flavius Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 So then how does your advice differ from mine or BlahBlah's? Crap, Mr. Compassion, just who is your compassion FOR? Bless insomnie's heart, she's been some guy's trash can for 1.5 yrs, and that's long enough. It's not like there is some subtlety in all this -- he should be panting after her to win her affection, but he can't even take her out, EVER?? She should feel good about herself. She has the patience of a saint. And if she feels good about herself, then she should assert her value by taking her business elsewhere. Some boy who would dare invite my girl over to watch him ignore her deserves nothing but a butt-whipping. Since that is beneath the dignity of one as classy as Insomnie, he will have to settle for just a busy-signal, forever. Go, girl! he doesn't even deserve a notification.
konfuzd Posted March 12, 2006 Posted March 12, 2006 I am not defending the guy entirely in this situation, but I think the OP should take her share of the accountability. This is obviously not the first time he's neglected her needs as his gf. If she, however has allowed him to treat her this way continuously over the past year and a half, continuing to be the great gf she sounds like she is, she is giving her approval for him to treat her this way. Again, I am speaking from my own experience, where I have been a total push-over and doormat for several men.... It is a hard cycle to break, you think that the more wonderful things you do for this person, the more they will value you and want to return the affection and attention you give them. In a perfect world, yeah sure... unfortunately, it's not how it works. This guy has a sweet deal right now. He knows that he can put minimal effort into this relationship and still reap the rewards. What reason does he have to change? He has it made in the shade. You need to let him know that you have tolerated this behavior for long enough, and if he is serious about you, he needs to take you more seriously. I don't think it's fair to break it off with him right away, when he doesn't know how much this is hurting you, because you won't take a firm stand on what you feel you deserve. I only hear your side of the story, and I'm not trying to attack you. This guy should not be treating you this way, no one deserves that kind of neglect and disrespect. I am sorry that you are going through this, but the only person who can initiate change is you. Don't expect him to read your mind and figure out on his own how much this bothers you.
Mary3 Posted March 13, 2006 Posted March 13, 2006 Some excellent posts konfuzd ! I agree with you 100% Demand respect OP
Author insomnie Posted March 14, 2006 Author Posted March 14, 2006 Thanks a lot for your responses everyone! I agree more or less with what everyone has said, and definteily I am at least somewhat at fault for allowing myself to be treated this way (and I MUST allow it, ALL my boyfriends have felt it was ok to slip into this kind of routine). Someone said that this sounded like a make-believe relaitonship of youth, and I agree. In some ways we are both pretty immature and sometiems it seems we are together....just to be together. It's a little more complicated, though. I know we are both young and I am not one of those people who would even CONSIDER marriage before 25 or so, but boyfriend has a lot of good traits, too, in addition to the ones I've mentioned in my previous posts, traits I would like to see in a long term relationship. Plus, I LOVE him... I saw him yesterday and told him how he'd made me feel. I even suggested he didn't care about me, or care enough, and maybe it was time to take a break. He assured me that he did love me, and said that he's been avoiding me beucase he hadn't wanted to deal with the pressure or trying to make me happy when he knew I'd be disapointed with the way he'd acted. Pretty immature. I mentioned all the other things that I thought weren't right, about our relationship in general, and the conclusion, I think, is that we are going to try to take it easy. IE take a break, only without seeing other people. In some ways I feel I should have demanded MORE commitment after how he'd acted, but I know you can't really DEMAND that kind of thing from someone, they wither want to give it to you or not; it would ahve only pushed him further away. Besides I understand now that we have bigger problems than just him ignoring my birthday. I would like to try to make it work with him, though, by trying to regain the connection I think we've lost because everything we've been doing has been out of obligation. Not being togehter will let us evaluate how much we LIKE being with each other, becuase no one will be OBLIGATED to do anything...which is how it SHOULD be in a functioning relaitonship anyway. I think our mindsets were just messed up. Anyway, I had a lot of fun with him last night, something that hadn't happened in a while. The birthday thing I will forgive, and I guess only itme will tell whether or not we work out in the long run....
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