Worlds Apart Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I have a question. My boyfriend and I have recently gotten back together after breaking up for about 2 months. We were together for a year b/f the breakup. I know the sparks and newness of a relationship aren't supposed to last forever. But it seems like he moved right from getting back together to being an old married couple. Which is great. I'm glad he is that comfortable with me, but a little attention would be nice. When I do stay over we end up in bed w/me reading & him on the computer. Like an old married couple. Or he is up running around until the middle of the night & I'm sleeping when he finally comes to bed. Or for example: he asks me to come over then works around the house the whole time. Or we spend time w/him and other people (his other people, not mine). Or we spend all day at a tournament with hundreds of people. Then when he takes vacation time he doesn't spend it with me, but makes plans to go visit his relatives the whole time. Believe me I am NOT a high maintenance girl, but I want some one on one time. I don't expect him to give up his whole weekend to be with me, but one weekend in the month?? Is that to much? If we could go away together I'd be estatic. I don't expect him to give up seeing his family but one day would be nice. Or if we could have a date night, just the two of us. In the past I've brought it up, but he gets very defensive and acts like I'm telling him he is a terrible person. The funny thing is...from the time when we broke up to the time we got back together, he didn't seem to do anything. It seems like it is only when we are together he gets these burst of "busy time". I don't know if it's his way of keeping distance between us. Or if he feels better and more engergized when he's with me and more capable of getting things done. Does anyone understand his point of view? Can you explain it to me? I'm feeling the same anger and resentment as I did last time. And I don't want to blow up on him again. I just want to understand.
MadDog Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 Sorry but that's kinda lame. I agree that it's important to spend time with friends and family but if you're in a serious relationship, your significant other should still come first. If he's going to act like that, what's the point of you two being together anyway? MD
Mary3 Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 My 2 cents : I used to be guilty of multi tasking and would read while I was at my girlfriends house ( this was years ago ) Until one day she confronted me and said " Do you realize when you come over you pick up a magazine and don't talk to me as much as you should " ? I was embarrassed and vowed never to do that again and I haven't. ( btw I love reading ,lol ) My problem is similar to your bf's . Always a type A multitasker and always busy but I need to make time for others. There will always been a need to take on alot of things but I have to put others first . I would say that you MUST point out your disatisfaction and then that person can digest what you have said and make changes. If that person makes NO changes , then they just don't care enough about you.
Becoming Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 Check out http://www.marriagebuilders.com to do an emotional needs inventory and then compare your emotional needs. Maybe he just doesn't understand what relationships take, and this will help him. Based on his parents' marriage, my H thought a relationship just was. Didn't have to do anything for it, just kinda hang out. That's fine. Like you, I'm glad he's comfortable, but hello? And just one Sat. a month? What are you, the girlfriend reserves? Will you really just be happy with this? Give him some help--let him know what he needs to do. It's frustrating, but you have to spell it out for some guys.
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