Citizen Erased Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 My mother cheated on my dad for the last year of their 16 year long marriage, and then left him suddenly for this guy (they worked together). My sister, brother and I stayed with Dad until I left to live with my mother (she was living with the guy she left my dad with who actually seemed pretty nice and I got along with him okay when I wasn't living with him). For 2 years I lived through hell. I am not kidding. The whole time, he was a complete jealous a$$ towards me (wouldn't want to take my mothers attention away from him or anything ) and used to scream abuse at me and my mother. Turns out hes a violent alcoholic. He never touched me as my Dad would have killed him, but I suspected he hit my mother. I finally left to live with my grandmother and then overseas. I was only there to prevent him from doing something to my mother, but I got jack of it and left. It made matters even worse though because my mother has the absolute worse attitude towards my father. He worked all day and night, was completely stressed out, just to keep her in the life which she assumed she deserved (she doesn’t) because she got pregnant at an early age so that means she was ever so hard done by (even though my sister is the favorite and can do nothing wrong). She obviously feels guilty for cheating and leaving him for a no good alcoholic, so she uses anger (always in front of me of course) to make her feel better. I despise her so much which is why I decided I no longer should have to baby-sit her at the grand old age of 15. I barely even speak to her (nor my father who doesn’t think I should be living with my boyfriend because he hates the thought of me growing up) and would prefer to keep it that way because although her boyfriend mainly made my life hell, she didn’t do anything to prevent it, just made it worse by making fun of me because I couldn’t take it like she did, and pretty much not showing any sort of affection towards me, not even when I was a child. Sorry, just needed to vent. Anyone else have horrible stories of their parents? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 oh darlin coco....i cannot relate to the hell you have endured....but it doesn't mean i don't care. some people never get out of their selfish mode, unfortunately, and just because they have children doesn't mean that they're mature. i disagree with your father on one thing...i think you should be with your BF because if you were denied a childhood, you are probably more grown up than your mother! she took the role of the child instead of letting you "just be a kid". she's made some very bad choices, IMO. i wish i had something good to say that would make you feel better but i don't. i guess all i can say is i'll be on for a while so vent away!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Citizen Erased Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 Thanks amaysngrace. I have never really told anyone about what I have gone through because I never seem to be able to get the words out except for when I write. My family treats me like I am an airhead because I always had my 'head in a book not in reality' blah blah. Yes, I was weird because I read! It was my form of excapism I guess. The worse thing was when I left my mothers house finally because I was sick of the sarcasm and bitchy things said behind my back but just loud enough so I could hear. It was so pathetic and childish and right now I am so angry that I was subjected to it. My mother knew I was staying because of her, she pretty much begged me to, but when I left that night, she said to her boyfriend something along the lines of 'well there goes all that child support'. (my dad was paying it) I wasn't there for her because she needed me or she loved me, I was basically a meal ticket and it makes me sick to know that I was used by her. She never once in my life showed the slightest show of affection towards me and then gets pissed cos I leave! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 you were within your rights to leave. and of course you would escape reality...who wouldn't if reality sucked?? i have read other posts by you and you really seem to have a good head on your shoulders. you should be very proud of yourself! did you say you're only 15?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Citizen Erased Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 Lol. No I left home when I was 15. I am now 19. Thanks for the compliments BTW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 well you're still very mature and have a lot going on upstairs. you are probably one of the best things your mom ever did in her life!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Citizen Erased Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 well you're still very mature and have a lot going on upstairs. you are probably one of the best things your mom ever did in her life!! Can I quote you on that? Thanks, youre making me feel better. I guess I am just a bit down today so I needed to vent. At least I have my great boyfriend who supports me (he told me to write that...) hehe. I can understand why my dad doesn't want me to live with my boyfriend though, I guess he doesn't like the fact that his daughter is having sex, but I guess I just needed a little more of his support in the past couple of years then I have received (he knew vaugley what I had been through with my mum but yet he still thought I should have stayed there, which really hurt me!) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted March 14, 2006 Share Posted March 14, 2006 it's good that your dad does care, although i can't understand him wanting you to be at your mom's...maybe to give her stability if he still cares for her...who knows?? well darlin coco...i am going to be calling it a night shortly...i'm tired!! it was nice chatting with you....have a great night (and to BF too!) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Citizen Erased Posted March 14, 2006 Author Share Posted March 14, 2006 Lol thanks for chatting, you have made me feel better. BF says hi! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
redheadedstepchild Posted April 6, 2006 Share Posted April 6, 2006 Coco I can sooo relate. My parents were married for 21 yrs, when I was 13 yrs old. My father was an alcoholic, and played around on my Mom but I was always Daddy's girl. My Mom was no angel, she had an affair with the man she ended up marrying for 7 yrs. Together they plotted to get as much from my Dad as they could. This man was married at the time to his 2nd wife and he had this wife were "friends" to both of my parents. I was 10 yrs old when I found out about my Mom and his affair when a bully at school anounced it out loud in front of a student teacher in my 5th grade classroom. I bolted from the room and ran, not stopping until I got to my bedroom at home. My dad was home asleep because he worked the graveyard shift but I never told him a thing. I just shut my door and cried until I fell asleep. Telling would have made it real. Several times over the next three years I quizzed my Mom about things I noticed. IE: This man would call on Saturdays when my dad was at work, or I would spot their cars on a deserted road on the outskirts of our small town. She would always say I must have dreamed it or didn't know what I was talking about. It hung between us for 3 yrs. I lived in fear that one day it would all come out and my Dad move out and leave me. It made for a horrible childhood. Always an A student, I failed 6th grade. The same bully who informed me taunted me relentlesslly for the next three yrs until the day my worst fears came true. This man's wife came to our house and asked to speak to my Mom alone. I knew something was up because my Mom told me to stay. She assumed this woman wouldn't say anything in front of my, she was wrong. She told Mom to leave her husband alone, she knew about the affair and she wanted it to stop. Afterwards, I was devestated. I ran to my room and slammed and locked my door. My mother offered me no comfort, no explanations, no denials. My childhood was over. A few weeks before Christmas that yr I learned my father was moving out right afterwards and they were getting a divorce. I was expected to stay with my Mom. She got the house, most of the furnishings...she got almost everything. Broken, My Dad, knowing his alcoholism played a big part in the break up gave up without a fight. This man and my Mom were married by June of that yr. He moved in and his emotional abuse started that day. He used every method possible to limit my access to my Mom. If I needed to talk to her, he had to be there. If I needed new clothes, he went with us. Since he was an executive at the office where she worked, they went to work together and came home every day together. He made crude remarks to me about my Dad every chance he got, and belittled him to his face in front of me and my Mom. Dad never faught back. I cried a thousand tears for Dad that summer. Life for us both became torture. As soon as I turned 14 I moved in with my dad. His alcoholism had gotten worse. He became rude and cruel when he was drunk, complacent and over generous when he was sober. I wanted for nothing in the material since, as he felt guilty and he used that to try and fill the void in my life (No Mother). I saw little of my Mom from then on. This man regemented all of her time. I hated her back then, but now, 30 plus yrs later I see how he took control of her whole life. For whatever reason she never faught him, as far as I was aware. His emotional abuse had damanged her as much if no more then I. She is in an Alzhiemers unit now, and he is still putting limits on our contact. My children where never allowed contact with her so they paid too. I can only hope he dies soon so maybe then I can be her daughter again, even if she doesn't know who I am anymore. He won't be there to stop me from seeing her. Link to post Share on other sites
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