Making myself sick over who I should be with

[confused&miserable]

Hi, I am twenty-five years old. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years, but only been a couple for eight months. My boyfriend has been divorced for three years but he can not get over the fact that his ex-wife cheated on him. For eight months straight he accused me of cheating. I stuck by his side, because of the love I have for him. When we would drink his jealousy would be ten times worse, saying mean things to me. One instance throwing my stuff in the front yard. I finally moved out and stated moving on with my life. I started meeting and dating new men.

I met a guy and we really hit it off the first date. When my (now) ex-boyfriend found out about my new date, he decided he didnt want to loose me and that he would go to councelling for his insecurities. I love my ex boyfriend and all I wanted was to spend my life with him. I am now stuck between my new date and my old boyfriend. Will my boyfriend change his old ways and get help like he says he will? or am I sitting myself up for another fall? Should I give this new guy a chance and risk loosing my ex boyfriend? Im so lost, I dont know what to tell either one, I see myself with my new date, but I also see myself with my ex-boyfriend. Please Help!!!!!!!

 

 

Thanks, confused&miserable

[magda]

Should I give this new guy a chance and risk loosing my ex boyfriend?

Yes.

 

If you stop dating because your ex boyfriend is going to work on changing, you will send the message that he doesn't really have to change. You will basically be accepting him as-is but with only a promise to change.

[whichwayisup]

Let him actually GO to therapy and see some changes in him before you take him back...If that is what you want.

 

Another thing I have to say is, he changes when he drinks, so he has to think about NOT drinking. He seems to have an anger problem and gets jealous! SO, until he is able to get over his past hurts, jealously and his ex wife cheating on him - You should get on with your life. He hasn't respected you or even trusted you enough to build a great relationship. If he had, he wouldn't be your ex now, would he?

[JayKay]

THe drinking and irrational outbursts are very disturbing

 

I honestly wouldn't go back to him unless he's been sober for quite a long time.....AND has also been in therapy for anger management for at least 6 months.

 

I dated an alcoholic (actually lived with him for ~2 years) and experienced much of the same stuff. I was wrongly accused of cheating and had my stuff thrown out into the apartment hallway!!!!

 

Sounds so familiar..

 

we'd break up from time to time and he'd come crawling back, crying about how he'd 'change' and 'get to counseling' and 're-focus on the relationship'

 

Well, alcoholics don't generally change until they've lost something very dear to them.

 

I had to learn that the hard way