Mydish1 Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 sorry if im ranting here...but other than this board, no one in life wants to hear another's problems. I admit im feeling a little miserable, i hate the fact that she used me and i let her knowingly. i allowed my feelings to grow for her only allowed myself to get hurt. we dated shortly for a few months. we never became an official couple. her attraction for me had been slowly decreasing as time passed and i saw it coming...shortly, no thanks to her cousins, they introduced this guy to her who's 10 years older, so he's 31...yea he's got the big house, recently finished a 10 year p.h.d, got a car. hell a few days ago she just moved to an apartment a few blocks away from him. we're both 21, college students. But unfortunately it seems i'll be the last guy she's dated before she marries the older guy...as she tells me she can imagine marrying him. the thing that disappoints me about her is because of her insecurities she wants to settle down and start a family asap...she's looking for the provider figure. I cant offer her money, or a house, or a car like him. im still 21, i have so much in life i need to experience before settling down....which is a clash to her needs that i cant fulfill. needs that she wants at the moment. I knew most of the guys she's dated in the past were older than me...i shouldve seen it a mile away, especially the fact that she wasnt kidding when she said she had high expectations in relationship. The thought that agonizes me is that we have a lot in common, even our personalities....and that i wont be able to find anyone else remotely close to her. and i can imagine a possibility of settling down with her someday, but not at this point in my life. She claims that she's independent. but ive come to realize she's living in a fantasy world. She wants to follow her cousins, her mom....by marrying early. it seems to me that her the decisions she makes arent of her own, but influenced by those older than her, which are deeply rooted in her insecurities. She's always trying to be strong, but i know deep down she's always putting on an act for those around her. as an international student she goes to school and moves to different locations in the city, only fueled by her parents money.... knowing all this she really disappoints me through the choices she makes, but what i hate is that she's came into my life, disrupted my flow and left my scarred...all to fuel her selfish desires. now she's on my mind everyday...like poison. when it was over she wanted us to stay friends. i wanted more, so i walked away and said goodbye. i know im doing the right thing, cause i know having her around will just make it harder for me to move on. But a part of me wants to keep the friendship partially because making friends is hard nowadays. I feel helpless because i know to her our friendship doesnt mean much. i dont know if i should even bother. if i did ask to be friends again, we would be distant friends, but at least i know she'll be there if i call, and vice versa. i feel its dumb of me to want to stay friends with her after everything that's happened...
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