Cinia1510 Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Hey guys! [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I’m a new user - literally just signed up! And I’m in desperate need of some advice!! [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I'm 19 - moved to England from Guernsey with my partner two years ago - things were ok, I got a good job, we got a mortgage and was happily getting on with life . . . now two years down the line – I’m very depressed, alone, don’t feel like I fit in and hate my job - so all-round, its not good! [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]It all happened when I went back home at Christmas, I think something just clicked in my mind and all of sudden felt so homesick . .[/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I’m staring to have doubts about my relationship too - like "Did I do this too young?" "How do you know if this is love or just routine?" "Am I just too scared of being alone?" [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]-[/sIZE] [sIZE=3]my friend told me that once you begin to have doubts in a relationship and begin questioning your love for your partner – that’s it! She doesn't reckon it will go back to normal! [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]What I can’t understand is “why now?” why didn’t I have these “homesick” feelings when I first moved? [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Now I can understand the saying when they say love is blind – I moved here two years ago even though my friends and family told me I was too young, I dint care as long as I was with him. [/FONT][/sIZE] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]Does it mean that I’m not “in love” with him anymore? [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]It’s been a few months now and I’m waiting for these feelings to go back to normal – but nothing has changed . . . [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]HELP!! Any advice is greatly appreciated! [/FONT][/sIZE]
amaysngrace Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 what you should do is retype this so others can read it...it was too confusing
Author Cinia1510 Posted March 13, 2006 Author Posted March 13, 2006 Lets try it again - sorry x . . . . . . Hey guys! I’m a new user - literally just signed up! And I’m in desperate need of some advice!! I'm 19 - moved to England from Guernsey with my partner two years ago - things were ok, I got a good job, we got a mortgage and was happily getting on with life . . . now two years down the line – I’m very depressed, alone, don’t feel like I fit in and hate my job - so all-round, its not good! It all happened when I went back home at Christmas, I think something just clicked in my mind and all of sudden felt so homesick . . I’m staring to have doubts about my relationship too - like "Did I do this too young?" "How do you know if this is love or just routine?" "Am I just too scared of being alone?" My friend told me that once you begin to have doubts in a relationship and begin questioning your love for your partner – that’s it! She doesn't reckon it will go back to normal! What I can’t understand is “why now?” why didn’t I have these “homesick” feelings when I first moved? Now I can understand the saying when they say love is blind – I moved here two years ago even though my friends and family told me I was too young, I dint care as long as I was with him. Does it mean that I’m not “in love” with him anymore? ] It’s been a few months now and I’m waiting for these feelings to go back to normal – but nothing has changed . . . HELP!! Any advice is greatly appreciated!
amaysngrace Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 about OP...it's much better now maybe you have just changed. since you are so young, what you felt was the love of all loves just wasn't what you had thought it was. people are constantly changing their thoughts and expectations. you are quite normal there. i would suggest you go home for a vacation, maybe a long weekend, if at all possible. take it all in and see how you feel then, and see how much you miss your BF while you're away. most of all, listen to yourself and trust your own good judgment. best of luck!
flavius Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 Problem with being 19 years old is that you have no idea what "a long time" feels like. Don't panic (and don't take your bonehead friend too seriously.) Love isn't an event that just happens to you, it is something that you DO. Maybe you WERE too young for SOMETHING, but I'll tell you what: Love relationships are always a moving target, whether you are young or old. Both of you change continually. But growing together, and growing up together, is the greatest intimacy and fulfillment in life. When we came home from our honeymoon trip, my 19 year old bride cried like a baby and made me take her home to mother. Was she too young? Well, maybe! I'm glad we didn't give up that day, kiddo. Too much to say, but me and Mrs Flavius are one of the great love stories of all time. I've spent thousands of lines of LoveShackage describing it. It's easy to wiggle out, but you're never really free until you shoulder up the the obligations and blessings that God has given you. Don't freak out, Honey. Good Luck Cinia1510!!
flavius Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 Hell, girl, you're not even married? Forget everything I said.
MadDog Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 I'm glad we didn't give up that day, kiddo. Too much to say, but me and Mrs Flavius are one of the great love stories of all time. I've spent thousands of lines of LoveShackage describing it. A little narcissistic, don't you think? MD
Author Cinia1510 Posted March 14, 2006 Author Posted March 14, 2006 Hey guys - thank you all for your advice - I really do appreciate it!! Do you think Im really being selfish?! Sometimes I feel like I am and I hate that! I'm the sort of person who is only happy when the ones around me are happy - I do whatever I can to help others and If I don't I feel so guilty! I split up with my partner just after Christmas (when I got back from Guernsey) and he reacted in a way which I never imagined! It was horrible and it broke me seeing him like that - I felt like shuch a b*tch! So I told him Id give it another go . . . - he wasnt exactly "the perfect partner" before this - I did EVERYTHING round the house and he was very controlling, wouldn't let me go out and ALWAYS got his way. The problem is, he has gone from that extreme to the opposite! He's trying so hard, cooks tea most nites and has even ironed his work shirt a couple of times (never would have done that before!) . . . . . . And Im still confused, I am still distant and sometimes not even in the mood to see anyone! Should I be trying harder? I feel so selfish because It feels like I should be making much more of an effort to make this work - at the end of the day, It was my choice to move here with him "Ive made my bed and I should lie in it?" Will he stay like this or is he just doing it untill I tell him Im staying? Cause I know for sure the man he was wasn't the man I want to be with! There's the house too - we got a mortgage a year ago and have spent so much money on it - central heating, new floors, new kitchen (and yes most of those things were my idea!) . . . . What have I done?!!! I can honestly say I dont know whether I love him or not - is that even possible?! Shouldnt you just know? Should I be questioning my love for him? I'm aready starting to get "curious" of others - what would it be like If I was with him? S*x - well, to be honest I never have s*x with him because I want to, its mostly to keep him happy - is that normal? Am I just with him because I don't want to be alone? Ggrrrrrrrrr! Im so confused! Cant sleep, cant get this off my mind - its driving me mad! Also - my mum, she has been ill for a while with something called Alviolitis - I knew she was ill but she has recently got signed off work because of this! It was such a shock because I never thought it woyuld get so bad that she couldnt work! I'm very, very close to my family and it hurts knowing that they are struggling to pay bills - that makes the situation even worse! Its everything at once! Arrgghhhhh! HELP!!!!
amaysngrace Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Cinia1510...you need to listen to yourself! you are young and have your whole life ahead of you. if you feel something is not "right" in the relationship, it isn't. listen to your feelings. that vibe you pick up on is your internal instinct...do not ignore it. you sound to me like you are a 'people pleaser', always worrying about others before yourself...but when it comes to choosing who to spend your life with, you should be selfish in your demands. you should expect things from this man and he either sinks or swims in meeting those expectations. you are being neither selfish nor bitchy....you are being selective and it is within your God-given right to be so. if this guy is not living up to the standards which you have set for yourself, then perhaps you should let go. i have always believed it is better to be alone than in bad company....
flavius Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Well, at least you don't have to be confused anymore. Break up and live a normal life. You don't owe him anything. Make your selections FIRST, then LIVE. Don't select a crummy man and a crummy life and then whine about it. It gets a lot better than that!
flavius Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I can't deny it, and I can't help it. Nobody's perfect, right?
amaysngrace Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Nobody's perfect, right? except for YOU, dear Flavius
Recommended Posts