Control?!

[Fallen_Angel]

So I got really drunk last night and went to bed fairly early, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night, temporarily unable to get back to sleep. I was still a bit dazed, yet I got to thinking about my ex (surprise surprise)...and the idea of control, the upperhand, all that jazz.

 

In a good relationship, there's give and take. Both partners are on the same level. The problem arises when one partner grasps too much control...ie. one is more in love than the other. I'm starting to think perhaps this was a factor in the demise of my relationship.

 

At first, I was "in control." My ex was the first to say "I love you." He often worried about me finding someone else. After a short while I felt as though things had evened out, until of course the rug was pulled out from under me.

 

How do you know when you're no longer even, that the other person is more invested in the relationship than you are? Sure, once it's over the signs become alarmingly clear but that's due to hindsight being 20/20. And, more importantly (so I can learn for next time!) how do you maintain a sense of equality?

[Groovy]

Just in opinion, but in the past looking back no one has ever been "even" with me. It's always one person wanting the other one more. In some relationships it is you wanting more and in others him wanting more, and in some as you described this oscillates back and forth. It's not ever 50-50 all the time. I wouldn't analyze this as the fail of the relationship. If it failed it is for other reasons.

[CaliGuy]

I agree with you. Relationships are like a dance. And when one partner quits dancing with you, it becomes a chase. And people run when being chased.

 

It's hard to find that perfect balance in a relationship. But, being concious of it is very important. Once you understand where you are in the relationship (I chased far, far too much), then you can figure out what you should be doing.