flowergirl Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Good afternoon, everyone. Well, on to my story. My boyfriend got irritated with me this morning because I awakened him to drive me to work because I was running late. I had missed the bus, and I didn't want to be late two days in a row. I stayed over at his house last night, and went to sleep late, so I overslept. I work for my mother, and she's controlling and particular about time, so I was scared she'd be mad at me for being 5-10 minutes late two days in a row. My boyfriend has a fairly casual outlook on life, so he really can't understand why it's a big deal to be 10 minutes late two days in a row. He says I worry too much about pleasing my mother, and although that's true to some extent, I don't see how that relates to this instance, and I feel it's very immature to be so blase about such a vital issue. I love him to pieces because he's such a fantastic person, but I'm having real trouble getting past this. What do you guys think?
catgirl1927 Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Well, if you weren't working for your mother, you STILL shouldn't be late to work. So, it's not really about pleasing your mother as much as it's about respecting your responsibilities. Grown ups get to work on time, regardless of who they work for. Honestly my advice is no more mid-week sleepovers.
Author flowergirl Posted March 15, 2006 Author Posted March 15, 2006 Hey, Catgirl: I take full responsibility for oversleeping and being late. My main concern was my boyfriend's attitude towards the situation, and whether I should continue dating someone who is so casual about timeliness, because to me that attitude indicates immaturity and that one doesn't take life seriously.
blind_otter Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Is he casual about his timeliness, or yours? I don't care if my BF gets to work on time or not. That's his problem. He sets his own alarm and wakes himself up. Period. If he's late, tough nuts. I'm not his keeper, I'm not his mother.
whichwayisup Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 B_O is right. It's good that you have taken responsibility for sleeping late, but in a sense, if your boyfriend couldn't drive you, or if his car was broken, you'd have to face the music and deal with your mom eitherway, right? So, in a way it is still your responsibility to get yourself to work. Call and say you missed the bus, and are either waiting for another one or cab it, then offer to stay abit late at work (mom or no mom, any employer would expect this from their employee's) or work through your lunch to make up the time. How is your boyfriend the rest of the time? I don't see that as a reason to end a relationship with someone. Sorry, just my take on it.
Touche Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Hey, Catgirl: I take full responsibility for oversleeping and being late. My main concern was my boyfriend's attitude towards the situation, and whether I should continue dating someone who is so casual about timeliness, because to me that attitude indicates immaturity and that one doesn't take life seriously. I think he was just irritated with you because you asked him for a ride. Make the bus and don't ask him for a ride and I'll bet he won't be irritated with you anymore.
No Stress Lady Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Hey, Catgirl: I take full responsibility for oversleeping and being late. My main concern was my boyfriend's attitude towards the situation, and whether I should continue dating someone who is so casual about timeliness, because to me that attitude indicates immaturity and that one doesn't take life seriously. You referred earlier to this being "such a vital issue" - are there other issues here that you're not explaining? Does your boyfriend have a job? Do he and your mother get along? Would you maybe rather not be working with your mother? When it comes to timekeeping we're all different - from the info you've given you sound like you're projecting an awful lot of frustration onto your boyfriend about this when, in fact, this particular situation was of your own making. If he's chronically late for everything then I can understand that getting annoying.... None of us are perfect and a "flexible" approach to timekeeping isn't the worst problem you could be having with him!!! If he's such "a fantastic person" in all other ways it may be worth just accepting his attitude on this.............
catgirl1927 Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Hey, Catgirl: I take full responsibility for oversleeping and being late. My main concern was my boyfriend's attitude towards the situation, and whether I should continue dating someone who is so casual about timeliness, because to me that attitude indicates immaturity and that one doesn't take life seriously. I didn't mean to imply that you weren't! I meant to imply that you were and HE wasn't! I totally agree with you, having the same ideas about timeliness and taking work seriously is really important.
Lil Honey Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 The first problem was the you woke him up. The second problem was that you made him get out of bed. Yep, it was your responsibility to get to the bus on time. And yes, if this is what mid-week sleepovers do, then maybe you should re-think them. BUT, I can understand your frustration, too. What's so tough about jumping in the car and helping someone get to work on time? Boyfriends and girlfriends do things for each other, don't they? Was he working late the night before? Did you have an extremely early schedule for waking up? Was he going to be going to work or school? Were you making him late for something? I was married to a man who didn't think promptness was important. It made me absolutely nuts. (I like to be a few minutes early.) Although my ex didn't act like it, I think it's pretty selfish to make another person wait because you are late. He didn't have a clue (or didn't care) that those people had other people that would have to get bumped down the line.
No Stress Lady Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 The first problem was the you woke him up. The second problem was that you made him get out of bed. Yep, it was your responsibility to get to the bus on time. And yes, if this is what mid-week sleepovers do, then maybe you should re-think them. BUT, I can understand your frustration, too. What's so tough about jumping in the car and helping someone get to work on time? Boyfriends and girlfriends do things for each other, don't they? Was he working late the night before? Did you have an extremely early schedule for waking up? Was he going to be going to work or school? Were you making him late for something? I was married to a man who didn't think promptness was important. It made me absolutely nuts. (I like to be a few minutes early.) Although my ex didn't act like it, I think it's pretty selfish to make another person wait because you are late. He didn't have a clue (or didn't care) that those people had other people that would have to get bumped down the line. I hear you on this Lil Honey!!!! Always being late socially is like a subtle form of control - making others wait for you. A friend in my social circle is always late and it drives the rest of us nuts. I also dated a guy years ago who was always late - I ended up telling him we had to be ready an hour earlier than we ever really needed to be and still ended up dumping him!!!! So if the OP has this to contend with then I sympathise!!!
catgirl1927 Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I married a guy who was ALWAYS at least a hour late to EVERYTHING. Unless it was something for him, then he wanted me to be early. I am not married to him any more. Not just because of the lateness, but because he was selfish, lazy, and didn't give a crap about any other human on the earth but himself. And he was a liar. But that's another story for another time...
jerbear Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Regardless of who you work for, someone else or you mother. It is you who is ultimately responsable to get to work ontime. I would not break up over not driving you to work. Is he responsible for other issues? Does he have a job, if not, is it because he is "carefree" and late? If he is immature now, wait till his boss, judge, venture capitalist, senator, congressperson, or future father-in-law has to wait. He'll fail and learn the hard way; then come home telling you he got laid off or fired again.
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