electric_sheep Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I knew that Title would get some attention. Seriously though ... I work 40 hours a week. My girlfriend is not in school nor is working right now. She stays over at my place sometimes for a week at a time. Is it unreasonable to expect her to pick up around the place a bit, do the dishes every now and then, change the cat litter, feed the cats, take the trash out, etc ... ? I work, come home, and then have to do all these things myself. She wonders why we don't have more time together for fun. I'm not sure if it is some bastardized version of feminism that holds her back or what. She is on Zoloft for depression.
blind_otter Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 That's weird. NO it's not too much to expect. Why isn't she working or in school?
MadDog Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Related to that topic, I think if I were dating a girl and I came back to my place and found her cleaning up my place and vacuuming, I'd cream my pants. I know it's the 21st century and I believe in division of labor and all that but there's something undeniably hot about a woman who cleans/cooks. Hell, I clean and cook, why can't she? MD
catgirl1927 Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 LMAO - I need a woman that cleans :lmao: Ha! I do too! I think that whether you are a man or a woman, if you're at home all day doing nothing you should be cleaning up. No one should be lazy.
BeFree Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I want a man to feed me breakfast in bed and buy me diamonds, but we all can't have want we want.
MadDog Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I want a man to feed me breakfast in bed and buy me diamonds, but we all can't have want we want. That wouldn't be that hard. I want to hook up with an NFL cheerleader with an advanced degree and tons of her own money. That would be hard. MD
justagirliegirl Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 why isn't she working? Tell her to get a job and just not let her stay over at your place.
justagirliegirl Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Get a cleaner? Good idea! Regardless if she over ther laying around it isn't her house or place to clean for him.
Citizen Erased Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Is she making the mess or is it yours? If its your's then I wouldn't expect her to, but if she is making it whilst at the apartment all day then yes she should.
the_alchemyst Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I don't see why she shouldn't. Even if you are the only one making the mess (and I doubt this), she still should help around, especially since she's being so stagnate. She's not working and she's not going to school--so, what is she doing? It seems to me like she is just lounging and I can see how that can become irritating after a while. Plus, if she is suffering from depression, then she should be encouraged to do something. Remaining in an idle state only feeds it. Encourage her to do something. If she doesn't want to leave the house, then encourage her to engage in some activity at home that is actually productive; she will feel better about herself. I personally find cleaning to be very relaxing; it's a great way to get your mind off of things.
noclobber Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I'm not sure if it is some bastardized version of feminism that holds her back or what. You have answered your own question!
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Division of labor. If someone's getting a free roof over their head, the least they can do is try to pull their own weight. If I was housing and feeding a jobless dude, I damn sure would expect him to do the housework. It's not about gender. Everyone has to contribute somehow. No freeloading bums allowed.
BeFree Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 That wouldn't be that hard. I want to hook up with an NFL cheerleader with an advanced degree and tons of her own money. That would be hard. MD Ok, I really want Ben Rothlesiberger to feed me grapes, vacum my house and walk my dog.
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Ok, I really want Ben Rothlesiberger to feed me grapes, vacum my house and walk my dog. OK, while we're on that roll, I want Layne Staley to come back to life, brush my hair, scratch my back, paint my toenails, sing for me and read me his poetry all day.
whichwayisup Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I knew that Title would get some attention. Seriously though ... I work 40 hours a week. My girlfriend is not in school nor is working right now. She stays over at my place sometimes for a week at a time. Is it unreasonable to expect her to pick up around the place a bit, do the dishes every now and then, change the cat litter, feed the cats, take the trash out, etc ... ? I work, come home, and then have to do all these things myself. She wonders why we don't have more time together for fun. I'm not sure if it is some bastardized version of feminism that holds her back or what. She is on Zoloft for depression. DO you want her to wipe your ass too??? Holy cow. I'd hate to know what you'd want her to do once you're living with the poor woman! "then I have to do these things myself." Well, welcome to the real world if you live alone! Asking her to do dishes is one thing, but why should she do the rest? It is NOT HER HOUSE.
whichwayisup Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Just fyi, I don't mean to sound harsh...I've just never heard anybody express themselves like you have. I do think if she is there alot, then asking her to do certain chores is fine, but at the same time, if she has depression, that is why she isn't doing much, IE working/school. Have you talked to her about seeking therapy for her depression? Sitting around your place all week while you're working isn't good for her.
Sassy Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I want a man to feed me breakfast in bed and buy me diamonds, but we all can't have want we want. :lmao: Don't all women want that but not going to happen !! If you want someone that will clean house than get a maid .. Maybe she doesn't want to clean because it isn't her place . Most people are picky about the way things are done and like it done a certain way.
Sassy Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 DO you want her to wipe your ass too??? Holy cow. I'd hate to know what you'd want her to do once you're living with the poor woman! "then I have to do these things myself." Well, welcome to the real world if you live alone! Asking her to do dishes is one thing, but why should she do the rest? It is NOT HER HOUSE. Exactly agree with you totally Which!!
penkitten Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 dump her and move on. no its not her house and she isnt responsible for cleaning up after you like she is your mommy, HOWEVER she is your girlfriend and she isnt doing anything. she isnt working or going to school. shes hanging at your house while you arent there and lofting around. if she wanted to show you that she is going to make a great long term relationship partner and/ or wife and / or mother to your future kids, well she isnt really trying to impress you any. so lets say you continue seeing her and then she gets all knocked up and you marry her, shes never gonna get a job or go to school then either and the house will just get dirtier with little ones in it and no one doing anything while you are at work. lets blame it on the zoloft, because she is depressed. lets see, no job worries, uh no school worries, uh no children to worry about, and uhhh not worried about finding a man because she has you, and certainly not worried about keeping a man because she doesnt care what you think of her.... ummm what does she have to be depressed about? did someone run over her cat in front of her? oh thats right, we are all stressed and our seratonin levels are maxed out, well thats why 60% of the world in on zoloft, paxil, welbutrin, prozac and lexapro but yet most of us seem to work, go to school, take care of the kids and clean our houses.
whichwayisup Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Unless you understand depression, it's not that simple. It's not like she is saying I DON'T WANT to work or go to school, she probably CAN'T. Meaning, she isn't functioning normally enough to cope with daily things that you find easy. Maybe to her, it's such a challenge. Each person with depression is different. Maybe those on the meds have MILD depression, who knows?? The worse the depression, the harder it is to maintain a job and function normally. It's too easy to assume she's lazy and has no worries. NONE of us know what goes on inside her head. Only her boyfriend does, and it seems he isn't seeing the whole picture either. Getting her to clean up his place isn't going to cure her depression or snap her out of it. Only meds and therapy can. Her willing to FIGHT it and learn how to control the depression instead of it controlling her.
penkitten Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 who wants to be with someone so depressed that they cant get off the couch? just my two cents.
whichwayisup Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Maybe if you love the person, why not? Obviously she isn't "just" on the couch doing nothing 24/7. They have a real relationship, and are dating. If she was a couch potatoe 100% of the time, then she wouldn't be able to even handle that.
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