johan Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 We've been apart now for several months, with a brief attempt to get back together around New Years. I tried. She didn't. She missed me, but she didn't want to go back. I came away from it thinking I was better off. Some here know that the relationship wasn't that great, and it's the consensus of all who care about me that the breakup was the right thing. I came away feeling full of optimism and confidence. I hung out with friends and went out a lot. I dated a little, and had interest from some really great girls. At least a couple. I could have established at least one serious relationship by now. I could have completely replaced my ex without looking back at all. But those girls are gone now. I couldn't continue with them for a lot of reasons. I shut people out all the time. In the case of one friend, it was a conscious decision. In the case of others, it's just me staying in my hole. I've become reclusive. I have no desire to be around people. My evenings and weekends are full of solitude. My days are spent at the office, stressed out. This wouldn't bother me, if I thought it was a short-term situation. But there isn't an easy path back into life from where I am. I have no life balance. I have no motivation to get out and get some balance. I have no idea what I'm going to do. When I think of my ex, I get really mad. I keep thinking of the patience and energy and love I put into that relationship. I keep thinking how great it could have been. I feel cheated and empty. It's just one more black mark on womankind that I have to work to erase if I want anyone in my life. I thought I could just understand and figure that's how things go. I had faith that there are better women out there. But I hate them all anyway. Even if they are better. Well, I don't really hate them. But where I used to see a woman I was attracted to and feel confident. Now I just feel sad and I always talk myself out of making any kind of effort. It's fear. Time doesn't heal that.
Lonestar Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 It's fear. Time doesn't heal that. Yes, it does... Time heals everything. It just might take you more time.
heartnsoul Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 If you really feel this helpless, maybe you should consider seeing a therapist. Your thread leads me to believe you're suffering from depression and sometimes just accepting that you need help in gaining perspective can allow you to move forward. I've read some of your posts and you seem to be a highly intelligent person but also a person that may be a little too hard on themselves. There's nothing wrong with taking a time out from dating. You've tried and it just isn't the right time. You need to clear that old emotional plate first and foremost. You had a good amount of time invested with your ex and you did what you could. Her shortcomings are not your fault and your efforts weren't in vein. You learned alot from this relationship, I'm sure and I sincerely hope that in time, your faith will be restored. IMO, These peaks and valleys you seem to be experiencing are all apart of the healing process. However, since you mention having feelings of hopelessness....please consider therapy and take things one step at a time for now. I feel for you and hope that everything works itself out. Best Wishes
Outcast Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 You were together for several years. You don't get over that in a flash. Nor, IMHO, is it normal or natural to leap into a new relationship within a short time. You need to find someone who meshes with you on all levels. You don't come across that sort every day, every month, or sometimes every year. In the meantime, there is much more to life than being in a relationship. Make plans to travel or redecorate your place. Do something new. And get outside. Go for walks. Be a tourist in your own town. You need to shake the cobwebs out and hiding in your little lair is the worst thing for that. You don't hate women. You're frustrated and disappointed that you were unable to bring about something you wanted very much. You may need professional help to get over that if it seems to be impacting you severely still.
Author johan Posted March 13, 2006 Author Posted March 13, 2006 Lonestar: I agree that in time I will heal. People don't always heal as good as new. I guess I'll pay attention and hope for the best. Heartnsoul: Thanks! I'll have to sink lower before therapy is an option. I honestly don't think it helps much. But I also can't be paralyzed and watch my life pass for much longer. Hopefully I will soon get sick of this and get out of the house. I hate how the mind works. When I was with her, I kept thinking how I should follow my instincts and go. I remember thinking how deficient our relationship was. But the longer we're apart, the more I think about the good things and I get jealous thinking that she's probably dating someone else now. Anyway... Nothing new there I guess. I appreciate the responses.
blind_otter Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 Hey J, I know how you feel. That sounds so cheesy but I won't erase it. I dunno what the answer is. I think a change of pace and some travel may do you good. I know things get better with time but hell, you can always find something interesting to learn/do while passing said time. love, otts
Recommended Posts