confused mom Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 My son and I recently moved out of our home, I have been married for 5 years. This is our second marriage and he has two children and I have one, they all lived with us. During this marriage I was the one who cooked, cleaned, shopped, paid bills, etc...everyone else just sat on their butts and did as they wanted. They would never do anything unless they wanted to do something and I would say not until your room was cleaned...I would ask for help and it was like I was ignored. My grandpa whom I was very close too recently passed away and I was running with him to the hospital/nursing home for several months, during this time still no help, I would get calls what are we having for supper, please would you guys fend for yourself for once. They are 17 and (2) 15 y/o teenagers, plus my husband 42...Well, anyway I would come home to dishes unwashed, clothes to wash, etc... I have even when on strike before by not doing clothes etc.. It has got to the point that my son has considered moving in with his dad, because their is so much disrespect in our home. When my granpa passed away, my husband was even late for the vistation due to baseball practice for his son. I just feel like they do not respect me and the more I do they do not appreciate what I do...I have let all of these issues build up inside of me and I got to the point where I could not take it anymore and moved out. It was either let my son move in with his dad or I stay there where I feel like I was not appreciated and be a step-mom to his kids. In my heart it was I could not be a mom to his kids and not have my own around. So, I chose to leave. My husband does not understand why I feel this way and he thinks there is someone else, which it is not. I'm just tired of being the cook, maid, etc...I have no emotions left and I'm not happy there. Is there any other step-parents out there that has any suggestions or advice?
Touche Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Wow, confused mom, I really feel for you. What a tough situation. I'm a stepmom too so I know how very difficult that role can be...believe me. But you know what, I'm also a mom and you ABSOLUTELY did the right think in moving out in this case. This is your HUSBAND'S fault...not the kids. HE has to step up to the plate and get control of them and lay down the law. At that age they should be able to cook a meal or two, do their own laundry, etc. Did your husband marry you to be a maid? How very inconsiderate that HE didn't pick up the slack and help out in his own home. This is totally HIS fault. Do not blame anyone but him. I always say this to people...my mom used to ask me, "Are you a goddess or a doormat?" Because there are only two kinds of women. You've been a real doormat. You acted like a goddess when you moved out. I woul not move back in with him UNLESS you really talk this out and he changes the way the household is run. You need to spell it out very specifically. Maybe go for marriage counseling together. But I wouldn't move back in until then. If you do, I guarantee you that he'll treat you worse than before because he'll see that you really ARE a doormat. Do you really want your son to think that that's how a woman should be treated? He won't respect you either. Good for you for standing up for yourself and your son and leaving. I really hope you two can talk and agree to change the way things were and get back together. If not, doesn't sound like a real big loss to me. What a poor excuse of a husband!
Author confused mom Posted March 16, 2006 Author Posted March 16, 2006 Thanks, for the advice... Please let me say that over the last couple of months my husband has started helping more and doing laundry. But, my emotions are still gone. He has asked to go to counseling but I can not find it in my heart to go. I love him, but I do not love him as I should and that is killing him and it is hurting me too. But, my son comes first in my life and he has never understood that, he had made the comment before I moved out that he feels he has had to compete against him for me... then he says he did not mean it like that, then he says well I guess it is more jealousy! I'm like you keep digging your self deeper here, instead of getting me to come back home!
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