Simons Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I read this somewhere and i could not stop debating upon it. I look back the way i handled my break up, to realize that probably i never put a fight. ..It used to be that a man had to have two bullets in his head to quit whatever he was doing. Men used to be tough and not look for the exit door every time things got rough. Now, at the first sign of trouble, men put up their hands and say "I quit," instead of fighting the tough battle. It's easy to say "I quit," but the real champions are the ones who stay in the battle. Whether it's stress at work or a relationship that has hit some bumps, quitting when faced with adversity has become too popular and too easy for too many men.. May be things could have been different if i could have some two bullets on my head and faced the challenge as a man instead of resorting to NC. As much as NC has helped to move on and learned some of my mistakes, the question is: Will i be resorting to this kind of method every time i have a problem with my next girl friend?? I think we should stop hiding behind NC and face the music. Ask for a second chance or third chance. The truth of the matter is no body here in this forum is using NC to move on, but use it as a tool to get back to their exes. So men, lets have some backbone and face it. I think we will heal faster if we know we tried but failed. What do you guys think??
kitten chick Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Men don't put any effort into their relationships and it doesn't even take any kind of adversity to make them walk away. It wouldn't be so bad if they were honest about it upfront at least. I also don't think everyone uses NC to get back with their exs.
Author Simons Posted March 15, 2006 Author Posted March 15, 2006 Men don't put any effort into their relationships and it doesn't even take any kind of adversity to make them walk away. It wouldn't be so bad if they were honest about it upfront at least. I also don't think everyone uses NC to get back with their exs. 1. they groom like women 2. talk about their "feelings" 3. men watch too much Oprah in general men are whipped!!!! How sad.
tanbark813 Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Men don't put any effort into their relationships and it doesn't even take any kind of adversity to make them walk away. That's complete bulls***. Neither gender is universely more predisposed to putting a greater amount of energy into a relationship. I've had a number of gf's put less effort into the relationship than myself. And I guess having the past 3 gf's cheat on me doesn't count as adversity. It's not "giving up" if the other person is a f**ktard.
kitten chick Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I've never heard of a man watching Oprah. And I guess having the past 3 gf's cheat on me doesn't count as adversity. There CAN be adversity but there doesn't have to be. What the f*** is a f***tard?
tanbark813 Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 What the f*** is a f***tard? It's like a retard but worse.
kitten chick Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 It's like a retard but worse. Yes, then I would agree with you. It's not giving up if the other person is a f***tard.
KittenMoon Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 The problem is that, in our society, males still aren't being raised with the ability to clearly define and then discuss their thoughts and emotions. They feel them, but often they push them down, try to exercise them through damaging behaviors, or simply CANNOT understand where they are coming from and why. I will never expect a man to emote like a woman does. In fact, I have found guys that do a bit.... creepy. But I do expect a man to examine, evaluate, and then clearly express his thoughts and emotions when needed, even if those emotions add up to "i'm confused and there's stuff I can't figure out". My new-ex bf is completely out of touch with his emotions and just COULD NOT express them, or compartmentalize them in a way that emotions from one area of his life didn't poison others. Every time I tried to get through to him, to force him to discuss the reality of his emotions, he'd break down and I could see how lost and confused he was. But he was not willing to fight through the problems and the pain. I barely got a token effort, even after 6 years of love. Now that we're apart, I know he'll repress all over again and I know that's not healthy. But as much as I love him and would almost be willing to sacrifice what remains of "us" to drag him, kicking and screaming if need be, into some sort of cathartic understanding, I know he'll only grow if he comes to it himself. If he ever does. I pray now for a man willing to really fight the bad stuff.
7on Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Emotions? What are those? Men are turning into women and women are turning into men. That's how I think the tend is going.
KittenMoon Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 If you want a true love, learn to share your emotions in a healthy manner. If you don't, get a maid and a hooker. Connecting emotionally isn't a joke.
Author Simons Posted March 15, 2006 Author Posted March 15, 2006 If you want a true love, learn to share your emotions in a healthy manner. If you don't, get a maid and a hooker. Connecting emotionally isn't a joke. BS The most important reason men have lost all sense of masculinity is our inability to be master of our own domain. We have handed over the whip to our women, and allowed them to use it, liberally, frequently, and without discretion. No decision can be made without consulting the female -- our word as the final say is a running joke when we accept being second fiddle in the hierarchy chain.
CaliGuy Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Men don't put any effort into their relationships and it doesn't even take any kind of adversity to make them walk away. It wouldn't be so bad if they were honest about it upfront at least. I also don't think everyone uses NC to get back with their exs. Not all men. I fought extremely hard to keep my relationship going with my ex for two years. In the end, I still lost, but at least I can move on knowing I gave it everything I had.
KittenMoon Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 BS The most important reason men have lost all sense of masculinity is our inability to be master of our own domain. We have handed over the whip to our women, and allowed them to use it, liberally, frequently, and without discretion. No decision can be made without consulting the female -- our word as the final say is a running joke when we accept being second fiddle in the hierarchy chain. Simons, with this sort of attitude, you better settle into the idea of being a frequent flier on LoveShack.org.
