kcjack Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I guy in my office is engaged and getting married in 3 months. He is secretly having as sexual relationship with an intern in the office. I know this guys fiancee - should I let her know?
whichwayisup Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Are you 100% sure that he is having sex with this intern or is it just flirting and office gossip assuming? You better make sure it's true before even considering telling his fiancee.
Lennox Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 How do you know he's having a "secret" sexual relationship with the intern? How close are you to the fiancee'? Are you willing to possibly lose your friendship with the fiancee' after telling her? Because sometimes that's what happens.
justagirliegirl Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 If you are certain, you should say something.
Author kcjack Posted March 16, 2006 Author Posted March 16, 2006 I'm absolutely certain, but got the information by secret and underhanded means. I'm thinking of a way to let her find out anonomosly, maybe mailing the proof to her. I just think she has a right to know before she walks down the aisle in less than three months.
Bryanp Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you desperately have wanted to know? You would be doing a blessing for her by telling her the truth. She has a right to know. I keep quoting Edmund Burke who said: "all that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.? Please don't do nothing.
Blind Illusion Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 I have mixed feelings about this. Part of me would want to anonymously send something to alert the woman. That it was her RIGHT to know. Another part of me would think iwho gave me the RIGHT to meddle anyhow. People have all kinds of relationships. While it might not be *my* thing, who is to say that this couple doesn't have their own personal agreement as to what sexual conduct is permissible. I know that if I did have an open arrangement, I would certainly resent well meaning people bringing this to my face. Guess if you did do this anonymously though, that wouldn't be a concern. It's also not as strong though.
justagirliegirl Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 sigh...don't people step up and make a stand to do anything anymore? Do most of us just turn a blind eye to anything cause oooo they don't want to get involved. I'm tired of hearing maybe they have an open relationship excuse. What a load! As you can tell on here most people don't. We know things are going on like abuse, infidelity or whatever and we are mostly so damn yellow bellied to stand up and say something. What is everyone so afraid of?
LoveNoLoss Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 tell her... period. Give her the chance to know what she is getting into if she walks down the aisle. Chances are, she will stay with him and still get married but when he cheats again (and he will) at least she can't say that nobody warned her. If she does leave, then she is saving years of heartache, possibly having a child with this guy and so forth... As far as how you tell her... I would tell her myself. Sit her down, buy her a drink and let her know. It won't be easy... none of this stuff is.. Good luck.
Seen_It_All Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 sigh...don't people step up and make a stand to do anything anymore? Do most of us just turn a blind eye to anything cause oooo they don't want to get involved. I'm tired of hearing maybe they have an open relationship excuse. What a load! As you can tell on here most people don't. We know things are going on like abuse, infidelity or whatever and we are mostly so damn yellow bellied to stand up and say something. What is everyone so afraid of? If it were ME getting married in 3 months, you'd better believe I'd want to know. If this guy is already disrespecting his commitment to his fiance, then that says VOLUMES about his LACK of character. Do the right thing. Give this woman the power to make an informed choice.
tigger Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 Like others said, how you do it depends greatly on your relationship with the fiance. If you are friends, tell her in person, she might need your shoulder. If you are acquaintances, anonymously might work - but if I were the fiance, I'm not certain how I'd feel about getting this from some one, and not know who. However, have you thought about confronting the man, and telling him - either you tell your fiance, or I will? Make sure you let him know you have proof, and that you have no qualms about letting her know so that he doesn't try to call your bluff. Any which way you look at it, the fiance needs to find out! What a horrible way to start a marriage! Do you know any close friends of hers or family members who could help you with this? Like I said, she'll probably need help with this. Either that or she will go into complete denial! Or maybe not even denial, but maybe still make the mistake of still marrying this man. But at least you'd have given her the opportunity to make an informed decision.
Blind Illusion Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 I'm tired of hearing maybe they have an open relationship excuse. What a load! As you can tell on here most people don't. With all due respect, sometimes, just because a majority of people don't embrace an idea, one shouldn't dismiss it as being a "load". Not simply because it is a different way. That's being judgemental. Another thing is that even when there isn't any such open agreement, that doesn't mean that every BS wants to really know. Or doesn't know already. Once they know or someone puts it in their face, they must do something about it. Not everyone will want to. Whether we agree or not, not everyone is emotionally secure enough to confront the issue. Some people are ostriches. There are many BSs that already know & now that you confronted them with this, what are they supposed to say. "Yes, I know, I caught him before and issued an ultimatum but obviously to no avail. I am biding my time till I can leave him/her." Not everyone feels comfortable discussing their private lives and plans with the casual informer. I am not saying one should never reveal an infidelity. Nor am I saying that one should always reveal one. I am a firm believer of there being gradations in life. Hardly anything is ever black or white.
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