dreaming4ever Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Ok, this is an odd situation I'm in but let me explain.....(I'll keep it short) I met this guy in September through a friend and we started dating and things were going really good and we were working through our long distance relationship just making things work. Everything was going well, we were happy and really in tune with each other and would often talk for a long period of time about our interests and cuddle, etc. We were a couple for a while but a couple months into the relationship my feelings changed and I just didn't feel for him what I had before. I don't exactly know why, it just happened. I told him about it at the time and we tried to work through it but it never changed. I couldn't feel more for him than I already did. I felt close to him but I never got that "crazy for him" feeling that I'd had with previously boyfriends. So, we broke up but we kept in touch. He said the only way that we could still talk is if we were together because it would hurt him too much to see me and not be able to touch me. But I didn't want to say goodbye b/c I felt so close to him and he was like my best friend. So, when he moved closer for school, a couple months ago we decided to "date" where we are really close still and do things with each other but we're not officially a couple, we're just dating. I'm in such a dilemma though because my feelings haven't changed for him and I pretty much know they're not going to, which he knows. But if I tell him we can only be friends he says he can't even talk to me because he'd have to get over me. We've been spending every moment we have free together hanging out and having fun. He's amazing and treats me really nice and he listens to me and really cares. But, a part of me feels blah because I have no desire to kiss him or anything like that. We haven't even done anything sexual in a month because I just plain don't want to do that with him. So what do I do? I really need him in my life and would be so lonely without him. But I'm just not feeling it.........any suggestions? This is the weirdest relationship I've ever been in. I don't even know why I'm doing it. I feel bad too because he's new to the area and doesn't know anyone at all so if he didn't talk to me anymore he'd be all alone. What do I do? It's just too hard to let go..........please help!
monkey00 Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 you only have control over your own actions/speech, and the same goes for him. if he doesnt want to be friends or keep in contact, you cant force him to. Personally for me that's happened in the past, and im sure down some point it happens to anyone that dates at least once. the passion dies and you lose attraction for one another...it's perfectly normal. the interest is still there which is a good start to form friendships... but in most of these instances when it happens, people go their own way and just lose contact, that's how dating goes. if it's hard for him to be in your presence or talk to you, you should just let him go.
justagirliegirl Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 In your prior relationships did the giddy feeling die out and things fell apart? I have found if you keep chasing the giddy feeling which is lust and not love, you'll never be in a relationship for very long. I think you gave up in this relationship at the point where the newness was fading off and the chance for solid love begins.
Author dreaming4ever Posted March 15, 2006 Author Posted March 15, 2006 monkey00, Letting him go is going to be so hard considering he's been like my best friend for months and months now. I don't know if I can bring myself to do it..... justagirliegirl, In my prior relationships, I didn't feel like this at all because I fell in love and was still excited to be with the person for a very long time. With this relationship I never had the same excitement at all. I don't get it b/c he's a much nicer guy than my previous two main relationships....but it's just how I feel.
a4a Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 As to the original title which is worse? being unfufilled or being alone? Hell being unfulfilled is way worse!! You are stuck without the freedom of being alone. You are obligated in a relationship yet not getting what you need or want from it. I would take being alone and fulfilling myself over being obligated to another person and being unhappy/unfulfilled.
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