Author Simons Posted March 15, 2006 Author Posted March 15, 2006 Simons, with this sort of attitude, you better settle into the idea of being a frequent flier on LoveShack.org. I am thinking about it.
jerbear Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Emotions? What are those? Men are turning into women and women are turning into men. That's how I think the tend is going. Oh great, where is my perfume! Oh wait, I'm using a bear avatar!! :lmao: :lmao:
jerbear Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I've not given up on my prior 2 relationships. Got a second chance for one. Currently working on 1 1/2 chance right now but pretty much square 1 again. However I'm at crunch time with graduation and finishing my requirements. She knows about the time frame and is actually telling me to get it done; then we'll talk. I don't know, sounds like a keeper to me. Most men do not give up only to get two bullets or in today's terms, restraining order or classified as stalker! I personally don't want to be shot at or be legally restrained. I would have to say even some women give up after the first big arguement where she would say I don't want to talk to you again. Only to have both parties later apologize, kiss, makeup, have sex. Now if the girl cheats; to me that desires some rethinking. As in is she really worth it. There are times, giving up is the better way. NC is used to heal. I don't use NC as a ploy to get someone back. If she started NC, well a guy like me would still try to contact till she really really says f-off; either that or wait a few days before making a peep. (easter time with them sugar puff treats called Peeps)
monkey00 Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 No decision can be made without consulting the female -- our word as the final say is a running joke when we accept being second fiddle in the hierarchy chain. that's where your wrong. Big decisions yes should be discussed together...small decisions not so much, the guy should take charge of actions. As for fighting to make a relationship work...well IMHO it should be 2-sided, only then it can be the most successful. If one person doesnt care...there's really not much you can do or say to convince the relationship to work otherwise...the war is already lost before the battle started. This is where people move on and NC comes to play. as for biting the bullet and moving on...well plenty of opportunities out there for everyone, i suppose thats how most people see it.
SmoochieFace Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I think we should stop hiding behind NC and face the music. Ask for a second chance or third chance. The truth of the matter is no body here in this forum is using NC to move on, but use it as a tool to get back to their exes. So men, lets have some backbone and face it. I think we will heal faster if we know we tried but failed. What do you guys think?? NC/ZC for me isn't about *hiding away* or any other form of *running*. It is a conscious and very determined decision to move on to better things. THAT is a sure sign of having backbone - to acknowledge that the relationship is indeed over and that there is absolutely no point in *crawling back* to any X for any *second chance* garbage. If I am left by someone I don't give a damn what the reason is. The only thing I am interested in is moving on. From that moment the X is *dead* to me. Period. That's all it is, folks. Listen to "Sail On" by The Commodores for a clearer understanding...
Author Simons Posted March 15, 2006 Author Posted March 15, 2006 "...To put it kindly, men have become whining, pathetic losers incapable of handling a little hardship, incapable of handling criticism -- essentially we are slowly becoming women. And here's some news, boys: the ladies agree. Women have noticed the feminization of men too, and despite what you might hear about the sensitive New Age clowns being the ideal Romeos women are looking for, it's total bull crap. Women want a man who will act like a man, who will take charge, who can make decisions, who doesn't cry, and who faces fear...." 1
lindya Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 BS The most important reason men have lost all sense of masculinity is our inability to be master of our own domain. We have handed over the whip to our women, and allowed them to use it, liberally, frequently, and without discretion. No decision can be made without consulting the female -- our word as the final say is a running joke when we accept being second fiddle in the hierarchy chain. I don't think things are going to start improving for you until you take personal responsibility for feeling powerless, rather than attempting to portray that feeling as some sort of sociological phenomenon that applies to all men. All men are not powerless. If you are, then you need to figure out why that is and how you can help yourself to feel more in control of your own life.
Author Simons Posted March 15, 2006 Author Posted March 15, 2006 I don't think things are going to start improving for you until you take personal responsibility for feeling powerless, rather than attempting to portray that feeling as some sort of sociological phenomenon that applies to all men. All men are not powerless. If you are, then you need to figure out why that is and how you can help yourself to feel more in control of your own life. Lindya, you are at it again!!. Not all men are powerless, but the trend is alarming!!
lindya Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Lindya, you are at it again!!. Not all men are powerless, but the trend is alarming!! So what do you propose to do about it?
Author Simons Posted March 15, 2006 Author Posted March 15, 2006 So what do you propose to do about it? Men need to change their way of life. We need to go back to days when men were men.
alphamale Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Women want a man who will act like a man, who will take charge, who can make decisions, who doesn't cry, and who faces fear...." big deal!!! this is nothing new as far as what women want. what is new are the pussies walking around masquerading as men...
lindya Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Men need to change their way of life. We need to go back to days when men were men. Even in literature from earlier centuries, there were men who felt they didn't get the respect they deserved from women. Often, those are men who don't get much respect from other men either - but for some reason it seems harder for guys to admit that they feel emasculated by other men. Consider the thinking surrounding the Oedipal Complex. The little boy fears castration - not by his mother, but by his father , who might castrate him as a punishment for getting too emotionally close to mummy. Dad is, of course, allowed to get as close as he likes to Mum. Nobody's going to mock or threaten to castrate him for that....
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