I think I messed up. =(

[the_alchemyst]

All right, well, I guess you guys already know a little about me and my bf (how we've been together 2 years, and yea . . . stuff like that), so I'll get to the problem:

 

Last night I was doing my homework when my bf called at around 7 pm; he had just gotten home from work. He asked me how I was and what I was doing. He then asked me if I could go to his house and sleep over. I thought about it a bit (homework and exam next day) and then said yes. So I proceeded to finishing up. He called me at 12 pm and asked me if I was still going to go; I said yes and he came to pick me up. On the way, we were laughing at something silly on the radio--we were in a good mood. We got to his place, went to his room, and went straight for the bed.

 

We did the deed, talked for a bit, and then I turned around to go to sleep. He had me in a very warm embrace and told me he loved me and wished me a good night. I did the same. Nice, eh?

 

THEN, I asked (since today is his day off): "Am I going to see you tomorrow?" He replied: "Oh, no. My friend asked me to take him to go eat some ramen, and plus I have to do my laundry. I'm sorry. I'll see you on Thursday because I come out early and on Friday I'll go to your house, though? Okay?"

 

I got so vehemently angry it's not even funny. I said "fine," and said nothing more. I later asked him to move his arms because I wasn't comfortable, which wasn't true because I was; I just didn't want to touch him. He did. I also kicked off the covers and rolled to the edge of the bed. He was sleeping, but woke up a few minutes later and said: "Where'd you go? Why are you all the way over there? Aren't you cold? Come here," and he tried to hug me, but I snapped and told him to leave me alone and not touch me. Of course, he asked me what was wrong, but I said "nothing." He got mad here.

 

He told me was angry at me and my behavior, that wtf was wrong with me, that I was making him feel like sh*t, that he shouldn't have invited me, and that I had to go home. Only until here did I tell him why I was mad:

 

Because I feel that I go out of my way to make time for him, and believe me, I have waay more things to do, but I always make time for him. Yet I feel that he can easily say he's going to do something else, so I feel I'm getting the short end of the stick.

 

He said that I was crazy because he's with me about 4 days out of the week, and in that week, he only hangs out with his friends about once or twice.

 

I apologized but it was too late; he was too angry. He said I was being stupid, an idiot, and a bitch.

 

. . .

 

He demanded that I go home, and I did. On the way home, he didn't say a word; just "BYE!!" after I told him to say something.

 

The thing is that my parents had invited him over for dinner; or more like--they were going to make a dinner for him. He did briefly tell me to tell my parents he wasn't going to be able to go, but the subject was changed right away.

 

Oh, my . . . I messed up, didn't I? What should I do? I'm just sad because of Friday. I wonder if he's really not going to come . . .

 

Opinions? Thoughts? Advice?

[Guest]

Okay...well when i first read this, I was complately shocked by your behavior. He wanted to see you so you went over there. You asked to see him the next day, but he already had things he wanted to get done, but said on friday you two could see eachother? At least he mentioned that. I don't blame him for being upset with you for overreacting. But what do you do about it now? The situation will calm down and I'm sure you two will be okay. If you always feel like you go out of your way to make time for him an dhe doesn't for you...talk to him about it. Otherwise start backing off a little. Make him do more of the effort. You'r enot going to lose him by doing that. Focus on other things you need to get done...school, work, friends and see what happens. I'm not really sure what else to tell you but with you reacting that way probably makes the situation worse. Instead of acting kind of childish(trust me...I do sometimes too when angry) talk to him calmly. It'll be a better ending.

[MadDog]

Yeah, you messed up but that's no reason for him to get so mad and call you a bitch, etc. At the same time, there's nothing more annoying than a girl who gets really mad at a guy and then instead of telling him that she's mad and why, she just gives him attitude instead. Are you sure it wasn't PMS? My ex used to do this to me all the time and 4 out of 5 times, she had PMS (or more accurately PMDD).

 

A sincere apology goes a long way in these situations. If you just tell him you were wrong and that you should have just told him why you were upset instead of giving him hell, he'll be able to accept it and forgive you (if he's mature.)

 

MD

[Raven1845]

Yeah, you messed up. But like MadDog said, he shouldn't have gotten so angry about it.

 

I would have given ANYTHING to see my ex 4 days out of the week. I would have given ANYTHING to have him want me to fall asleep in his arms and to hear him tell me he loves me.

 

I envy you.

