will miss me and learn to respect me again??? He told me he wanted to be with me forever and i actually believed it.
riobikini Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Sounds like he's been immature and selfish from day one. Hope he isn't tied to your house (legally, financially)..and if he's not, you might want to consider keeping it. Next, -he is acting like a twelve year old, (I agree)...he needs lotsa time to grow up.....give it to him.....(you are not his mother).....let the relationship take it's natural destined dive to the bottom of the sea....and don't dive in after it....and let yourself be 'without' a relationship for awhile. In the meantime, relax, furnish and decorate your new house, plant a flower garden, and wait til it blooms...by then, you should be doing just fine with out him, enjoying your more pleasant life. Then, -if you feel like you're ready to date again, take it slow, and use your head more than your heart to pick the new 'someone'. -Rio
Yamaha Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 or maybe he's just relieved Do you really want someone who treats you the way he has? He doesn't even sound like a friend let alone a bf. Do you really miss his abuse or just the comfortableness of him? You don't realize it but you are already so much better off now that he's out of your life. You will realize this and be so much better if you stay with NC. Be brave.
tikigods Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Sounds like you were dating a verbally absuive guy who is 12. You are far better off without him and its time to really play it hard on the no contact. He isn't good for you and its time you find happiness for yourself and find someone that is
daphne Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I have a little bit of a harder lined approach to your problem. Yes, the guy's a jerk. But you are totally laying down on the ground to be his doormat. If you don't want to be treated like that, it's YOUR responsibility to ensure he doesn't. The answer is not just complaining to everyone and we all agree he's a jerk and you go back and do it to yourself all over. That's your bad not his. We already know he's a stupid animal. You need to totally forget this guy and work on your self esteem. You are addicted to a total loser because you feel you can do no better. Until you get that out of your head, you may continue to attract the same kind of guy. Get help. Someone with a lot of confidence would not put up with this garbage for very long.
Apathetic Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Oh man..Your ex sounds just like my ex..He acts like hes 14 yrs old,hangs up on me if we disagree on something or if he just doesnt want to hear it,tells me im always complaining when I tell him if something bothers me.Gets mad at the DUMBEST things & causes a huge fight,over NOTHING & then blames me! He wants to work on things now,says one thing & does the other..one day he hates me,the next he loves me..When he gets mad at me he'll call me names like "oh youre a moron,youre dumb" & one time he called me a stupid btch & then when hes not mad anymore tells me to never listen to him when hes mad b/c he says things he doesnt mean..It literally feels like I am dealing w/ a CHILD!!
Apathetic Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I forgot to add..My ex also has said to me when we argued or when he was mad "dont call me ever again,leave me alone,I dont need to deal w/ this" and then hangs up..then the next day were hanging out!!!!..He has probably said that about close to 10 times in like 2 months & yet here we are still talking... It was also GREAT in the beginning for us also..We fell in love real fast & I fell real hard for him.I couldnt have been any happier in the beginning & thought we were going to make it,hell we even started talking about kids & had the names picked out & then how he was going to propose in a year.Up until recently I have never been happier & never cared about someone like I do for him,ive always been supportive,always tried to be a good GF & I admit its my fault he treats me like this b/c I continue to let him by not telling him to leave me alone for good
Guest Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 It was also GREAT in the beginning for us also..We fell in love real fast & I fell real hard for him.I couldnt have been any happier in the beginning & thought we were going to make it,hell we even started talking about kids & had the names picked out Our similarities are scary...He even picked out our kids names... HE not me... i tried to keep my distance in the beginning but he was soooo all about me.. told me he loved me within one mth of meeting me and i just smiled and and waited 4-5 mths before i felt ready to tell him that... he was the kind of guy every mom would love.. that's what makes me sick..b/c it was all FAKE... he knew how i hated cigarettes when he met me...so he handed me his 'last pack' and said he was done, that he was quitting for himself... i had my doubts, i bet money he was hiding that he was still smoking, but then these last few mths he just started smoking again right in front of me and would look at me and be like "big deal if i smoke" and would smoke in the truck w/ me making me put up with that smelly crap... it's like i never knew him! i guess that's how he wins his women over... he's a complete fraud in the beginning...then once you fall head over heels out comes the real a**h***.
Apathetic Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Yup..In the beginning it was all about 'us'..Within the first month of meeting eachother,we both fell in love & wanted to be around eachother 24/7..we would stay on the phone for like 5-6 hours..see eachother everyday etc... Im not sure I can honestly say that I think it was all an act,im pretty sure his feelings were/are genuine & that he does love me,in some way or another...
roxy_1980 Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 You seemed to be perplexed about why he wanted to "try one more time" when he helped you move and then told you not to call anymore. Think about this for a second: Did you happen to have sex with him that night? Or at least was he trying for it? No need for an answer to the forum, just something for you to consider.
lehen99 Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 This is from a man's perspective, I don't know what the heck is wrong with this guy but I would definately say that he probably doesn't give a #$%@ about you. I think he has about 20 years worth of growing up to do if he ever wants to have a sucessfull relationship. In my opinion you should just enjoy doing what you want to do and talk to who you want to and not have to worry about them hanging up on you or limiting your time to talk to them. Just give yourself some time and stay busy and you will start feeling better, I promise. Sounds like to me you would be much better off without this guy.
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