PrettyBabe Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Hello! I am looking for some opinions. Here is my delima. I asked my spouse about numerous phone calls he made during the day to a woman I didnt know about. He told me they met about 6 months ago and were friends. I read this so much, this is why I am so bother by my situation. Anyway, he said he never kissed, fooled around, or had sex with her. I question that because they saw eachother almost everyday, and talked alot on the phone. I guess she is engaged to be married. I have asked him in every way shape or form to tell me if he had any sexual contact with her, and he always denies it. Like other women, I doubt my husband. I want to believe him, but I cant tell if he is telling me the truth or hiding this one fact. I told him I would not leave him if he did have sex, and I wouldnt tell her finace either. I wonder if he is just a real good lier, or if he is telling me the truth. I have never had and emotional relationship, and I cant see how soeone can see someone everyday, talk to them non-stop, and never talk or have sex. I just dont understand. I have no one to talk to. I would never tell my parents, my friends are too busy, and I dont want to talk to a therapist. I feel so sad and so lost.
sylviaguardian Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 Hello! I am looking for some opinions. Here is my delima. I asked my spouse about numerous phone calls he made during the day to a woman I didnt know about. He told me they met about 6 months ago and were friends. I read this so much, this is why I am so bother by my situation. Anyway, he said he never kissed, fooled around, or had sex with her. I question that because they saw eachother almost everyday, and talked alot on the phone. I guess she is engaged to be married. I have asked him in every way shape or form to tell me if he had any sexual contact with her, and he always denies it. Like other women, I doubt my husband. I want to believe him, but I cant tell if he is telling me the truth or hiding this one fact. I told him I would not leave him if he did have sex, and I wouldnt tell her finace either. I wonder if he is just a real good lier, or if he is telling me the truth. I have never had and emotional relationship, and I cant see how soeone can see someone everyday, talk to them non-stop, and never talk or have sex. I just dont understand. I have no one to talk to. I would never tell my parents, my friends are too busy, and I dont want to talk to a therapist. I feel so sad and so lost. I am so sorry that you are in this s***ty place. I have been there myself before so I know how it feels. Sometimes people do just have emotional affairs and there is no physical aspect. However, the fact that you are very suspicious tells me something. I think that gut instinct is usually right. My situation was the same as yours. My husband admitted to an emotional affair with a work colleague lasting about six months. Bit by bit it came out that it had spanned 3 years and was physical. He denied everything to begin with, cheaters always do. In my experience, cheaters will lie til they are blue in the face, unless you can catch them out. I checked everything - phone bills, bank statements, emails, receipts etc. When I finally realised that my husband had been phoning her for a year longer than he had said, I sat him down and told him that I couldn't take his lying anymore and that if he didn't tell me the truth that we were finished. I also told him that no matter what he admitted to, we could work through it as long as I knew he had told me the truth. That was a lie at the time. There were certain things that had he admitted to, I would have thrown him out. That's when he admitted to the physical stuff. I would never have been able to prove it. I don't know what else to say. I know how it eats away at you. It took me 8 months to get the truth. Go with your instinct and let your husband know that you don't believe what he says. If all else fails, you could contact her fiance. He might know a thing or two about it. Good luck, Syl
Chump64 Posted March 11, 2006 Posted March 11, 2006 I have a hunch that your husband is not being truthful. Have the two of you seen a counselor? In my experience, cheaters will lie til they are blue in the face, unless you can catch them out. Amen to that! My story has been told here already, but let me just repeat that it took me 9 months to gather evidence that he could not refute, thanks to a ton of expensive spy equipment!
Walking away Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 I have to agree with these ladies. I know for a fact that my MM told his wife that we did not have a physical relationship. There were many things that he did not tell her about us. Probably damage control more than anything else, I presume. People that cheat generally don't tell the entire truth unless presented with evidence to substantiate it. I think partly because they do not want to hurt their partner even more than they already are, and partly for self-preservation. Unfortunately, if your gut tells you something, I would go with it. I am sorry for you.
KOTG Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 Due to my job i work away from home with several other men. One guy in particular who i worked closely with started a emotional relationship with a woman on Messenger while he was married. Over the next 6 months i watched it develop into a full blown affair, and i must say, i would find it very hard to believe that many men would be successful carrying on this type of affair without taking it to another level. I'm not saying its impossible, but i watched it develop from harmless flirting to almost daily trips into town to rendevous. It got to the point where i was being asked to lie to his wife when she phoned before i had to put my foot down and refuse to be party to his infidelity. Then one night i heard the arguments with his wife start, then came the lies, and his attempts to make her think she was crazy for not trusting him. He managed to turn everything around blaming her for being the problem in their relationship. She had a gut feeling i'm sure that something innapropriate was going on, i would trust your gut, but don't expect him to give up the information easily, liers seldom do without condemning proof.
silktricks Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I have asked him in every way shape or form to tell me if he had any sexual contact with her, and he always denies it. Like other women, I doubt my husband. I want to believe him, but I cant tell if he is telling me the truth or hiding this one fact. If he continually says the same thing (same exact words, same exact inflections) he's probably lying. If his story is each time similar, but the wording changes, and inflections are different he's probably telling the truth.
Walking away Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Some words of wisdom from my profession.....If you ask him a question and he looks up and to the right....he is using the creative part of his mind...which means he most probably is lying. If he looks up and to the left, he is touching into the memory....and he is telling the truth. Hope this helps.
Makeitstop Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Ask him if you can meet her...I mean, if she's just a friend and all and she is getting married. Ask him if you can be involved in their conversations and what they talk about.
JadeStar Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I agree, ask him if you can meet her. If theres nothing going on and shes "just a friend" as he says, then he shouldn't have a problem with you meeting her. Also if you do meet her, sometimes you can tell what may or may not be going on just by observering their interaction, so keep your eyes open. Jade
cut_up Angel Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 I would tend to be alittle uncomfortable about the fact that he is spending so much time with this other girl,but have you asked him what they do together and maybe he has some underlying issues he feels he can talk to her about. If so try not to take it personally as some people feel scared to talk to people they are emotionally involved with. It's a hard situation and i know it would drive me mad. Did you say he is not interested in sex? If he is not it is leading me to believe on of two things. Get back to me if you need to chat some more and we might be able to get you through this together. Try not to be pushy with him, as it might from his point of view give him an opportunity to leave you as you might be smothering him. If that makes sense. chin up chick!!!!!
brittbritt Posted March 14, 2006 Posted March 14, 2006 Well I would have to go with my first instinct on this one. If she was just a friend why did he keep her a secrete?
sylviaguardian Posted March 15, 2006 Posted March 15, 2006 Well I would have to go with my first instinct on this one. If she was just a friend why did he keep her a secrete? Absolutely. If she is just a friend then there is no need. I would be very careful about asking to meet her. I did that and all that happens is they both decide on a story, lie til they are blue in the face and you come away from it feeling totally humiliated and belittled. Just my 2 cents. Syl
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