meindeep Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I read this post and it made me feel something. I am the ex-OW, and for once, I think I feel her (W) pain, not mine. I actually "got it" when I read this. Maybe it makes her real for me. I didnt post this here to be cruel, but it did make me think real hard about the wife, and the impact our affair had on someone other than ourselves. I feel so bad for my part in making someone feel this way. I didnt think about it at the time, but now I do. What HIS affair has done to me -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Some days are better than others. Today was not so good. I dont know why I rethink what has happened, it tears me up, why do I do it? I found myslef today, crying like a child, sobbing so much my eyes are red and blood shot. I collapsed to the bathroom floor, clutching my towel to soak my painful tears. Something to bite, to keep me from screaming. Thoughts of them in my head, the times he lied to me, things he said to her, things he did with her, things he didnt do with me. These thoughts, sometimes, haunt my mind.The more I try to push them out, the stronger the images get. Then, I wonder, does he still talk to her, see her? How do I know? How do I know? He is on his way home. Quick, grab my towel, throw cold water on my face, put makeup on to hide the red puffy eyes. Quick, put on my smile, act like everything is fine, and I am just so happy, thats wat he wants from me. Cant tell him I am unhappy, having a moment, a bad day. Its too much for him to handle. Why cant she just get over it, he thinks. I wonder if it really DOES hurt him to see me in so much pain? Whats wrong he asks? Nothing I reply, while thinking you ignorrant stupid motherF***er, you cheated on me, remember? Cant mention it, unless of course I want to start a fight. No, no energy for that. I am a beaten down dog. He is horney now, wants sex. I dont feel much like it but I cant refuse, I would then be NOT meeting his needs. Another reason to continue the affair I think, so I must please him, and keep him pleased, sometimes forsaking myself. Tomorrow is another day, maybe a good one. Maybe I will feel love and be able to give myself to him. Have fun and laugh like we use to. Then in a week, I will feel just like this again.
lovernotafighter Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I read this post and it made me feel something. I am the ex-OW, and for once, I think I feel her (W) pain, not mine. I actually "got it" when I read this. Maybe it makes her real for me. I didnt post this here to be cruel, but it did make me think real hard about the wife, and the impact our affair had on someone other than ourselves. I feel so bad for my part in making someone feel this way. I didnt think about it at the time, but now I do. I read this thread in the infidelity forum last night and I am a MW with a MM and it did truely stir my emotions. my A is both ES and PA and I do realize how much pain this could cause our spouses..but this thread made it so real because it is hard for me to put myself in the W's shoes. see I'm not a person who would be shattered if my H was in a affair..in fact he is a voyeur and works with porn I never had issues with it but often forget other women are more emotional than I am...also forget my own H though he does this stuff would be heartbroken to know I share my love with another. this thread has given me food for thought..thanks for reposting.
scarletletter Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I also read that thread and it was disturbing. It really didn't make me feel my mm's wife's pain, because she would never have any. She would really be glad if she found out because it would give her a reason to take all of the money from him that she can so she won't have to work. The woman in the infidelity forum absolutely broke my heart. I cannot imagine dealing with that kind of pain. She is really in a bad place and i wish I could help her but don't know how.
prfrogkisser Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Reading that post brough back painful memories:( Going through a divorce because of infidelity is the worst thing that can happen to any human being. You go through all kinds of feelings. Like: Anger , Guilt, Sadness, Desperation, Depression and Loneliness. You go into a marriage and give 100% and then a reality check slaps you in the face and you find out (the crude hurtful way) that the person you married didnt value your feelings and the marriage as much as you did. It totally sucks. But then i didnt want to fall into self pity. I learned that life must go on and things happen for a reason. I am a stronger person know and i have learned from it. I cant say it was easy . I hit rock bottom but i didnt give up on me. I concentrated in myself and the wonderful feeling of loving myself and being happy.Then the time came. He wanted me back and i had the pleasure of telling him NO I DONT WANT YOU BACK I DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER and this i truly believe in my heart:)
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