KittenMoon Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 I recently broke up with my bf of over six years. I suppose it was as amiable as it could have been and very emotional on both sides. It was just one of those things that wasn't working right now, mostly because of his very stunted emotional maturity level. (He's 2 years older than me but emotionally acts much younger- men!) Anyways- I have been in severe emotional and physical trauma since. It's been about a month since this started. I'm at the edge of tears ALL the time, and I've had several severe snaps, including one this past weekend. I feel anxious and tense all the time. I can barely eat and have lost about 8lbs in the past month. When I eat I often gag or retch. I've even been so tense that the act of brushing my teeth can cause me to start throwing up if I've eaten anything in the previous few hours. My muscles ache a lot. Emotionally, I know sooner or later I will get past this. But how does one deal with the physical illness in the meantime? I've been hanging with friends, started a writing class, I shop, I exercise, I drink lots of green tea and healthy juices, I sleep. I don't smoke or do drugs or any of that. Does anyone have any suggestions or experiences to help relax this severe tension?
qnmc Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 A lot of what you talk about sounds like a normal (well, as "normal" as you can be) break up. But the throwing up and severe muscle aches are a bit on the extreme side. Have you thought about making an appointment with a therapist or a counselor? And please don't think there's anything wrong with going to talk to someone - I have and I'm so glad I did.
UT_longhorn Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 kittenmoon... sorry to hear about the pain youre in. its so odd what a hard breakup will do to you physically. i lost weight like a snowman in summer. couldn't sleep without sleeping pills. i also agree that muscle aches and throwing up is a little much. you might want to talk to your doctor. you had a 6 year relationship and its bound to affect you that much more. just know that you will get better. every minute you pass, a miniscule part of you is healing.
Citizen Erased Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Most poeple think they are over-reacting if they consider counselling because of a break up, but it truly helps. To have someone there who is objective and who you can vent to will help. But I agree that your aches and pains are a bit too severe, so I would suggest consulting your GP. Some people react in different ways to trauma and this may be your bodies way of telling you that you need to break away from the stress and anxiety you are feeling.
Author KittenMoon Posted March 14, 2006 Author Posted March 14, 2006 I don't think I'm ready for therapy quite yet. It's only been a month since this all began. I've vented a lot to family an friends and they have been very supportive. I'm chronically miserable, but what can a therapist tell me about myself that I cannot tell myself. In the end, it's only me that can make any changes. Plus, I am scared of getting into a session, trying describe what happened and skewing it. This whole break-up has been unbelievably weird, not just painful. Honestly, I just wish this tension would subside. It's sorta like a chronic anxiety attack.
destination_unknown Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I know it sounds pretty obvious, but have you tried yoga or tai-chi? Being alone after having your ex such a big part of your life for so long is a huge adjustment to make. You seem to be doing all the right things like exercise, taking the writing class and eating healthy. I dont want to make presumtions but maybe the physical symptoms are because you have been keeping yourself so busy that you havent allowed yourself to feel the pain of this separation? Definitely see your GP, as a precaution.
Author KittenMoon Posted March 14, 2006 Author Posted March 14, 2006 Oh, I have definetly let myself feel the pain of the seperation. I feel it constantly. I can keep myself as busy as possible, but it never leaves my mind. I'm "blessed" with the ability of being able to think about a million things at once. In school, I used to do my homework with a movie and music going because it was the only way to distract parts of my brain enough to concentrate on a project. He drove by me yesterday while I was walking (we live in the same neighborhood). It didn't hurt as much as I thought, maybe because I didn't expect to see him where I did. I know he saw me and he had his face partially covered with his hand as if I wouldn't recognize him and his car. That hurts, because I don't know why he would do such a thing. In our town, its inevitable that we will come across each other once in a while. I accept this. I was sad, but I was happy I didn't go into hysterics. I'm feeling this pain so acutely that I wake up in the morning and feel sad before my brain even remembers what I am sad about. I think I gotta try some sort of relaxation technique, measured breathing or something. It's hard to know someone is so close yet so far away. Even harder to wonder if they hurt too, or if they do not care. So many things can cause so much anxiety.
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