pacificdove Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I am trying to cope with myself. I feel I made some lousy choices over my fiance of 4 years. We were engaged for 2 years but also apart for 2 years after living with him all of 2003. 2005 July when I moved back to East Coast (I was in West coast on a career move), he asked me to stay so we can finally be married in July 2006. It's his first marriage and my 2nd. I am in my late 40's and he - early 50's. We had a wonderful year of living with each other and cared so much but once we were apart, I drifted from him. Too caught up in my career, traveling but hardly ever had time for him. He made attempts but later in our sepeartion, we would constantly fight over the phone because he was always so angry over every little thing. "Two people who love each other should be together..." He would say. Telling me how empty he felt. He haven't lived with anyone else for the past 25 years and then when he did with me, he said all his dreams came true. I took advantage of him. Neglected the fact that he was secluded in his work (worked in prison system) that he would 'never' find another woman. He is also very trustful type, One woman-man! I trusted him totally . So, therefore, I was too busy trying to make money hoping we will get back together soon. IN the interim of our seperation, he decided to go back to school to take up another degree, in Nursing- to make better money, for our future he said. We both shared a dream of traveling after he retires from the State in 5 years. Working at hospitals, we both talked of travel and living in different states at years at a time. I was making wrong choices based on the idea that since he's back in school and working, he never really had any time to be home. I was always home alone, doing house work and just waiting for him. I couldn't find a decent job that paid as well as I get now so I took advantage of this time period . I thought I was doing the right thing - temporarily. My faults were, I went to be with him, but when I arrived, I found out that he was still in hard financial mess. This is nothing new. That was the main reason why I left the 1st. time. I didn't want to constantly draw from my bank to help mend our bills. I was afraid because he had almost another year to go and with fall approaching, I might not find a job till spring the following year - that long a period to survive on my own savings was too scary. So, I left again in mid Aug. AFter being there for 2x We didn't communicate so well since I left the 2nd time, he was very distant from me . I know he was angry and disappointed. At the End of Dec. he writes me this 'dear Jane' letter. I tried to reconcile but he said he's heart has changed. Then, after much pressing, he admitted he found someone else since NOV ! She is another Nursing student. He is attracted with the idea they will BOTH make good ! Is this possible after 4 mos of leaving? I mean, in Aug he still wanted the wedding and in Dec. he says he changed his heart? That it's been too long of a sepeartion and he is NO LONGER IN LOVE ...? We haven't spoken since then and I'm so heart broken. I feel so used of all the financial help . He just kept telling me 'It was your choice, you LEFT...!" I promised we'd get back together once he was finished with school. What do you think of this? Was I really wrong in what I did ? I'm so hurting... I worked to fix up the house, new furniture etc.. because I thought it was supposed to be 'our' house, is now benefiting someone else.... I'm so hurt! He said some real cruel things to me... but, I still miss him so much just wishing maybe he might come back... (really in my heart I doubt that). I'm sooooo depressed... still ....
whats wrong with me Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I'm so hurting... I worked to fix up the house, new furniture etc.. because I thought it was supposed to be 'our' house, is now benefiting someone else.... I'm so hurt! I know how you feel...Its been a few years and I still get depressed about it (we are back together) I cant give you any good suggestions but maybe someone else can
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