thisisarandomperson Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I was just wondering, how many of you would be/haven been unfaithful to a partner when you have been drunk? Would you trust your partnet if they went out to drunk with his/her friends? Because at the moment i would be quite worried that my GF would do something like pulling another guy whilst she is drunk. She said she loves me loads and couldnt really imagine life without me. But when people are drunk, their feelings can change and they might end up doing something they might regret. Am i being silly by worrying about her doing anything silly while she is drunk? Perhaps im just paranoid because i've watched too many soaps, tv shows, and read too much of the newspaper...
JayKay Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 If someone can't control their actions while drinking, then they have a drinking issue. Seriously. It's one thing to go out, catch a buzz and have a good time with friends. It's another to go out and get loaded on a regular basis and then do things you have no memory of. Or to completely lose your sense of good judgement. If she has trouble with impulse control while drinking, rest assured she will probably end up in jail someday. She'll either get pulled over while driving drunk, punch someone in the face or do another equally stupid thing that wreaks havoc. This is no joke.
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I've cheated while drunk. I'd never have done it sober.
Pyro Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I was just wondering, how many of you would be/haven been unfaithful to a partner when you have been drunk? Would you trust your partnet if they went out to drunk with his/her friends? Because at the moment i would be quite worried that my GF would do something like pulling another guy whilst she is drunk. She said she loves me loads and couldnt really imagine life without me. But when people are drunk, their feelings can change and they might end up doing something they might regret. Am i being silly by worrying about her doing anything silly while she is drunk? Perhaps im just paranoid because i've watched too many soaps, tv shows, and read too much of the newspaper... You couldn't pay me or torture me in any way to get me to cheat on my woman. Not in the Riddler's category. She has not done one thing that has made me trust her any less. I do trust her when she goes out drinking. Unfortunately sometimes cheating does occur after one's been drinking. If she is that type, then there isn't much that you can do. If she is the type to cheat after being drunk, then that is how she will be. Some people just can't control themselves after indulging in alcohol. That of course is no excuse at all. If your judgement gets that screwed up after indulging in alcohol, then you shouldn't be drinking that much. Has your GF done anything in the past to make you distrust her? If not, then you shouldn't worry, but don't prevent her from seeing her friends. That will just create more problems.
lindya Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Every since I was 14 and watched a friend get outrageously drunk on plain old tapwater that someone had poured into an empty vodka bottle, I've been firmly of the view that people just use alcohol as an excuse for crossing the boundaries of normal or acceptable behaviour.
Pyro Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I do find it amusing that when cheaters get caught, they try to use alcohol as an excuse.Come on, grow up and take responsibilities for your actions.
Walk Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Alcohol lowers your inhibitions (whether chemically or psychologically, I don't know). Which could lead to infidelity if the woman, or man, was already dissatisfied in the relationship. Another aspect is the setting... having a lot of men hit on a woman and make her feel special, when the partner at home hasn't paid any attention to her in years.. then there's a chance the person may cheat without considering the consequences. Personal gratification, and selfishness play a part in this. When someone feels they aren't getting what they need out of a relationship, sometimes people feel it is okay for them to find it else where. I would say you have trust issues with your gf if you're worried about her cheating on you by going to the bar. And if that's the case then there is more wrong with your relationship then just her going out for the evening with a friend. So what is causing you to distrust her so much? Is this the same girl who asked to reschedule her date with you to go out with the friend? If it's going to cause you this much anxiety, then you need to discuss the situation with her. (Not that she's going to the bar, but that she rescheduled the date with you, or whatever event initially caused the feelings of insecurity)
catgirl1927 Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Alcohol can make you do crazy stuff, but it doesn't change who you are. It might make you brave, and it will definitely make you stupid, but it won't make you cheat on someone if that thought weren't already in the back of your mind. It's just an excuse.
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I am a recovering alcoholic so I have to assume I've gotten way more blind drunk than any of you, but who knows. I've gotten so inebriated before that I couldn't remember how I got to where I woke up or what happened after a certain point in the night. This is after drinking a fifth of Maker's Mark, though. That behavior in and of itself was the sign of a problem, though, and IMO people who drink like that do have a problem. I do invite anyone to try drinking an entire bottle of whiskey and see how well their cognitive processes function.
