calm_rage Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 I left my boyfriend of two years for my ex about a year ago. It was a very messy break up and I still feel guilty as hell. I was with T for about 3 months when we decided to call it quits. We were too young and immature to know what to do with a full on relationship and so we split. It was hard, we were always around each other because of our circle of friends and we had our periods of anger, but there were no romantic feelings left, or so I thought... I met B and got drawn into a 2 year relationship. I was so happy for about a year but then on came the real side of B. He was jealous, manipulative and thought he had the right to control every aspect of my life. I was miserbale but he lowered my self esteem and I just stayed for reasons I don't even know. Then, T and I became friends again. We started hanging out again with our friends (with B always watching close by). If B hadn't have been so jealous of every guy near me I don't think I would have developed feelings again for T, or at least I would have worked on the relationship. T was after all, one of my oldest friends and aside from any feelings, I missed his friendship. B forbade me from speaking to T without him present (no jokes!) and made me promise. I had to or he would never have left me alone. I was drawn to T however, and because I wasn't allowed to speak to him, because of B's jealousy, I had to do it behind his back. BIG MISTAKE on the part of B! Feelings developed and I began to talk to T n the phone, I guess I had a miny EA which lasted for about 2 weeks. Then I realised how stupid this was and I broke it off with B. He assumed, as did everyone else, that I had slept with T (I hadn't even hugged him since we were going out last!) and started getting really annoying. In the end, I started NC and I have had a great relationship with T (I live with him and he is so sweet now!) However, I still feel guilt for leaving B for T. I know he had trust issues because of his family and underneath all of the crap he really did love me. I regret not having handled it better, I wish I could be friends with B (we haven't spoken 1 word to each other in the whole year) but I guess it will never happen.
Author calm_rage Posted March 15, 2006 Author Posted March 15, 2006 I'm bumping your thead ... that's nice...
tanbark813 Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Well then it sounds like B was justified in being worried about T since you guys got back together. I don't think you can really blame the guy for being right.
Citizen Erased Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Well then it sounds like B was justified in being worried about T since you guys got back together. I don't think you can really blame the guy for being right. so true. Then again, I think with his jealousy he was over reacting, preventing her from SPEAKING to another man (um possesive much?), so what is forbidden always seems like that big juicy apple, it's how humans work. Honey, why were you even with him for? If he was so controlling and jealous then how could you stand 2 years with him? I'd go nuts. Luck with your new boyfriend (or apple...)
tanbark813 Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 so true. Then again, I think with his jealousy he was over reacting, preventing her from SPEAKING to another man (um possesive much?), so what is forbidden always seems like that big juicy apple, it's how humans work. Yeah, but I find it hard to believe that if B was totally cool with everything then she wouldn't have developed any feelings for T. I think this just goes to show you that you ultimately can't control what the other person is going to do.
Citizen Erased Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Exactly. I am a firm believer of not delaying the inevitable when it comes to relationships, and I guess that all are probably happier then before, but the OP needs to get over her guilt. If he is over this then no need to feel guilt. Sometimes we need to look after ourselves rather then everyone else.
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