Ranyamellon Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Hi. I've been dating my boyfriend for 2.5 years now and I love him a lot but I've been having some doubts about our relationship lately. He turned 21 in October and since then has began drinking a lot with his friends. I do not mind except that when he is drunk he says and does things which make me feel uncomfortable. I have talked to him about this and he says he'll try to control himself but everytime he drinks it is the same. In addition, I recently went to my great-grandmother's funeral and realized that religion is still an important part of my life. I've had some issues with religion and haven't been to church in years. But visiting my family made me realize that God is still important to me. My boyfriend meanwhile is an aethist. This hasn't been a problem for us before because I've stayed away from the church but now I want to go back and I'm not sure if our relationship can work through such a big difference in thinking about life. And finally, I've found myself becoming interested in a mutual friend of ours. We started flirting as an inside joke among my friends but I find that I am really attracted to him. I realize that perhaps it could be because I'm having doubts about my boyfriend and this guy is both religious and can control himself while drinking but it is still confusing me. What should I do?
Walk Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Relationships are not meant to stifle a person. If you have something you believe strongly in, and you forgo it in order to keep a person in your life, then you are cheating yourself out of your own dreams and values. Choose the path that will take you in the direction of where you wish to be. Relationships are about strength and building, not holding someone back. If you choose not to attend church because of your bf, its going to create resentment. If he loves you and truly wants whats best for you, he'll want to encourage you to find your path. Even if it may cause the two of you to diverage. As far as the other guy. If you feel the inclination to take it any further then you already have... break it off with your current bf before that happens. I think the two of you are finding that your not the same people you were when you first started dating. THere's a lot of change that occurs up until about 25 in a person. Our values change, our way of looking at the world, who we are and what we want to be. Don't hold your bf back, and don't allow him to hold you back. If you can't grow together, then part on good terms and wish him the best in his life.
justagirliegirl Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I agree with what Walk said. You are both very very young and he is changing and you are changing. He may be feeling the same as you and wants to try different things.
Walk Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 What is he saying or doing that makes you uncomfortable when he drinks? An ex of mine drank heavily toward the end of our relationship. It was his way of escaping from confronting his problems. You said you've already talked to him about it, and so far he hasn't changed. His drinking may be the symptom of the problem. If it's possibly to find the underlying problem, it would be more beneficial to discuss that then the problem of his drinking. It would depend on what is causing you the discomfort when he drinks.
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