MadDog Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 It's been a little over 2 weeks now since my ex and I broke up. We still talk on the phone (although not nearly as much as we used to). Since last night, I've been feeling a lot of guilt--like it was my fault our relationship didn't work out. As background, we were long distance and I thought she was too insecure to be in that type of relationship (she was always worried which caused us to fight constantly). I know ending our relationship was the best thing for both of us from both a mental and career standpoint. Somehow though I can't seem to shake this feeling of guilt and loneliness. Anyone else ever feel something like this? MD
littlepiggy1 Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Yup, I know how you feel. My ex and I are now about 3 weeks into our break-up. I still have pangs of regret and guilt. I find myself thinking back and wishing I'd done this or hadn't done that, then maybe we'd be together. Then I feel guilty about it. But nothing I can do other than remind myself why we broke up and that in the long run it will be better for both of us.
riobikini Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 MadDog, where do you think the guilt is stemming from? -Rio
vertigo Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 This is my first post on LS, but I think I understand your feelings of guilt, because you stated you thought she was to insecure to be in a LDR, and you feel that ending the relationship was best for both of you from a mental and career standpoint.....and now your feelings of guilt arise because I think that was your perspective on the relationship and now you have second thoughts, thinking you may have made a mistake... obviously, if you are still communicating you still have feelings for her and you are questioning yourself that you made the correct decision.
riobikini Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 MD, was it apparent to you, nearly from the beginning, that she was too insecure to be in a long-distance relationship? -Rio
yawhatever Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Wow its been 5 weeks since I last remember being in a relationship w/ my gf. I dont know why you think of it that way, that you are guilty, maybe focus on something else? My break up wasn't mutual so when she calls me or wants to talk I say "hell no" or ignore her cuz I have feelings for her greater than hers for me. Its a messed up situation, i'm sure yours is complicated too. Good luck.
Author MadDog Posted March 15, 2006 Author Posted March 15, 2006 MD, was it apparent to you, nearly from the beginning, that she was too insecure to be in a long-distance relationship? -Rio I'm not sure why I'm feeling guilty. It probably has to do with what vertigo said. I'm normally a very decisive guy and once I've carefully considered something, I'm confident I've made the right choice. I guess with my ex it's much more of a gray area and it's not blatantly clear that I made the right decision sometimes. Well early on (the first month or so), things were cool. She wasn't all that insecure and everything was more or less working out (very few fights). Then something clicked and all of a sudden she was totally insecure about everything. This was about 1-2 months in and at that time I knew that if she kept on like this, she wouldn't survive a long distance relationship. The funny thing is that we did last more than a year of her being in that state. Eventually I realized that enough is enough and all we're doing is making each other miserable while making our already difficult schoolwork even harder. It really does take a confident, secure individual to make long distance realtionships work. I'm 100% sure of that. I'm a really confident person and I thought maybe that might be enough but it really wasn't--both sides have to have it. MD
the_alchemyst Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 It's hard to think about relationships as either black or white because they hardly ever are. In a relationship, even the most "clear" and evident solution has a shade of gray in it. When guilt is felt, the subcoscious is at play. It could be very well possible that while your conscious mind is telling you that what you chose was the right choice, your subconscious is thinking and believing otherwise. It is always wise to consider both and to figure out why there are disagreements amongst them. A lot of times you'll find that your emotions aren't in sync with your logic.
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