nolov Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Hypothetical question: If you could choose 1 thing your marraige lacked that drove you to cheat, what was it? Me- No attention, affection or feeling love
CeeJayXX Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 One thing lacking?.... simple communication - Everyday communication. Remember the little notes or "I love you's" that appeared while dating or first married?... The quick phone calls to "Hi".........Its that basic.
Walking away Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Respect for one another. To me, it is simple. You must respect each other.
Art_Critic Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 When I was married I never cheated but there was once that I thought about it.. The thing that made me think about it was the disrespect that she showed me behind closed doors.. In the open/public she showed me all the respect in the world but behind closed doors it dissappeared..
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Good question! For me, it was like for you, nolov: inattention, not being heard, not being appreciated, not being touched by my husband. At the lowest point of my marriage, I was contemplating on finding love elsewhere... and hurting him in the process. Of course, that was wrong, and I am glad that I did not go through with it.
cal gal Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 Respect, all the way around my ex husband didn't know the meaning of the word. Doesn't mean we didn't have amazing and fun times over the years, just boils down to that basic no respect factor.. don't have it- can't fix it....so sad - in the end....
electric_sheep Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I don't think there is any one thing ... no particular event, problem, or personality trait. I think what happens is many things add up and then something shifts in your mind. On a fundamental level you just don't care as much about the relationship as before. Of course the relationship is still special enough for you to stay in it, but that unexplainable "magical" something is missing, and so you come to think of the relationship more realistically and in more down to earth terms. Then, if you are passive aggressive like me, or else simply horny ... uh oh.
elijahBailey Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 oh wow, yeah, this is a pretty good question. Made me think about it for a while. For me, it would be that she's lacking in the seduction department.
max003 Posted March 23, 2006 Posted March 23, 2006 routine, passionless sex with someone who is clearly just going through the motions to keep you quiet
Blind Illusion Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 I know exactly what it was for me....it was the constant criticism and put-downs by my husband that when someone else came along doing the opposite, I was drawn to him. Like others said above, the lack of respect comes into play when you cross that line. The funniest thing of all, none of it ever had to do with sex for me, even though there was a renewed sense of feeling sexually alive once again. That alone wouldn't have done it, though.
LonelyLolo Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 I had a one night stand, and I'm still married. I thought about cheating a lot before I actually went through with it. Why did it happen? I feel like my husband loves me, but is not in love with me. He has not taken any interest in my life/feelings for about two years or so and despite communicating my needs to him he has made no effort to change. He hasn't seemed interested in me and who I am (emotionally, or sexually) for a long time. I guess you could say I reached a point where I felt defeated in my relationship - once you ask for the same thing over and over again for so long you start to give up on the possibility of things ever getting better. My esteem was also so low from being shut down emotionally/sexually by my husband so many times.
basscatcher Posted March 26, 2006 Posted March 26, 2006 R-E-S-P-E-C-T... that entails the whole enchilada....
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