lehen99 Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I am 25 years old and my ex is 21. She left me because we didn't cuddle enough and she didn't feel like we were in love anymore. We have a 1 yr old child together and we have been together for 4 years. Now she says she doesn't love me anymore. Every time I try and talk to her she gives me a different reason for leaving. First it was because she didn't feel like we were in love. Then she said she wanted to see how she does on her own. Now she just doesn't love me at all and says we will never be back together. I love her more than anything in the world. I was willing to do almost whatever she wanted. I told her she didn't have to work if she didn't want to. I have no idea if she needs to grow up some or if she never really did love me in the first place. She grew up without a father so I don't know if this has anything to do with it or not. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
destination_unknown Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 This is a toughie, and it must be very hard on you. So, you have been with this girl since she was 17. This probably has a huge amount to do with what is going on, along with the fact that you both now have a little child to take care of and that is a very big responsibility. She may just be feeling overwhelmed and regretting being unable to do the wild things that her peers can. In which case, you must give her the space and privacy to do that. Otherwise, she may be just really growing up only now, and has decided that your relationship is not what she wants. In which case, you must accept that too. Whatever her reasons are you will have to accept them, even if you dont believe they are the true reasons, they are the ones she is giving you. My advice would be to stop trying to figure out what went wrong, you will never come to a conclusion about that on your own and it will drive you crazy. Dont bring up your relationship when you see her, just talk about your little one. All you can really do right now is be the best dad you can and try to keep things civil and friendly with your ex until the time that she approaches you to talk about it. She may never want to talk about it, so you gotta try to move things along for your own life and your childs life. I know its hard, im trying to do that myself right now, but unfortunately we cant change what is in the other persons heart and we have to respect that.
tikigods Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Right now you need to focus on your child and try to be the best dad you can be. It sounds like she is regreting her "lost" youth, she woke up and found that she is 21, been with the same guy since 17 and now has a child. She more then likely looks at what other people her age go and do, and get to do and wishes that she could have a part of that. the best thing you can do is let her do her thing, and make sure your child is well cared for. If she wants to come back, then yay, but you can't force her to do so. In a way she might even resent you for helping her get to this point, so it would be best to just let her do her thing
destination_unknown Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 And you know, after a year or so, she might just see that the fun, single life just isnt all its cracked up to be, but you cant wait around for that to happen. I dont mean wait around in the sense of go be with somebody else, but in the sense of you thinking about it all the time, will she come back, did she love me etc. You just have to mentally let her go do her thing and concentrate on you doing your thing. Enjoy the time you have with your baby, and enjoy spending time with yourself, your friends and your interests. [its a cliche for a reason]
PRETTYBOI1982 Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I am 25 years old and my ex is 21. She left me because we didn't cuddle enough and she didn't feel like we were in love anymore. We have a 1 yr old child together and we have been together for 4 years. Now she says she doesn't love me anymore. Every time I try and talk to her she gives me a different reason for leaving. First it was because she didn't feel like we were in love. Then she said she wanted to see how she does on her own. Now she just doesn't love me at all and says we will never be back together. I love her more than anything in the world. I was willing to do almost whatever she wanted. I told her she didn't have to work if she didn't want to. I have no idea if she needs to grow up some or if she never really did love me in the first place. She grew up without a father so I don't know if this has anything to do with it or not. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Perhaps she have lost interests in you. You should just forget it and move on, and stop wasting your time. I've been through the same situation as you but mine was even more worst then you can ever imagine. My girlfriend told me before on the phone and even in person face to face that "she regrets being my girlfriend and she regrets dating me this and that". I surely didn't care and move on because what's been said is the truth. It's not like your life will end or it's over and done with for good. Please, dont waste your precious valuable times on an ex-lover of yours who doesn't care anyone. Everyone changes at a time when you're least expected so don't give up hopes now. Who knows? You might end up with someone who is more countable as her and more caring and more loving. Goodluck to ya!
sweetie7 Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 You should just forget it and move on, and stop wasting your time.QUOTE] I guess I could normally agree with this but I think it makes a huge difference that you have a child together. It's not a waste of time to try and work things out to be the best parents you can be. That said, maybe you do need to give her some space and make her realize how she feels about you. I mean, I don't think I could ever just end things with the father of my kid (if I had a kid) unless there was a real big reason. She'll realize it's a hard life being a single mom and that you're a great person. Whatever you do, please be there for your child:)
PRETTYBOI1982 Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Very well then, I'd guess you have your side of opinion to think about. I'd sure hope everything works out great for you!
Author lehen99 Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 Thank you all for your advice.Hopefully I can put it to use.I still think about it alot but it is getting better day by day. I love spending time with my daughter but in a way it also makes me sad knowing that we have to pass her back and forth all the time. Hopefully one day she will get the partying days out of her system and realize how much I love her and care about her. But in the mean time I'm just gonna do what I do best, Work and play on my computer.
