phyrespryte Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Seriously though, why is this whole dating thing so impossible? I just spent my day off moping around in my pajamas because of this one guy. I don't understand why he's not more interested in me. I think I'm a worthwhile kind of person. I take care of my appearance, I'm nice to people...my sense of humor is a little screwy, but I get laughs. While he on the other hand is funny, but isn't exactly a looker. So I would think that he'd be more excited that I'm interested in him. And I know that he was interested in me on some level. I just don't understand why he's so passive about things. I'm so frustrated right now.
ddnnee Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 oh ya, some guys (probably most) are clueless about these things, and im one of them. You will have to tell it straight out what you want. he could be too busy or too shy. too many variables. quickest solution: be straight forward.
prfrogkisser Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I can understand your fustration. Dating nowadays totally sucks.Most men dont know what they want, are not honest, like to play games ect... I will just take it day by day and see what happens. Ive learned to keep my options open and let the guy believe he is running the show lol. Men are so different from women. He might be shy or he is just taking it slow. We dont know what is going through his mind. He can also be testing you. Men that have been hurt are very cautious and dont get close to women immediately. Dont give up on him yet. I recommend you to be honest and let him know what you want so you dont waste your time.
SusieQ Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Hi everybody. I haven't been around these posts in a looooooooong time, so I don't know anyone anymore. My name is Susana. Well. I just went through hell with this guy for three years. Initially, I found him irritating, but he wore me down, being so attentive and clever and funny, etc. I became crazy about him, and nada. He claims to be shy, but he never came out and told me that he had trouble with women, rather, he made it sound like he really wanted to be alone, so I was caught. There was nothing I could do. In the end, nothing happened and I am no longer seeing him even as a friend. Now, I meet this guy online, and everything is wonderful, but he has all these other "relationships" and I don't think I should really expect anything from him. Maybe I need to just resign myself to being alone, which ain't so bad, as I'm really a fun, interesting, intelligent person. Good company. Ahhh! It feels good to vent. Anyway, based on my experience, just tell the guy how you feel because if you don't, you'll still end up alone and you'll be wondering "what if" which makes it all much worse.
qnmc Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I like the advice here about being direct. As a guy, I wish women had more of an understanding of how completely clueless we are to subtleties. And what women think is a situation where they're being very overt... say, you make direct eye contact for 2 to 3 seconds with a guy at a party (one-one thousand, two...) ... well, a lot of times it's lost on us or we second guess ourselves. Men are used to getting shot down regularly, even those you'd think could run with brad pitt, and have had situations that seemed like such a sure thing... blow up in our faces and shatter our already fragile egos. Guys are very direct with one another, it's just how we're wired.
qnmc Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 I like the advice here about being direct. As a guy, I wish women had more of an understanding of how completely clueless we are to subtleties. And what women think is a situation where they're being very overt... say, you make direct eye contact for 2 to 3 seconds with a guy at a party (one-one thousand, two...) ... well, a lot of times it's lost on us or we second guess ourselves. Men are used to getting shot down regularly, even those you'd think could run with brad pitt, and have had situations that seemed like such a sure thing... blow up in our faces and shatter our already fragile egos. Guys are very direct with one another, it's just how we're wired. Anything other than direct communication and we get confused
Guest Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Oh I think your answer might lie right here: While he on the other hand is funny, but isn't exactly a looker. So I would think that he'd be more excited that I'm interested in him. Clearly you think you're higher up on the scale of datability. I imagine he picked that up.
Author phyrespryte Posted March 19, 2006 Author Posted March 19, 2006 I like the advice here about being direct. As a guy, I wish women had more of an understanding of how completely clueless we are to subtleties. And what women think is a situation where they're being very overt... say, you make direct eye contact for 2 to 3 seconds with a guy at a party (one-one thousand, two...) ... well, a lot of times it's lost on us or we second guess ourselves. Hm. I like the idea of the direct approach. But how obvious does a woman need to be? I asked him out for coffee. That never panned out, he invited me to go out with his friends, I was unable to join him. I asked him out again, but this time he was busy with finals. Since then nothing. Is that too vague? Do I need to say, "hey I think you're cute and would like to get to know you better"? I guess this is what a guy goes through regularly, but it's so frustrating. I know he's interested, I just don't get why he doesn't seem to try harder.
Author phyrespryte Posted March 19, 2006 Author Posted March 19, 2006 Clearly you think you're higher up on the scale of datability. I imagine he picked that up. Ok..I didn't mean that in an obnoxious kind of way. I don't think I radiate "I'm better than you vibes". I'm really shy and insecure and anyone who's talked to me for longer than 5 minutes knows that. I just think that if the roles were reversed I'd be excited that a girl that wasn't totally unappealing was interested in me. And if she was doing all the asking I'd make the effort to make things happen. But I guess that did come out obnoxious. He is cute, just not like everyone would agree kind of like how some people think Adrien Brody is cute or hideous.
SusieQ Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 Yes, in my opinion, you're going to have to be really direct. Your story sounds almost the same as mine. I would hate to see you prolong the agony. Do you feel confident enough to approach him and say clearly something along the lines of "I am really interested in you as more than friends and I'm wondering if you feel the same way?" Anything less will be lost on him, I'm afraid. Guys can really be as insecure and afraid as anybody. Just because they're guys it doesn't give them the magical ability to handle rejection well. It's a learned skill, like anything else, and maybe he hasn't had a lot of practice letting a woman know he's interested. He could be afraid of rejection or afraid of losing the friendship you've established. I know if I had it to do all over again I would be a little more clear, though I suffer from intense fear of rejection myself. Good luck, and let us know how things progress.
Author phyrespryte Posted April 12, 2006 Author Posted April 12, 2006 Well not really. I have a class with this guy this semester. Well SusieQ, I'm slowly working up the courage to ask him if he's interested in me. But it seems that things just aren't happening. And it's weird. I used to be so comfortable talking to him and now I've gotten super shy around him. I can't stand this feeling. And I hope that my quietness isn't putting him off. ugh. I guess we'll see what happens next week.
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