Walk Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I am a recovering alcoholic so I have to assume I've gotten way more blind drunk than any of you, but who knows. I've gotten so inebriated before that I couldn't remember how I got to where I woke up or what happened after a certain point in the night. This is after drinking a fifth of Maker's Mark, though. I do invite anyone to try drinking an entire bottle of whiskey and see how well their cognitive processes function. True... I've had people tell me of things I did while completely drunk, and I didn't remember a single thing. I thought they were making it up. These were things that were so out of character for me it sounded as if someone else had inhabited my body that night. I black out if I drink to much... do stupid stuff that I regret in the morning, assuming I remember. And I get in situations that I know are bad, or potentially very dangerous, with no clue how I got to that point. Just suddenly "wake" up while drunk and find myself in horrible situations. That's why I don't drink like that anymore. Far too many times of doing something I regretted in the morning. But I don't feel it was the fault of the alcohol. It was my mentality, my outlook on life, I didn't care who I hurt, or if I hurt anyone, and I didn't care if I lived through the night or not. I used alcohol to escape my problem, and in the process committed a lot of sins. It wasn't the fault of alcohol. It was my fault. and my decision to drink to that excess.
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 But I don't feel it was the fault of the alcohol. It was my mentality, my outlook on life, I didn't care who I hurt, or if I hurt anyone, and I didn't care if I lived through the night or not. I used alcohol to escape my problem, and in the process committed a lot of sins. It wasn't the fault of alcohol. It was my fault. and my decision to drink to that excess. Well sure. That's what they teach us in AA. I've said this all over the place, esp on here. It's the relationship you have with the substance, not the substance itself -- and that toxic relationship style usually carries over to all areas of the alcoholics life. Including toxic romantic relationships, usually.
THX2000 Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Every since I was 14 and watched a friend get outrageously drunk on plain old tapwater that someone had poured into an empty vodka bottle, I've been firmly of the view that people just use alcohol as an excuse for crossing the boundaries of normal or acceptable behaviour. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Exactly. If you can't control yourself when you're drunk then you shouldn't be drinking.
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I am a recovering alcoholic so I have to assume I've gotten way more blind drunk than any of you Ooooooh, boy. Otter, you have NO idea.
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Ooooooh, boy. Otter, you have NO idea. Haha, I was referring to the posters above who were saying you always know what you're doing when you're drunk. Which I didn't. So I stopped drinking. Some people do not understand that others have the impulse to completely annhialate their brain functioning for an evening or two. Or a week. And that alcohol (and other drugs, but this is cheap and legal) enables you to do that. My thing is, if you do get that drunk -- as to where you COULD say that you don't remember what you did, then you obviously have a problem with yourself. (you in the general sense of the word)
Author thisisarandomperson Posted March 10, 2006 Author Posted March 10, 2006 Well i do trust he, but i don't know what she is like when she is drunk. She says she gets turned on and gets quite silly when drunk. But she hasnt kissed a guy since yr6 (her bf in yr 6) and she has been drunk a few times since then and i dont remember her telling me about any other guys. Guess i could trust her, but since she turned 16, her body has matured a lot more so she is even more attractive and she does tell me guys chat her up. As this is an LDR i won't always be there to look after her, but i do give her all the attention she needs and try to make her feel good
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 LDR at 16? What are the kids thinking nowadays.
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 My thing is, if you do get that drunk -- as to where you COULD say that you don't remember what you did, then you obviously have a problem with yourself. (you in the general sense of the word) Nope, "me" in the very specific sense of the word, I assure you. :lmao:
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Well i do trust he, but i don't know what she is like when she is drunk. She says she gets turned on and gets quite silly when drunk. But she hasnt kissed a guy since yr6 (her bf in yr 6) and she has been drunk a few times since then and i dont remember her telling me about any other guys. Guess i could trust her, but since she turned 16, her body has matured a lot more so she is even more attractive and she does tell me guys chat her up. As this is an LDR i won't always be there to look after her, but i do give her all the attention she needs and try to make her feel good OK, she shouldn't be drinking at 16 anyway. Not because it's illegal, but because if you thought adults had problems with lowered inhibitions while drunk, it's ten times as bad with someone who hasn't even developed the maturity to really make completely wise decisions... Case in point: I made two drunken cheating mistakes in my adulthood, and about twenty in my teens. And I drink WAY more now than I did then.