Impreflection Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 I am 25 years old and my ex is 21. She left me because we didn't cuddle enough and she didn't feel like we were in love anymore. We have a 1 yr old child together and we have been together for 4 years. Now she says she doesn't love me anymore. Every time I try and talk to her she gives me a different reason for leaving. First it was because she didn't feel like we were in love. Then she said she wanted to see how she does on her own. Now she just doesn't love me at all and says we will never be back together. I love her more than anything in the world. I was willing to do almost whatever she wanted. I told her she didn't have to work if she didn't want to. I have no idea if she needs to grow up some or if she never really did love me in the first place. She grew up without a father so I don't know if this has anything to do with it or not. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Hi. I hope what I have to say doesn't make you feel worse, but I can't stress enough how important it is to not keep drudging up that "why?" question. People that end a relationship at first will most often try to show compassion and human decency by giving excuses as to why it is not working. The problem you will encounter is that the more you interrogate her, the more she will grow fed up having to answer to you, and her responses are bound to get more abbrupt and insensitive. If she fell out of love with you, do you really want to keep hearing that or even worse eventually? If she is just exploring what she has missed out on, you are going about a sure-fire way of destroying any potential for reconciliation. I have been in her situation a few times, but the one that sticks out most in my mind was the man who continually harassed me with the big "why" so many times, I almost had to have my number blocked which would have hurt him even more. In the end I got so fed up with his questioning that I went from "we want different things," to "BECAUSE I DON'T >insert obsenity here< LOVE YOU!! Hearing that destroyed him far worse than just leaving things a mystery would have, and I still feel guilty to this day. You share a child and continuing on this path will only build resentment and discourage her from wanting to bring the little one around. If you aggitate her enough, she could take legal measures to ensure your time together will be moderated. You are risking not losing one, but two people you care about. I say keep your dignity in tact and if she never comes back to you, at least you still have that (along with a beautiful baby girl. )
Author lehen99 Posted March 22, 2006 Author Posted March 22, 2006 Thanks for the advice. I haven't bugged her for a while about it. I kind of figured it was only making the matter worse. I also realized that if I want her to come back I should probably just not do anything about it, I mean if she wants to come back she knows my number and where I live. I just wish she would hurry up and get the rest of her things, because it makes it that much harder not having her here. Everyday I wake up and see all of her stuff scattered about my house and it just reminds me of what happened. But I am working 12 hours a day to fill my empty time, it keeps me pretty busy. I work and sleep that's about it, takes my mind off of everything. I just hope she realizes what a good thing she had. She is already complaining about being broke. She asked me if I had money to get pictures of our baby this month but I don't know if I should do it for her or not. I think if I just let her take care of everything by herself (except for our baby) she will realize how much time and devotion I spent taking care of them. I wouldn't do so much for just anybody and maybe she will one day understand that.
destination_unknown Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Its good your keeping busy but dont just work and sleep! do somethings that you enjoy too! i would reccommend boxing up her stuff and just put it in a spare closet if you have one or somewhere out of the way, that way you wont have the constant reminders. i really think you are doing the right thing by giving her her space, i mean we cant pursuade someone that they wana be with us. not sure about the photo thing, it is kinda for the baby and both of you as well, really depends on how you feel about it, but other than that, hell yea, all you need to be contributing towards is your daughters things, not anything for your ex. and dont forget ... try to enjoy yourself!!
gfto Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 be the best father you can be. be friends with the ex for the child's sake. but, understand that it's OVER between you and her. Get back on the field and date some new ladies.
Author lehen99 Posted March 29, 2006 Author Posted March 29, 2006 It's been a couple months now, and I am starting to be ok with my situation. A few things I am unsure of is where to go from here. I still keep hoping she will come back, but I have pretty much decided that she isn't and my future actions should be based upon that assumption, I think. So I'm not exactly sure if I should start looking for someone else, or just be single (I don't exactly like being single). But one good thing is I don't have to worry about paying for anyone else's gas or food or anything else for that matter. I'm a very modest person, so it feels really weird thinking that my ex doesn't deserve to be with me, I mean I did almost anything this girl wanted and this is the third time I have gotten the boot. Anyone got any advice or encouriging words for me? Thanks for your input
AndyFish Posted March 29, 2006 Posted March 29, 2006 Mate, I got dumped 4 1/2 months ago, after 5 years living together. This girl has now moved on ( and moved in with a so called mate ), and it hurts like hell. She now wants to go travelling, and it upsets me that she doesn't want the life that we had. Believe me it gets better, I still long for her to come back - but it ain't going to happen. There is someone else out there for you. Just do what YOU think, no one else. And keep posting on here it does make u feel better.
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