banister61 Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 it just came to my attention the may BF of 7 months sits at home and masturbates when I'm not around every night in his room --2 -3 times in a row. I don't care about his masterbating. I do it. But he feels shame over it and that he wastes his time--that it gets in the way of his productivity. In discussing this, i found out that he sometimes will be sitting at work and be over come with a need to have sex. and that his sex drive is so high that he feels obsessed. i know in my heart that he is oggling lots of girls. and its hurts. he mentioned that it occurred to him that he should be oggling his own girlfriend. duh! what am i ? chopped liver? i thought i was his fantasy. he is mine! i do so much for our sex like. i by cute outfits and am always "in the mood." but i feel like subconsciously i've been comepeting for his fantasy life--with girls in porn. i shave "it" off almost completely to be titalating and i wear little school girl out fits and pigtails. but its not enough. he says he feel bad about all this--that he wants to change and that he hasn't done a good job about not wandering. he said he was cutting back on the porn--but actually showed me an image of a girl having sex with someone b/c he was freakedout that he thought it was me. i thought --what a hypocrit...you're freaked out over thinking it could be me and i'm feeling sad that you are looking so much. especially since he seems to be so puritanical about us. he said last night that i am in the picture of his fantasy and that he looks at videos and pictures we have taken in the bedroom. he said i'm in the picture about 50% of the time. i'm confused. i really am. b/c my past boyfriends were devoted to me--the porn factor dropped and we were such an important part of each others lives--spiritually, emotionally and sexually--it felt good. but i don't feel so good right now. i feel devalued. and there's a part of me that wants to but myself up on a site--like suicide girls--one he frequents b/c if i can't be a part of his in the way that makes me feel honored--why can't i be a part of someone's? he would freak out. i don't think i'd do it. but it feels vastly unfair that he gets to oggle girls and that i can't be oggled myself. i just don't know ---i'm sad and i thought that he wouldn't hurt me.
whats wrong with me Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I dont have any good advice maybe someone else does...bump
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