Walk Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 How old is the OP? just curious. You can't control her actions, she does. You don't trust her, and you've already assumed the worst. To me, that shows you don't have a solid relationship. So you could either attempt to work on the relationship, or continue to play the "what if" game.
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Let's remember that the frontal lobe, which governs rational thought and decision making processes in the brain, does not fully develop until the mid-20s. Which is why adolescence is usually a time of stupid mistakes and excessive drug use. Your brain isn't fully matured, you guys are still developing. You aren't mini-adults.
flavius Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I haven't been s***-faced drunk since I was 21, AND I have a biological constraint that you girls do not have that keeps me right: That kind of intox shrinks my pecker to insignificance, and wouldn't DARE break it out so long as I retain consciousness! I do get (even) less inhibited when drinking. There is NOBODY more prone to sexual attraction than old Flavius, but as thunderous as that can be, I am passionate about flying right. I love to play the game, and I use canned routines to make sure that I (a) score well in the game, (b) keep my pants up, © don't disgrace my wife and tribe, and © don't lead anyone on falsely. Strangely, it is possible to do all four at once. My buddy and I go out once a week -- we can pack a table with cuties and never buy the beer :cool: -- and we are not that awfully pretty. Kind intentions can take you a long way, and I truly don't think I've lost a thing by not "exploiting my options." Another thing, I could not BEAR to drill a woman who seemed incapacitated, even if she were as cute as BlahBlah or Blind-O (who both happen to be hot enough to melt my earwax.) How anybody could enjoy that, or be glad they did something like that, is just beyond me:sick: . Great God in Heaven.
electric_sheep Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 @lindya and The Riddler I totally agree with both of you. I think drug and alcohol use is merely used as an excuse to indulge in behavior you are not proud of and cross boundaries that you normally wouldn't. If the desire and the predisposition was not there, you woulnd't do it no matter what drugs you are on. I do not say this naively or without personal experience. I am 35 and spent the majority of my 20's caught up in a vicious cycle of self-destruction that landed me in jail and the hospital many times, and ultimately nearly killed me. Alcohol flowed through my life (and my girlfriends) like a river for the roughly 3 years we were together. I also frequently used and abused hallucigens (LCD, shrooms, and peyote buttons), cocaine (crack and powder), pharmaceuticals (you name it, I had cocktails for everything), speed, marijuana, and just about anything else someone happened to have (except for heroin). I did all sorts of crazy s***, but I know deep in my heart that at some level I WANTED to do those things. Even when I was at a Dead show and was on 4 hits of acid, had smoked God knows how much marijuana and opium, and went out to the parking lot to drink an entire bottle of champagne by myself ... I still hold myself accountable. Not to mention, just the getting f*cked up to begin with was sort of an invitation for craziness to enter my life. So ... I totally hold myself accountable.
blind_otter Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Not to mention, just the getting f*cked up to begin with was sort of an invitation for craziness to enter my life. So ... I totally hold myself accountable. I think everyone has already said this. But IMO you aren't dealing with the proper issue if you merely say -- I got wasted, but I hold myself accountable. The whole point is that you did get wasted to such extremes, which is more to the point of I think of what this says about the person. Not the fact that they use the substance, but the WAY they use it. Normal people simply do not do this, they do not go to the extremes that people with substance abuse issues do. I perpetually feel like we often fail to get to the point of anything in threads.
electric_sheep Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Well, the point of my post was to be a counterpoint to other posts I read. Posts that seemed to suggest that people will do things while f*cked up that they never would do normally. That may be the case, but the reason is not because of the drugs, the reason is because they are willingly letting themselves off the hook at some level. Personally I just think that anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is full of BS. Deep down we know what we are doing. We know what we are doing even when suffering black outs. I didn't experience blackouts for years, but when I did start having them, and I had to have friends tell me what happened the night before, it's pretty clear that I was just my normal ole drunk self. It's not like some possessed deamon entered me and made me do things I would never do otherwise.
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I could not BEAR to drill a woman who seemed incapacitated, even if she were as cute as BlahBlah or Blind-O (who both happen to be hot enough to melt my earwax.) LMAO :lmao: :laugh: God bless your soul
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