aimeeb Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 My husband and I have been married for 4 years we have 2 children a 2 year old and a 3 year old. My husband went out and had too many drinks and stayed over at a friends house. For the last few days we have been fighting really bad finally he confessed to me that he had kissed a girl at his friends house I have been devistated he swears that nothing else happened and that he was drunk and never meant for it to happen. I really feel like I can never trust him and am concidering leaving him am I overreacting or do you think anything else happened and he is lying to me about it?? Please help
giggless Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I would consider it cheating.....and being drunk is not an excuse! But I think it's a good thing that he told you about it......
tikigods Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Being a drunk is a bad excuse, in fact its no excuse at all. It was cheating in my eyes
hooghie Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Definitely cheating. Does he get points for telling you? It depends- if you've been fighting and you pressed him and pressed him because you knew something was up and he finally caved- NO POINTS. If he came to you and told you because he felt so horrible about it- MAYBE. As small as a kiss may sound to some people- this may be a deal breaker for me. The question isn't what he did (just a kiss)- it is why he did it and what drove him to cross the line.
Guest Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 While I can see breaking up with someone if they kissed another while you are in high school or college, I think it would be simply insane to do that if you had been married 4 years and had 2 kids with the person. You guys can work this out. Things just seem bad now. Believe me, they will get better. By all means I'd kick him in the ass a bit though.
castle26 Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 a kiss are you kidding? I disagree w/everyone here, I think he does feel bad because he told you about it. I know it hurts you but let the hurt stop by telling yourself. If it was something that was to be an affair he never ever would mention it. I would just forget all about it and go buy yourself something nice like a nice braclet or something. Of course you could kiss somebody else to see how it feels. He maybe was excited by it so he feels very bad. It is normal to be excited even if he loves his wife. To me his guilt proves he cares alot about his love for you There isn't perfection in marriage trust me but where there is love you have everything, even if you both mess up sometimes
Makeitstop Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 He shouldn't drink anymore if it impairs his judgement and puts him in situations that are conducive to cheating.
littlekitty Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 I'd certainly agree with the other posters; yes, it is cheating. As another poster asked, did he tell you because you pushed him to tell you? Is that what you were fighting about? What were you fighting about? Did he come and admit to you? I think you have every right to be considering leaving. However, if you love him, and have an otherwise good marriage, it would certainly be worth trying to work through this. I'd certainly seek counselling. He ought to be willing to try to repair your broken trust. I agree that you need to look at why this happened, and what led to it? If it's never happened before, why now? I can understand your hurt, cheating is cheating, but I'd be inclinded to work at this.
Guest Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Yep.....He cheated....I feel your pain, I have been where you are. PLEASE know this, it is NOT YOUR FALT & it is not YOU, it is him. He is messed up. If you are going to stay, concentrate on yourself, first and foremost. Take time away, leave him with the kids, even for just a day. Go with yourself, or girlfriends (which is better) and have a day of beauty. I PROMISE, I did this and I felt so much better after. Not better about what he did to me, but better about myself. I realised through my mini makeover, that I am hot and any man would be lucky to be with me. I am a good catch, and I will not settle for anything less than what I want and deserve. It sounds corney, but we are women, this is what we do, & every little bit helps. Good Luck!
catgirl1927 Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 It's definitely cheating, but whether or not you should end the marriage would really depend on things we can't possibly know here. Being drunk does not matter at all. Was it, in fact, just a kiss? What kind of kiss, a peck or was he making out? What would he do if you told him that you had done what he did? Is this the first time it's happened? The fighting is probably because he's feeling SO guilty and was taking it out on you, which says to me that it is the first time. What made him drink so much that he couldn't come home? It seems extreme to end a marriage over just a kiss, but you guys are having some serious marital problems that need to be worked out, no doubt about that. I'm so sorry this happened. I hope you are ok, no matter what the outcome.
harleygirl92156 Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 In my experience, if he admits to kissing her, he had sex with her. They will tell you enough to get off the hook, but not the truth. Start asking questions of others until you get to the bottom of the truth, cause he isn't going to tell you. As far as leaving him over it, whether it was a kiss or full blown sex. I would say not at this point. I would insist the drinking stop, completely and make it clear that if he drinks again, deal breaker and then follow through. This sounds more like a drinking problem than a cheating problem, although the two usually go hand in hand.
THX2000 Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 It's definitely a betrayal of trust and is cheating but if he honestly didn't do anything more than kiss her (only he knows the truth) then I wouldn't throw your marriage away over it. I would however put him on notice that he is on your s*** list and he is going to have to do some major work to earn back your trust.
michelangelo Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Your H is on the classic cheater's run. Deny, minimize, use excuses.
oannamarie Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 Not to make you feel worse but as a cheater myself the chances are he did something more.
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