whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2006 Posted April 1, 2006 Are you strong enough to block her emails? Her emailing you several times isn't backing off. She just didn't call and that doesn't mean much to be honest. You're doing the right thing by not answering. Now, bit by bit, it's time for you to put some focus back on your wife. I hope you agree with me on that one...Sooner or later AL you have to figure that part of your life out, hopefully sooner because it's not fair to keep your wife so distant and hanging...Even though she is not fully aware of what's going on, she knows something isn't right...Maybe it's time to come clean and tell her what has been going on. Give that some thought too.
catgirl1927 Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 He does love her, he just is very messed up in the head. His priorities are wrong...This is a classic symptom of the 'affair' that shines out ALL throughout the OW/OM forum. It's no different than any other situation where two people are involved that are married to other people. I completely agree, it's no different than any other situation where two people are cheating on their spouses. I completely disagree that he loves her, though. He may find her convenient, but he does not love or respect her. If he did, he would have left before he started this, or he would leave her now. Even if things don't work out with the one he loves, he knows he doesn't love her. She's his backup plan, his booby prize. It's horrible.
Author alwayslate Posted April 3, 2006 Author Posted April 3, 2006 Catgirl is right. I dont think I really love my wife anymore. Its just that we have been together so long and we have the kids and everything. I really believe I do love the OW although she doesnt love me. Its so sad but I realize its true. I think she just hangs on because she likes me as a friend and thinks that if she calls me and emails me and even kisses me now and then that will keep me in the friendship. She tells me nothing about her life and shares none of her thoughts and feelings with me anymore. I am truly heartbroken and Catgirl is right its horrible. AL
catgirl1927 Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 Catgirl is right. I dont think I really love my wife anymore. Its just that we have been together so long and we have the kids and everything. I really believe I do love the OW although she doesnt love me. Its so sad but I realize its true. I think she just hangs on because she likes me as a friend and thinks that if she calls me and emails me and even kisses me now and then that will keep me in the friendship. She tells me nothing about her life and shares none of her thoughts and feelings with me anymore. I am truly heartbroken and Catgirl is right its horrible. AL This is the first step!!! I know it has to be tough to make a big change, especially after you got your heart broken my Miss Evilpants. But you can start today with a new life. It's not going to be easy, but you'll both be happier in the long run. Both of you deserve to be with people who really love you.
jmargel Posted April 3, 2006 Posted April 3, 2006 Well, what I am saying is that AL is not displaying any "love" toward his wife... yet he claims to love her. I wanted to point out this discrepancy. He really needs to clear his head. Sorry but haven't you made a thread on here about how you are cheating on your husband? *sigh*
Author alwayslate Posted April 4, 2006 Author Posted April 4, 2006 And now for an update.... I have had very limited contact with the OW over the last few days. She called me on Sunday afternoon and again last night. I cant really tell but I think things are not going well at home for her. I have made a point not to ask her whats going on or to act like I'm interested in whats going on there. She appears to be trying to suck me back in because in her voice mails she tells me she misses me, shes thinking of me etc. She also mentions the fact that she doesnt want to be in her house at the same time her H is, how she wants to have time to herself etc I am thinking that things are going south at home and she is trying to lay the groundwork for her backup plan. Sound familiar??? Anyway, I am trying my best to ignore all of this and just move forward. What do you all think about this???? AL
MsColorado Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I think you should grow up a little and tell your wife everything you've told this board so she can move forward in life with someone that truly deserves her. Your postings make it clear that you don't even really think about her at all - you are consumed in a junior high romance. Set the poor wife free. Gawd, if I knew her myself I'd tell her.
No Stress Lady Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 And now for an update.... I have had very limited contact with the OW over the last few days. She called me on Sunday afternoon and again last night. I cant really tell but I think things are not going well at home for her. I have made a point not to ask her whats going on or to act like I'm interested in whats going on there. She appears to be trying to suck me back in because in her voice mails she tells me she misses me, shes thinking of me etc. She also mentions the fact that she doesnt want to be in her house at the same time her H is, how she wants to have time to herself etc I am thinking that things are going south at home and she is trying to lay the groundwork for her backup plan. Sound familiar??? Anyway, I am trying my best to ignore all of this and just move forward. What do you all think about this???? AL Are you prepared to leave your wife? Is she prepared to divorce her husband? If either of you were going to leave your spouses you would have to be doing it FOR YOURSELF and for yourself only. Are you prepared to leave your wife with no-one else waiting in the wings? If not then you need to just knock this relationship with the OW stone dead. Sounds like you're both playing some stupid waiting/control game with each other - your wife deserves better than this - if you're really so unhappy then get divorced, give your wife the opportunity to find someone who really loves her and get dating - chances are you'll end up with someone who you like much better than your OW anyway. You'll soon find out if she really wants you or just wants to play you once you're a free agent.
catgirl1927 Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 I think you should grow up a little and tell your wife everything you've told this board so she can move forward in life with someone that truly deserves her. Your postings make it clear that you don't even really think about her at all - you are consumed in a junior high romance. Set the poor wife free. Gawd, if I knew her myself I'd tell her. Oh me too. In a heartbeat.
blind_otter Posted April 4, 2006 Posted April 4, 2006 man. that sucks. it's weird how much energy people spend trying to ignore their own problems, and what random situations they will create.
typical Posted April 5, 2006 Posted April 5, 2006 I never took the time to respond to this particular poster though I have read about his dilemma.....is it just me or does it seem that every post starts with how much he is in love with MW, how much he wants to be with her, how he wishes she would choose him, etc and almost every post ends with how tired he is of this, how he is going to do NC, how he needs to stop, etc...of course only after someone tells him he needs to stop does he take this attitude.... sounds to me like he is just fishing for short term solutions to the long term problem....the fact is, he is NEVER going to stop with this other woman. NEVER. I have heard minimal about his poor suffering wife in all of this....she barely even registers in his mind,save for a few obligatory and random remarks about how he really needs to work on making things right with her, because he is so consummed with MW he cant even think straight. Someone will ask him a question about the wife and he skips right over it into his obsessive love affair with the MW....You ask the guy a question about his wife, and he comes back with this update about how MW just emailed him. You ask another question about the wife and he comes back with how MW is doing with her husband...He has given us more information about their married life than his....completely and UTTERLY CONSUMMED... I believe that we are just giving him ideas, fueling the fire...what he really wants is for the MW to come running back to him...we suggested NC, MW came running back, he has her back in his clutches again..... HE IS NOT GOING TO EVER GIVE HER UP.....I think it is niave to think otherwise... I ask you now, alwayslate, STOP for one tiny moment and tell us about your wife. Tell us what she is like, were you EVER in love with her? What went wrong to make you focus and obssess about someone else instead of fixing the problem at its source?? Most importantly, does she have any clue what is going on? How does she respond to you? How do you feel about her role in all this? I dont mean to sound rude, but if you think the MW doesnt think you are weak, think again...You have been at this push and pull game with her for awhile and you keep getting sucked back in...she knows she has all the power and control....she is like a big black abyss that you keep getting sucked into and lost....
Recommended Posts