 

Just tell him you made a mistake. Tell him why you were angry and apologize. He, in turn, should apologize to you for getting as angry as he did.

 

I've noticed, though. When a guy is asleep and we mess with them, they tend to get EXTREMELY angry about it. Try to save the disagreements for when he's awake. He'll handle it better.

[kitten chick]

The bigger question should be why are you putting his needs first? You had homework and an exam and you knew you should have stayed home and gotten a good night sleep but you went over because he asked you to. If you had done what you needed to do you wouldn't have been so resentful of his not sacrificing for you. Start learning to put your needs first.

[the_alchemyst]

Thanks for the replies, guys.

 

I agree with you guys in that it was my fault for being so childish about it, and I also agree with the notion that he should not have gotten that angry.

 

I apologized many times to him when we were there, and he just kept saying "okay." He then admitted to just saying he "accepted" my apologies so that I would go, but that he didn't really accept them.

 

You see, he is very stubborn and immature in this way.

 

What troubles me the most is this Friday: My parents had arranged to make a dinner just for him, for no real reason. This had been set some weeks ago, like 1 or 2. I don't know what to do about this. Should I call him to ask? Or is calling only going to warrant me a bitter "no!"? What should I do about this?

 

And Raven, thanks for arranging your words in such a manner that they provide me with a completely different look at the situation.

 

And Kitten, yes: I do think I try way too hard to meet his needs. I do this because I love him, and because I want to spend time with him, too, anyway. But maybe I should stop going so out of my way for him . . . I just wouldn't want it to seem like I'm avoiding him out of spite or something. Sigh.

[Raven1845]

You're very welcome alchemyst.

 

 

As I was picturing your scenario, I pictured my ex. He is also very stubborn and immature when it comes to things like that, so I know how that can be.

 

If your parents have planned this dinner, I say call him. It's not as if you two broke up or anything. You just had a fight. It happens. If he's stubborn, he's waiting for you to call.

 

You may want to call and say, "Hi. First of all, I'd like to apologize for messing with you while you were sleeping. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. I wish you had reacted a little nicer, too, but I apologize for my part of it. My parents . . . "

 

If he likes for you to fall asleep in his arms after telling you he loves you, how can he say no to Friday?

 

Good luck! My fingers are crossed for you!

[the_alchemyst]

All right . . . so, I sent him a text message last night saying "call me, please. I need to tell you something." He didn't call back; gee--what a surprise.

 

I don't even know if he got the message, though, to be honest, because his cell phone is almost always off and he hardly every turns it on to check it. So, maybe he didn't, but maybe he did and is simply being a stubborn jerk.

 

So, I'm going to go to his house right now. I don't think he'll be home until around 9, so I will have to wait for him a little (and my god, I hope I get there first and not the other way around). I'm going to apologize for being so childish and immature.

 

I'm kinda scared, though. I know he's going to be a jerk at first, and give me "WTF are you doing here?" types of looks/questions. But oh, well. I messed up and I need to apologize. Plus, I hate being angry with each other.

 

It's just not in me. God, sometimes I wish I was an angry person or mean or something. I'm too nice, and look where that gets me.

 

I hope everything goes well. AHH!! *is nervous

[Delectable]

To hear my Mr. Wonderful say those 3 little words...would make my heart melt and remains a fantasy.

 

What you did was wrong...but you can't beat yourself up for it.

 

I totally agree that men seem to be more sensitive when they are asleep...wierd phenomenom!

 

He might be nervous about the dinner with your parents and not wanting to go there when there is stress between the two of you. I'm glad you are on your way to ask him...if he says no...accept it...you played a part in it not happening...it's okay to be disappointed but you really can't berate him for not wanting to go after there has been such a wedge between you two this week.

 

In anycase...My Mr. Wonderful has the best saying...It's not so much about the apology it's what you do afterwards that really counts...let this be the last time this type of outburst happens...follow MadDog's advice and learn to tell him what you are feeling(admittedly I am the pot calling the kettle black right now)...It is really good advice and from a Man too!

[fraidycat]

Well, I will admit you acted like a two year old..did you stomp your feet at all by any chance? Ok Ok I'll quit and be nice. He calls you a b*tch? You're with him why? I don't know what the point of this relationship is, you want what he can't give or else you feel worthless and under appreciated even with what efforts he makes for you. I see you both leading to the road of resentment in the future. SOMething has gotta give. He needs to quit calling you a b*tch and you need to quit acting Five. If you both stop now and do some growing up you might have a chance other than that........