pacificdove Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Each day, I cant stop but think of him... He didn't lose a night's sleep; He doesn't see things how we used to do; He ALREADY has someone, even before he left me.... He can carry on like my existence was only a dream, while I suffer everything. He already has someone he can cuddle up with, sleeping while I'm alone. Tossing and Turning, missing him. It snowed today so much... I remembered helping him snowblow our driveway together, warming with hot tea afterwards. I cried driving, when snow visited me harmoniously, hitting my windshield. Tears occupying my face, I cried so much calling his name....and yet, I heard no reply except the sound of wind, Why...? It's so unfair! He feels nothing at all towards me! How can this be, this was someone who wanted to know everything what I do, how I feel, plan future...where did this man suddenly go ? It's more painful than losing someone through death. At least with death you know the love was there, and now HE is gone...beyond reach to NOWHERE. But, knowing he is just a phone call or e-mail or messenger away, and can't reach out to share your special moments of the day, it's a torture! Why am I being punished for loving you and wanting the best for our future?.....Why? I am hurt, angry and missing him ...does this make sense ?
Sunfisher Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 You are suffering a broken heart. Something millions of other people experience - you're not alone. You don't give too many other details of your breakup or why he left you for someone else, etc. Just know you are not alone - you're in good company on Loveshack - take time to read some of the other posts and talk to people in your same situation. Lots of good folks on here who can truly sympathize and offer support. Hang in there.
UT_longhorn Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 pcific dove...the unfairness of it all. i felt it. i wondered how my ex could leave me to be so happy while i was left in shambles. its so unfair .. its so unfair. i would say to my mom. and you know what...it is unfair. it really is...but here's the great thing, you wont think that way for long. i know it sounds impossible, but one day you'll look back and be thankful you went through this experience. of course no body wants to experience deep pain. no one wants to loose love. but when the pain subsides, and the emotions leave, you will have a completely new perspective. i want to give you hope...hope that it gets better. no heart can be broken forever. the human spirit is too strong for that. yes its going to be a difficult time for you. yes its going to hurt very much. but you're going to be ok. youre going to learn and youre going to experience something that some people never get to, because they have never loved. you will heal. please have hope and keep your faith.
25thfret Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Dear pacificdove, I am going through the exact same thing. She left me when I found out she was seeing someone else. She even went as far as to have an attorney threaten any and all legal means if I contact her. So it's like she died. I can't curse her, I can't ask her what happened, I can't forgive her, nothing. No closure and that is killing me! This, after 12 years of close, intimate relationship! She is 43 (looks 30) and going through menopause, some say she's just lost it temporarily. I don't have a clue. But I know what you mean about thinking of them all the time. I hate waking up in the mornings, when my thoughts are unguarded. It's almost unbearable. I'm laying there (like you) alone and imagining her with her new lover in bed together. It's been 2 months now and I am beginning to accept what I cannot change. But man has it blown my mind!!! I am so sorry for you and truly know what you are going through. The only advice I can give is... time is the only cure. But "hope" can buy you time. So either devise a plan to win him back or look for someone else to occupy your time. Distraction is the key. Who knows, tomorrow YOU might meet someone that makes you forget HIM. But it won't happen with you looking depressed and sitting at home. Get out. Go for a walk in a park, take a dance class, volunteer at charities. You've got to get out there. I know it's hard. I haven't done it yet but I am WORKIING on it. First, I have to gain back the 30 lbs. I lost over this. Good luck and God Bless You!!! 25thfret
Author pacificdove Posted March 15, 2006 Author Posted March 15, 2006 Sunfisher, My story is posted as "engaged and walked away - how stupid". When you have had the chance to read that, can you tell me if I was truly stupid to do what I did? I know money isn't everything but, it was a reality to life. Ruined everything I hoped and dreamed of. Now, when he is close to finishing school and will make great second income, I am completely REPLACED...how about that!? That is what I got for a 'thank you'....
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Awww honey, I'm sorry you're hurting. ((((((((((((pacificdove))))))))))))
Author pacificdove Posted March 15, 2006 Author Posted March 15, 2006 UT, My hope.... that he will come back to me. Every time I dream of him, US, I wake up thinking about it all day. Trying to interpret the dreams, "are they breaking off...are they taking marriage".. it's killing me! ....and I CAN'T STOP !.... I am so afraid he will rush to the alter....that is what he's been wanting so much because he is getting that age where he wants a life time partner. I am so afraid I'll lose him forever.... 25thfret, Oh my....same here! But I can't go out to meet someone. I tried and when I was at a restaurant with this potential 'friend', I felt like crying. Missing him all the more!! We were great partners, and I don't want to let go. I'm still hanging on the last string of the rope at he edge of the mountain cliff . I'm helpless because I'm so many miles away from him and SHE is close to him. Before I knew that he 'replaced' me, I called long distance and told him I'll come back and be with him, quit my job and leave everything. He's only answer was "I'm not in love with you anymore, two people have to want the same thing and right now it's only ONE". But 3 mos prior, the wedding plan was still on... Why....do one 'replace' like an old shoe being thrown? I have feelings...and he feels no pain! So unfair and selfish. But why do I still WANT him? ......
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 UT, My hope.... that he will come back to me. Every time I dream of him, US, I wake up thinking about it all day. But I can't go out to meet someone. I tried and when I was at a restaurant with this potential 'friend', I felt like crying. Missing him all the more!! Why....do one 'replace' like an old shoe being thrown? I have feelings...and he feels no pain! So unfair and selfish. But do I still WANT him? I know exactly how you feel. I've been like this for nearly three months...can't look at ANYTHING without being reminded of him. I hope there's an end to the pain for the both of us....sooner than later. Keep your chin up sweetie, you're not alone!
25thfret Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 You really don't want HIM, sweety. You want the feeling you had. That's what you're missing. Miss the feeling and remember the hurt he has given you. There is someone out there for you. Someone that WILL make you forget him. Think back. Is this the first time you've felt like this? I'll bet it's happened before, maybe not on as grand a scale, but it's happened. You got over it then and you will again. He'll be replaced also. Life is teaching us something. Something, that when we realize it, we'll be much stronger and much happier.
Ariadne Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Here's a quote from Osho for you guys: You relate; as long as things are moving beautifully, you share. And if you see that the moment has come to depart because your paths separate at this crossroad, you say good-bye with great gratitude for all that the other has been to you, for all the joys and all the pleasures and all the beautiful moments that you have shared with the other. With no misery, with no pain, you simply separate. Ariadne
Raven1845 Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Hello pacificdove, I'm so sorry you're going through this pain. Yes, I know exactly how you feel. Why? and How can they feel nothing when I am in pieces? These are the two questions that haunt me day and night. The two questions that make my knees weak as I fall to the floor and sob uncontrollably. Hang in there. You are not alone. Not by far. Hugs, Raven
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