symbol Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 It's been more than 4 1/2 months since the breakup. I thought that I had came a long way, however lately I started day dreaming about my ex. My favorite dream seems to be the one when he knocks on my office door and I look up and see him. I am totally startled and then he approaches and gives me a huge hug. You can't possible imagine how good I feel when I dream about that hug. And the weird thing is that I sometimes really believe that this is going to happen. It is like the first days of the breakup when I was totally denying that it was over forever. Is this yet another stage in recovery or am I just at square 1? For those of you who are not familiar with my situation, here it is in a nutshell: boyfriend of 7 1/2 years broke up with me. he is living in another state. hasn't called me even once, no email, nothing. I am also on NC for more than 4 months. Is this gonna get any better?
In Sync Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 I empathize with you. Yes, it is possible to be in the denial stage after 4 months. 4 months is still a short period of time to just get over someone you've loved and been in a relationship, in your case 7 years is major ...That said, don't consider 4 months of NC and being in denial a setback. Not at all. You are just at a period where (and each person is different) you are still sorting out and processing your life after a major life changing event. This person has been in your life for 7+ years and now they are not...it's only natural that your mind and heart are in conflict. The heart has not accepted was has happened to you but the mind knows the reality of what transpired. Unresolved emotions will come out in dreams..hope, tears or array of emotions....All of this is natural...and all will designed to make you stronger as time goes by. Be very proud of yourself for making it this far with NC.
ashley83 Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 Yeah, I think that's normal, especially considering you had been together for 7 years. I am on 60 days of NC (2 months 4 days, lol) after a 2 year relationship with my ex bf, and he hasn't called me. I just had a terrible dream the other night about him, I woke up in a cold sweat. It was terrible! I never want that to happen again. Just hang in there. I feel as if my life has turned upside down, and I am beginning to question myself. The time will pass, and we will soon be in a better place.
In Sync Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 Yeah, I think that's normal, especially considering you had been together for 7 years. I am on 60 days of NC (2 months 4 days, lol) after a 2 year relationship with my ex bf, and he hasn't called me. I just had a terrible dream the other night about him, I woke up in a cold sweat. It was terrible! I never want that to happen again. Just hang in there. I feel as if my life has turned upside down, and I am beginning to question myself. The time will pass, and we will soon be in a better place. Matters of the heart are never cut and dry...the dreams are just your subconscious mind trying to resolve what the conscious mind is overwhelmed with. I'm just shy of 5 months NC and only recently have I come to terms with my acceptance. I gave up hope of ever hearing from him by the third month but acceptance is a whole other ballgame. I've replayed and rehashed the relationship, I've asked zillions of why's and now...all I can do is accept. Is it was what it is. And I am in a better place because this experience has gotten me more in touch with myself..
Author symbol Posted March 11, 2006 Author Posted March 11, 2006 Thanks for your replies In Sync and ashley... I never imagined myself to be where I am now... You are right In Sync, I am still trying to process this change in my life. Sometimes, the truth becomes too much overwhelming I guess and hence I try to find peace by just pretending that this breakup is temporary or not even real sometimes. When you spend so much time with someone, you put them in the center of your life, you plan the future with that person and those plans make life so much "safer" (especially emotionally) and then one day all dreams shatter! I tend to think that I am a very strong person. But this time this has become a setback I believe. I sometimes think that after 4 months I should not be at this point. I think that I should have moved further. Seeing that I am still hurting actually lowers my self esteem... I hope this experience will make me stronger indeed and I can't wait to somehow move on... I remember your earlier posts In Sync. You have come such a long way. Congratulations! Ashley, I hear you! I wish you the best of luck on your journey to healing... Thanks again to both of you...
In Sync Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 Thanks for your replies In Sync and ashley... I remember your earlier posts In Sync. You have come such a long way. Congratulations! Ashley, I hear you! I wish you the best of luck on your journey to healing... Thanks again to both of you... And a BIG 'Thank You' for recognizing my progression...sometimes I find this healing and moving on business to be a rather lonely thing, on this side of the comuputer. Hey it's not as if I were walking around wearing my wounds on my sleeve during this whole ordeal. I had to work and deal with the real world while trying to cope with my heart aching and coming to LS allowed me to say what I've been feeling or how, periodically and I don't often see how far I've come. So I appreciate your taking the time to note it! Before I end this post I also wanted to bring up another point I wanted to say in regards to "the stage of denial." I think it's God's anethisia (or nature's way) to protect us from how deep we are hurt and in shock. If someone whom you loved leaves you (by death or a breakup) naturally we are in a state of shock, it's so painful to deal with that we go into a denial stage because it's for our own survival. Gradually as we process the life changing event, we slowly are able to deal with this pain without falling apart. And by this I mean suffering a complete breakdown..meaning not able to function, to eat, to work, to even get out of the bed for weeks.
qnmc Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 A good analogy that I heard is that while the grieving process has distinct stages (from shock to anger to acceptance), it's like a roller coaster ride where we'll hit every phase of the grieving process over and over again. However, over time the peaks and valleys become less pronounced and we get back to normal and ultimately true acceptance. That's the crappy thing about recovery from a breakup - it just takes time. And good for you with maintaining NC, it will definitely speed up the healing process.
Recommended Posts