jonnie5 Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I am 27 and my girlfriend is 23. We have been dating for about 4.5 months and in the beginning she had to have sex all the time. We would see each other like 4 time per week and would have sex twice each time. Now we see each other about twice a week and have sex like once a week. She would always call me saying she needed it and now she is usually tired or not in a good mood. She just started back to school in January and has been pretty stressed out and she is also a lot busier now. Could her interest in sex dropped because of stress or could it be something more? I am not sure I should be concerned or I am over reacting. Thanks for your advise.
electric_sheep Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I'm in the same boat. However, I at least know why. Zoloft has killed my gf's libido ... and I mean killed it dead. It's a real bummer. So I know just how frustrating this can be. Aside from just not getting sex, the sex simply isn't as good. I'm not convinced she has her heart in it. I sometimes think she is just going through the motions just to indulge me and make me happy. Whether this is true or not is sort of irrelevant, because it's what I believe in my head. Not to mention, if you don't feel like your partner is "hot" for you, it sort of kills your own libido. Mine has plummeted (it is normally pretty damn healthy, despite me being 35). I've actually considered suggesting a period of temporary abstinence. She made this suggestion about a week ago, because she is switching to that new ring birth control method, and she had a yeast infection. Maybe a month without will stimulate her libido a little bit. I think this would honestly be better than half assed sex. I just keep having to remind myself it's the Zoloft. I hope. p.s. I think it's entirely possible it's just stress. My gf used to stress out a lot and it would make her loose interest in sex. The sex drive is tightly coupled to emotions and the environment for some people. Others, like me, would want to have it in a sinking ship. Now my gf doesn't stress as much, but the meds she is using to control that have killed her libido. I guess I just can't win.
Author jonnie5 Posted March 14, 2006 Author Posted March 14, 2006 i know what u mean black sheep. It is not as good. I just wonder if she is bored or is getting it from someone else, but I don't think that is the case.
MadDog Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 It seems like most girls are more interested in sex in the beginning of the relationship when things are new and exciting. When the novelty wears off, they go back to their baseline needs which is normally less than an average guy's. What you can only hope for is to meet a girl that actually has a naturally high sex drive. They're not all that common but they're out there. MD
electric_sheep Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Honestly, I doubt she is getting it anywhere else ... but of course, you know her better than me. Chances are she is just really distracted and stressed and everything between you guys is fine. You may want to try abstaining for a bit, till her desire swells up again. Perhaps take her out for a romantic evening ? Maybe spice things up a bit too, with new techniques/positions or what not. Do you know how to give her a clitoral orgasm via cunnilingus ? How about the "CAT sexual position" (google on it). Sensual massage to relax her before hand ? I'd just talk to her too. Have fun. Be silly. Unfortunately, almost nothing works with my girl now that she is on Zoloft. She could literally just quit right in the middle of sex probably ... that is about where her interest level is right now.
Author jonnie5 Posted March 14, 2006 Author Posted March 14, 2006 The only reason that brought up the thought of getting it from someone else was she received a phone call at 4 am on saturday. i asked her who it was and she said it was her friend from home. She lives about 8 hours away and she has a lot of guy friends where she is from. She told me it was one of her guy friends and I suspect it was from her ex-boyfriend she is friends with. I asked why a guy friend would call that late and she said he calls sometimes when he is drunk. It didn't bother me at first since the guy lives so far away, but she is going home this weekend for spring break and she said she is going to see a lot of her friends. Would you be concerned or am i being paranoid.
flavius Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Concerned? Paranoid? No, YOU'RE SCREWED! Oh, well, when you live by the sword you die by it. Best sharpen yours up, J5
Author jonnie5 Posted March 14, 2006 Author Posted March 14, 2006 what is that supposed to mean flavius
flavius Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 You have a legitimate concern. Probably no more so than any other guy whose 23 year-old girlfriend gets a call from a drunken ex at 4am and who is going home to see him on spring break next week. But legitimate. Go ahead and worry. I hope she's worth worrying about! Good luck, Dude. (what, do they have spring break for grown-ups now?)
Author jonnie5 Posted March 14, 2006 Author Posted March 14, 2006 She is still in college and she is going home to see her family. She isn't going home to see him, she said she was going to hang out with her friends which a few are probably be guy friends.
flavius Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 So I'm poking at you a little. Hey, I'm not saying she's leaving you, just that I don't blame you for worrying a little. It's justified.
Author jonnie5 Posted March 14, 2006 Author Posted March 14, 2006 thanks for your advice. Do you think I should confront her? I told her the only reason I would call a girl at 4 am is for a booty call and she said not every guy thinks like that. She said they are just friends. If I ask her again, I don't want to sound insecure.
electric_sheep Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I'm a big fan of being more or less transparent with my feelings. I usually tell my gf exactly how I feel, and I also admit that I might not be justified. The thing about feelings though is that they are not "right" or "wrong", they are something you simply experience. It's not like you can really help it. I'd tell her how you feel, and pay special attention to her reaction. If she is a nice and sweet gf she will call you up plenty while she is away so you won't worry so much.
flavius Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Wrong. It's at 4am, it's a Booty Call. No, don't confront her -- if she's drifting off there's nothing to gain from it. How bad do you want to keep her, and are either of you into permanence? Something about her sounds kind of cool
justpeachy Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I think ur overreacting. It's obvious that she must be stressed. I wouldnt read too much into it.
Guest Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 when we first got together we used to do it all the time. we have been together for a year now and it seems we do it less often. it went from 4 or more times a week and now its at a point to where its like once a week or twice if im lucky. im not sure what to think about it. alot of stuff has happened since we got together and i know hes stressed out right now, not to mention the fact i am 8 months pregnant. but me being pregnant never stopped him before. he works till about midnight and goes to school in the mornings and he says when he gets home he is tired, i can understand that cuz when we first got together he didnt have a job and things are just wayy different between us now, we are closer emotionally than we have ever been before but i have to admit, us not doing it as often as we used to is kind of making me think that he is messing with someone else. the thing that is weird is that in most cases, hell act like he wants to but doesnt. its driving me crazy!!! he has cheated on me before so i dont knwo what could be going on now. maybe he is still cheating on me i dont know..... any advice????
flavius Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Peachy is right about the sex-frequency issue: Down to just once a week, from 4+? Stress or no stress, once a week sex when you only see each other twice a week...that's a pretty fine equilibrium. I could live with that (I just don't know if i could live with a fresh-faced 23 year-old...describe her to me reeeal slooowwwwww...................................
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