Guest Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 last night on the phone i mentioned to my boyfriend that i like the color blue-and he replied "all the russians like blue" i asked what he's talking about, and he said his other girlfriend, ivana, likes blue too, that she's a russian living in israel. i asked him her haircolor and he told me she's brunette, 31, said something about light blue, and he said she's 5'6, and also told her height in "meters and centimeters", he said they met on the internet. he's from israel and there are alot of russian women living there. i know that russians do measure height in meters well, i got really quiet, and he started laughing and laughing, saying it was a joke and it's funny that i got so upset. i said "i have to go", but i didn't hang up, he just told me it was a "lie" and she isn't real, he hung up on me. i called him back and asked why he did that, and he said he thought i hung up. then he started saying he couldn't hear me and he hung up again. I've been with him a year, he's always teased me, but there were too many specific details this time, and i have a hard time not being very suspicious he's normally very sweet, and he's a generally good person, but he cheated on his ex-wife many times, just want to know your opinion, would you think this woman really exists in his life?
catgirl1927 Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Whether she exists or not, that was a pretty mean spirited thing to do.
jerbear Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I think he is cheating again this time the other woman is russian, likes blue, lives in Israel, and 31.
Mary3 Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 The odds of him cheating again are about as likely as the earth revolving around the sun tomorrow....
amerikajin Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Some jokes are funny, but this isn't one of them. His 'joke' was intended to provoke an outburst of jealousy on your part. No person who really respected or cared about his significant other would do that - ever. I don't know if he's got a girl on the side or not but that doesn't really matter - he's got issues and he's only going to end up hurting you until he sorts that out. If it were me, I'd drop him.
dinazavr Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 well, i hate to admit it because i love him, but.... anyway, today he called and told me that last night he almost broke up with me because of the way i "behaved" when he said that. my reaction was basically just getting quiet and not laughing at his joke. he said he was thinking of sending me an email to break things off because i'm too sensitive. i think my reaction was pretty normal, and that breaking up with email after a year together is just wrong- he told me he would have called afterward...um very nice, yeah he said he wasn't going to break it off, yet, but last night he was pretty close i told him the number of details he gave made it seem like not a joke- he said it's easy for him to rattle off details and lie because he's a salesman he's been very good with me most of the last year, so i don't want to bash him, just needed opinions on this joke thing, and i think he's wrong to say that and expect me to be not upset.
Mary3 Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 He wants an exit out and he just found one. He deliberately tells you he is talking to some girl and describes her in great detail and he is VERY VERY likely to be messing around or intends to Move on with your life because he is getting ready to...
Mary3 Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Oh yea . He is Also a Jerk ! To do that to you and threaten to break up ! I would hope he falls in a pit of fireants ! lol
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 well, i hate to admit it because i love him, but.... anyway, today he called and told me that last night he almost broke up with me because of the way i "behaved" when he said that. my reaction was basically just getting quiet and not laughing at his joke. I disagree that he's looking for a way out. What I think he's trying to do is desensitize your sensitivity to the obvious so you'll feel like a fool and train yourself to ignore cheating clues. A form of gaslighting, if you will. Do dump him, please. Even though I was only 75% sure that the woman was real, the whole "I almost broke up with you" thing is emotional blackmail to get you to behave a certain way in the future, and makes him 100% manipulative prick. Scum. I also agree with the other poster; a leopard doesn't change his spots. A chronic cheater has it in his basic nature. He'll do it again.
Mary3 Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 BBQ if you had a wonderful bf would you say " Oh I am talking to this hot guy "blah blah....you know what I mean ? Is he setting her up to act more disrespectful ?
catgirl1927 Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Threatening to break up is a sign that he has no respect for you and is trying to bully you. Call his bluff. I say, call him tonight and say, "I almost broke it off with you last night because of the way you were acting. But after I thought about it, I decided to break it off with you now. So... bye."
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 BBQ if you had a wonderful bf would you say " Oh I am talking to this hot guy "blah blah....you know what I mean ? Is he setting her up to act more disrespectful ? To be honest, I've done the same thing to a boyfriend before. And it was a real guy I was talking about. It's like something in me just wanted to confess without really confessing. The weight of the secret just begged me to get it off my chest somehow... so I made it into a joke. Aside from that, if she's not real, he's already shown that the thought has crossed his mind. If he hasn't already cheated, he's probably planning to.
dinazavr Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 he told me last night that he's going to italy in april and then going over to spend a few days in israel. it would seem to anyone, pretty obvious that he's going to see someone there, but he'll be saying he's going to visit his mother and other family only i don't want to wait in the US worrying what he's doing over there...i don't really want to break up either and i really love him but i don't want to wait around for him to break up with me, and i hate to say it, but it feels like he will very soon. one day he says he was thinking of breaking up, only two weeks ago he said i'm the only one for him and we'll belong to each other forever it's hard to admit that someone i really believed in and trusted could be selfish in reality i don't want to think it, but with what he said, and where he's going...
Walk Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 This is almost like, if your bf or husband said he cheated on you with a gorgeous brunette and allowed you to believe it.... then later said it was all a joke? I'd still go through the all the feelings of distrust, feeling betrayed, and as if he had really cheated. (assuming he hadn't) But there's no way I'd be able to trust him after that. Especially when you add in his past to that equation... How can you believe his word? Words are only good if they can be backed up by action, and he can't back his up. He can't point to his past and say he never has, he can't prove he hasn't now, and soon he'll be too far away for you to see what he does with his time. He's left no reason for you to trust him. Where are the actions that show you should trust him? He's not going to work to rebuild the trust he destroyed. He already said he was thinking of dumping you. He is trying to turn this into your fault when it isn't. Your not too sensitive, he is a JERK!! And he could potentially be putting your life at risk if he is cheating.
Mary3 Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Threatening to break up is a sign that he has no respect for you and is trying to bully you. Call his bluff. I say, call him tonight and say, "I almost broke it off with you last night because of the way you were acting. But after I thought about it, I decided to break it off with you now. So... bye."I totally agree and love this advice !
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