thebrig Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 If you've read my other post from today, you will know that I have been considering breaking up with my boyfriend of 2.5+ years since December. Long story short, things are 'perfect', they always have been... but something is missing now, something feels wrong to me. My boyfriend is my bestfriend, no questions asked. I think one major issue I'm having is whether or not we could actually remain friends after. I can pretty honestly say that if I were to break up with my boyfriend and a friendship could not follow, It wouldn't be worth breaking up to me. I care for him and love him. He understands me and I understand him and I don't want to miss that connection with him in my life. Do you think we could remain friends??? I think realizing that couldn't happen would be as devastating to me as the break up would be to him. From an outsider's perspective, what does this mean? Do you think I'm really in a state to break up with him? Do you think I need some time and space to realize what he really means to me?
destination_unknown Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 You are saying your boyfriend is your bestfriend and that you really care about him but you think there might be somone better out there ... should you break up with him. Nobody can really answer that question, but if you do, be prepared to find out after a few months that the grass is not always greener and that you may have given up something great. Most people feel a loss of excitement in their relationship if you settle into a kind of comfortable pattern so they leave to find that excitement with somebody new only to have the same thing happen again. What i would suggest is trying to re-commit to the relationship you are already in before breaking up. Do new stuff together, sports or whatever, liven things up a bit in your current relationship. You may be just in a bit of a rut, you cant expect your feelings of boredom to just disappear without trying to do something to change your relationship. I dont want you to make a mistake and then regret it, the only way you can be sure is to try your utmost to liven up the current relationship and see if that brings back the spark. If it doesnt then at least you will be sure.
Elyssa Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Many times when a man and a woman are good friends and spend alot of time together, naturally phase into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship without actually considering if they feel that way about eachother. It just feels natural, and it happens.... you love him, but you must ask yourself: are you IN LOVE with him? Chances are, that's what's missing. Talk to him and see how he feels, if it turns out the same happened to him, you can probably revert back to being just friends without problems. Now, if he's deeply in love with you, it will not be so easy... -E
Author thebrig Posted March 16, 2006 Author Posted March 16, 2006 thanks for the replies, oddly enough it hadn't really crossed my mind to try to liven things up... I mean we tried to work on our sex life, but obviously there's a lot more to a relationship. I'm definitley going to try this!! THANKS! We weren't friends before we started dating, and I was IN love with him, and yes he's still very much in love with me... he's just such an amazing person, and our relationship has been so healthy and fun it makes everything so much harder and more confusing.
peegee Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Scary this is exactly what i am going through at the moment Gf of 2 1/2 years deciced she wasnt in love with me anymore but we were best friends exactly the same as you. She ended it with me in january and i moved out since then she has realised she is in love with me and she does want to be with me. I was so in love with her there is no way i could have been her friend it would have killed me and it is only when i told her i would not be contacting her anymore she opend up and told me things she had wanted to do for weeks! So be carefull what you do i suggest you sit and talk to him see where the problems are he might be feeling the same thing but be scared to work it out. i realised a lot when i moved out and am in the process of sorting my problems out as is she so we can move forward again this is as close to my situation as it could be you have no idea!! your name isnt jenn is it? if you wanna chat about it and i can tell you the silly mistakes she made and didnt need to email me [email protected]
Mary3 Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I agree with the Posters. You indeed have something very rare and wonderful and I would WORK on this. When you have given 100% then you can step back and make a final choice
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