thebrig Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I've been considering breaking up with my boyfriend of 2.5+years now since December. Basically I feel like my main issue is commitment. Over the past few months my feelings have changed drastically, I have crushes, my mind wanders, and I wonder if I’m missing out not only on friends and experiences but possibly even on someone who could be better suited for me. I can tell you I love my boyfriend; i care for him and always will. He is my best friend and I can't imagine life without that friendship. Some days I feel like there is no other way out except to break up, some days my doubts are so overwhelming I feel like there really mustn’t be a problem. Basically what I'm wondering here is what is going through your heads before breaking off a very serious relationship? Do you have as many doubts as I do? It seems to me the answer should be clear, that it has to happen, but why can't I ever come to that conclusion and stay with it for more than a few days? I've considered calling a 'break'. I would normally disagree with this approach, but right now, knowing that something isn't right and I'm not myself around him anymore but the fact that my mind is full of doubt, it seems like the logical approach. For those of you who have called breaks, are you best to have no contact? I'm really just so confused right now. No matter how hard and long I try to sit and sort things through, I can't make sense of my mixed feelings, any help or advice is appreciated.
vertigo Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 When you state that your main issue is commitment and your feelings have changed drastically and you are wondering if there may be someone better suited for you....it appears that even though you may love him and always will...the love that you feel for him seems to be leaning towards a best friend type of relationship that you want and need, yet you are questioning if it is the best intimate relationship that you are looking for, and you don't want to lose what you had as friends, which is also important to you. If you don't feel 100% commited, I believe it would not be fair to your BF if you did not tell him how you feel. If you are talking about taking a break and possibly no contact...it appears that your mind is pretty much made up on the relationship and you want to search for something better, but you don't want to hurt his feelings in the process and risk losing the friendship that you once had. In all honesty I would rather know the truth than to be given false hope, that by taking a break there still may be a chance.
climbergirl Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I agree. You aren't doing anyone any favors by continuing a relationship where you are 'looking' for someone better suited for you. You've pretty much put your SO in the position as a 'back up'-and they in turn deserve to find someone who is better suited for them.
batesal Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Basically I feel like my main issue is commitment. Over the past few months my feelings have changed drastically, I have crushes, my mind wanders, and I wonder if I’m missing out not only on friends and experiences but possibly even on someone who could be better suited for me. This happened to my relationship. My ex ended it with me because she told me she was worried that she was missing out on the big picture. What BIG picture she was talking about I dunno. But she never told me she was unhappy about the relationship, but I could see that there was something wrong with her. One day she just decided that she had enough and she ended it with me. It really broke my heart, not because I felt that I couldn't find anyone else, it was becuase she just broke up with me, with no excuse whatsoever. That will kill anyone. I know that your BF has seen you acting a little different both mentally and physically, and I serious believe that if you have decided to end your relationship with him, you need to talk to him first and explain in detail why you feel that this is the best thing for you. Taking a break, for you, would be that you are done with him for now or forever. Taking a break for him would be that you will come around within a week, month at the most, and things will be better. You have to explain to him about the "break" as well, so he understands what that really means, cause you will be giving him false hope, just like my ex did to me. GOOD LUCK on your decision
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