emmaUK Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 Hi, i would like as many points of view as possible on this one so i can try and work out what is going on in my BF's head and try and understand him. the more guys that reply the better. i have been with my Bf about 8 months, it was so perfect in the begining as all relationships are, we have had our fair shar of problems but we always sort things out and are back to being all happy and in love again. the last 6 weeks it has been a little hard as he is really really stressed in his job and he is sick of living where he is living as he isnt getting on with his mum and i dont help as i have been feelin a bit down lately so i sometimes go on at him to give me more affection and attention which i guess is the worst way to drive someone away when they are stressed n jsut want an easy life. anyway... he comes over every weekend and stays at my place --- there has only been 1 weekend since we got 2getha that we havent seen each other. he told me a few days b4 that he couldnt come over this friday just gone as his dad was takin the family out for a meal as a little celebration as he had just had a baby with his new wife and moved into a new place. i totaly understood why he couldnt come over and was cool about it. then his friend invited him to go to his birthday gathering on sunday aswell which i was also cool about and asked him if he could come as early as poss on saturday and leave sunday morning so we got as much time together, he was fine with this and it was all aranged (i think he expected me to be moanin and complaining that i couldnt see him for longer, so im glad i stayed cool and understanding). we had a row on tuesday and ever since the row he has been a little distant but to be honest this is normal so didnt think much of it but did ask him what was wrong. anyway friday morning he rang up and we exchanged general chit chat before i asked him what time he would be over on saturday.... he said he didnt want to tell me a time in case he couldnt stick to it (he has been terrible with keeping to times recently) so i said "so i just have to sit and wait till you contact me or tell me your coming over" and he said "you dont havta wait" ie - this is the way its gonna be like it or lump it or find somethng else to do. it annoyed me coz i feel if he wanted to see me that much then he'd set his alarm and make the effort to get here on time. then i said he could have a little bit more respect for me and at least give me an idea of what is going on so im not hanging around like a prat. then after that, the convorsation was killed and he muttered something about having to go and eat as his dad had just come back from the take away and i reluctantly said ok bye. later on that day i get a text message saying this ................ emma im sorry 2 havta say this n there no easy way of puttin it but i dont wanna come over, iwanna be alone 4 the weelend. i dont know why, i just dont wanna come over. please dont ring me, i dont wanna have you going on at me. im sorry. so i tex back saying i understood and respect his choice but i was pretty upset and i wish he would give me some idea of why. anyway the truth was i was bloody heartbroken and spent the rest of the day crying and feelin sick and restless so i ended up gettin drunk in the evenening and texing him 2 lovey dovey texts saying that i love him n miss him n i jsut want things 2 be right n stuff.. anyway friday night has gone, saturday has gone and its now sunday morning (10am) and i still havent heard anything from him even though i did tex him yesterday and told him i thought he was being a little unfair keeping me hangin on waiting for him 2 contact me not knowing where i stand. the strange thing is, all of my long term BF's have done this to me, they all dissapear for a few days and are uncontactable then come back all smiles and say sorry but they just needed time to do thier own thing. ive come to the conclusion that it must be me and i must be doing something to cause this. what is going on guys, has any1 done this 2 any1 before and what would cause you to dissapear for a few days. what do you think he's thinkin n feeling and what do u think im doing wrong, what can i do to prevent this happening and is there anything i can tex him or email him to cut this dissapearing act short? please be brutally honest - no offence will be taken if you tell me im a nagging fish wife who's hen pecking her BF. lol lol. i just really want to understand him and do all i can to stop this happening again as as well as the fact my heart feels like its been ripped apart --- i dont want to hurt him or dive him away.
justagirliegirl Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 Timely topic. I don't know why but men just seem to do this. The get stressed about things and just want to retreat into their own little worlds. The JG mars/venus books go into this in more detail. He was honest saying he didn't want to come over and it sounds like he tried to tell you in a nice way. What you really need to do is get busy with your life and friends to where some time away isn't a bother. You don't want to be sitting around waiting on a man to do anything. I used to be one who would say something to the guy if if didint come over and sometimes we would get into over it. Now I just take it in stride and make other plans. I'm going through a bit of this now. It was driving me nuts not hearing from my guy all week. There was nothing wrong. Of course I thought about what I could have done wrong or did I say something and no,we last talked a week ago and everything was fine. I keep acting surprised when he does this and I looked back in my personal diary and he has done this disappearing for a long time now and if I said anything he would act like he couldn't believe I would get so bent out of shape about it. OTOH I have said I don't like it and he knows I don't like it and he keeps doing it. This time he will get a little taste of his own medicine when he comes back around and I don't reply to him so quickly. I guess the main thing I want to say is never to make one person the center of your life. If something happens to where they go away, then it sure is an empty lonely shell you have left. Have a full life with work, school, hobbies, friends that a partner is an accent to rather than having the partner as center and everything you do revolves around what they are doing, thinking, saying. Never show neediness or clingyness. It will drive them away. If you are sitting around trying to figure him out so you can do something differently, you are approaching a dangerous area. I have never been able to figure anyone out. The key is going about YOUR life as you are and if they want to be in it, fine; if they don't that is their loss. Besides, I can't think of too many men who sit around wondering why their girl did this or didn't do that. Good Luck
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