silentMark Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 I am in the midst of one of the tougest things I have ever dealt with. I had been dating this girl for a little over a year. We had been friends for almost 4 years before getting together, and always got along very well. We Attended the same college, and graduated together. We did some traveling, and worked with each other to make it through finding jobs, and establishing ourselves in the real world. We both enjoyed each other's company to the fullest, and had, what I felt was a very health relationship. We were able to comprimise, communicate, and connect on every level. I knew this was the girl for me. We had discussed moving in together and marriage a few years down the line. In about October, she found out her parents were getting divorced. I did my best to be thier for her as much as possible, including going to visit her parents with her for emotional support, and even driving out to her house at wierd hours to console her when she was upset. I felt like she was doing ok with the divorce, and our relationship wasnt suffuering becuase of it. We said some many things to each other and made so many promises. We had both been on the bad end of some not so great relationships, and we both vowed to always make the other person feel special. Right around Christmas time, I began to get a very closed off feeling from her. She returned home after visiting her parents, and felt like we needed to slow things down a bit. I was aprehensive, but agreed, figguring she just needed some time because of all that was happening. I had a difficult time adjusting to the canges, but did my best to be supportive durring the situation. About a week later, she decided we needed to take a break with no real explanation at all. She said things like she needed to feel that she could make it on her own and not depend on me all the time. I was crussed. Typically, I was a very emotionally closed off person, but my emotions got the best for me. I have spent the last few months crying and depressed. I spent a long time trying to call her constantly, sending flowers and gifts, and basically begging her to take me back. After a phone call in which she was very disrespectful to me for no real reason, I decided no longer to make the first move. I didnt speak to her for a whole month until the other night. She called me to see how I was and to check on me since we hadnt spoke in so long. I talked to her and every single emotion returned to me, I felt as if I had taken a step back from any progress I had made. I am constantly anxious that she will find someone else, and never come back to me. I sit thinking aobut her all the time,e ven though I try not to. I often wonder why I do this to myself, as she seems to be off having a good time, without even giving me a second thought. Am I crazy? or should see feel something towards this breakup? She is my best friend, and I truely love her. I would do anything to have her back, and I know that is not a healthy attitude. I hurt so much, and I dont know what to do, will this ever stop hurting? We did everything together, almost everything I see reminds me of her, and I get upset. I push so many emotions down just to make it through my day, and it seems like she never even thinks of me. I know this was long, but does anyone have any advice who has been through something like this? I am desperite.
tikigods Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 First advice is that if she calls ignore the phone call, don't make contact with her, this will give you time to heal, like you were doing before she called this last time. It sounds like she hit a huge bump in teh road and wants to take some time to figure herself out in light of recent events. I would suggest that you move on and really grow yourself at this same time. When you feel better about it all, then maybe you can start a friendship with her again, but I think that she has shown that she doesn't really need you in her life right now, and other then a "how are you call" she hasnt made any other effort, the begging and pleading is only going to push her away.
clynn Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 What a sad story. I'm very sad for you. Some people really get screwed up when something as big as their parents splitting up happens. It really turns their whole world over. It seems like this has happened to her. Maybe she is questioning things like, "why bother anyway?" OR "I have to work on my independence...I would hate to be lost and on my own like my mom and not know how to cope." Regardless, it seems you have done all the right things and this is completely her because of where she is in her life right now. I've very sad to hear of your misfortune. If it helps at all, take comfort in knowing you've done nothing wrong, this really seems to have nothing to do with you and you are powerless to control anything aroudn this situation. Then I guess you must just sit back and heal. I imagine it will take a while. All the best.
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