ridiculous Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I dont think things are ever really going to progress but I need advice from all of you out there.....And I am getting tired of everyone moving on and up while we watch from the sidelines.... How does a woman know when he isnt serious anymore?? I have been with him for 2 years, and he keeps future planning, but somehow lately I think that what he is really planning for is how to get rid of me in a polite way.....Is there a certain time limit that guys go by that if it goes past a certain point, its pretty much expired at that?? I think he uses buying a house because he knows that is what I really want to his advantage. Like if I really want to get my hair done or nails, he will say "dont you want to buy a house" and if we get into arguments he says he wont buy a house until I change and not be so jealous, or crazy. And supposedly, when i stop being that way, he will buy a house. I just get the feeling that he is using buying a house when he has no intention whatsoever of buying one or moving forward for that matter.... The future planning should make me feel good, right? Well, he keeps putting off what he could have right now, meanwhile everyone I know around me has already started. Some of these people havent been together as long as we have. Practically everyone has brought a house and has a baby on the way, while we still live in the same TINY apartment. I mean TINY....He does have assets he could sell, which would put him a step above the other people in our life, but he just wont do it. He talks often about furthering his life, buying a house, etc...talks to everyone about their houses, seems really jazzed about buying one of his own, but then....someone will mention the mortgage and he is back to the same thing, not taking the steps towards this future....or claiming I am too jealous. Dont get me wrong, he works really really hard, is a very responsible person. I am just really confused as to why he is all talk but no action with me.....Is it possible that he future plans with me to get me to do certain things, or stop behaving a certain way with no intention ever of moving forward??
JadeStar Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Just out of curiosty, do you think the other post you made about the note in the trash asking about having a condom at someones house, has anything to do with him not moving forward in buying a house with you? Meaning do you think he is up to something else, and has no intention of moving forward with you? What does your gut tell you? Jade
Author ridiculous Posted March 14, 2006 Author Posted March 14, 2006 Jadestar: I dont know!! Thats what I mean about being confused....doing one thing, saying another!! He swears up and down that he still has *no idea* about the note, who it was for, what it was for, has forgotten.....what can I do? There is no way to prove either way, unless I get an acid test done on the paper which is not going to happen....swears that he loves me so much, wants a life, just dont know what to do about this......am I wasting my time???
JadeStar Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Gosh, I'm not sure what to tell you. So money is not the issue as far as buying a house? Buying a house is a big step though. We actaully lucked up on the one we have, but we searched for awhile too. Maybe someone esle will have a suggestion for you. Jade
Walk Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Are you assuming that he will purchase the house with no, or limited, financial contribution from you? Or are the two of you going into it 50/50? Couple other thoughts... you may be pressuring him to do something that he isn't comfortable with. He may be happy with your TINY apartment and feel no need to purchase a house. If that's the case, then he see's your desire as a control issue and will probably attempt to regain control by using it against you. His coments about you forgoing having your hair and nails done might be his way of saying he feels you spend too much money. If he spent all his money at the bar while the two of you were planning on buying a house, I'm sure it would cause resentment in you too. And if he's commenting on the fact that you are too jealous or spend to much money, these may be legitimate concerns for him about your future. I would have a hard time tying myself to someone with a mortgage if I felt they had a spending problem, or there was a serious jealousy problem that hadn't been resolved yet. It's hard to say what he is thinking in your situation. If you feel he is sneaking around on you, then you can't have the trust necessary for a relationship. And any future together is moot. You may do better to end this relationship and find someone who is more in-line with your beliefs and goals in life. And unless he is willing to re-build the trust that is neccessary in a relationship, then any amount of effort you put forth will be wasted.
Author ridiculous Posted March 14, 2006 Author Posted March 14, 2006 Sure, money is always an issue, but it is just a tiny tiny bit easier for him because at least he has something to start with. Most people buy their first house straight out cold, from a bank loan and such. With him, there is at least an asset he could sell that would set nicely for down payments and such.......here we are going on 2 years and it is pretty much the same crap it has been since we first started talking about it.....I am just feeling like he is telling me this to put things at bay until he figures out how to back out gracefully......god, i wish everyone was alotted answers to their 3 burning questions in life......
Author ridiculous Posted March 14, 2006 Author Posted March 14, 2006 I dont spend money. Period. If I need 10 cents, I have to ask him for it. Then I have to explain what I need it for. I have never expected him to buy me pretty baubles or take me shopping and he knows that, so he has got it quite easy as I am not a female that requests jewelry, gifts or money to be spent. Im pretty practical and feel my best in jeans and a t shirt. I never get my hair done, but lately I wanted to do something with it....so i could feel a little better i guess.. I work full time, long hours, and yes I would be putting in 50/50 no questions asked. He knows this. I cant see why anyone would be happy in that tiny apartment. It is better than nothing, but there is no room for anything. It is about to literally explode it is crammed down with so much stuff. No matter how many hours I spend cleaning it, it still looks shabby and unkempt. The jealousy issues......for reasons founded and unfounded. Sort of like you have reason in the beginning but because of those reasons you become hypervigilant and thus you think you have reasons later on but find out it is not the case, but is it? type thing. shady. Hrrrmmm.....maybe he is reluctant to buy house with me because of my so called jealousy issues...because maybe he was the cause of them to begin with, with he himself even admitting that I was never jealous to begin with...which was true, i just wasnt the type. But with these things going on in our life and the secret girl friends that he calls 20 times a day and then says its about work, one kind of wonders if maybe he doesnt want to buy a house with me because he knows that I would NEVER ALLOW some of these women inside of our home........women that he tries to incorporate into our lives by saying that they have husbands and children and then later you find out that they dont have either, or supposedly they are cousins but then again they are not, or some other shadiness... so yeah, I am treading water, not sure what to do....
justagirliegirl Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I read your other posts about the condom too. I would make arrangements to move out or him move out. Take the relationship down a notch. He seems to like dangling that house over your head and frankly I would tell him even talking about a house is silly unless there is a ring and a wedding date. Why are you asking him for money? Do you have access to your own paychecks?
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