tracerit Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 i've kept NC for 3 months with her. we didn't really agree on not talking, and the last time we spoke was mutual, we just stopped calling each other. my life has been bland since her and i've been using the time to workout, but my improvements are not apparent yet. i heard from a friend that she and the guy she left me for just broke up, it seems like he broke up with her. i want to get backw ith her and get another chance, but i know that 1. she's not really interested and 2. i haven't changed since the breakup. well her birthday is coming up at the end of the month and i'm contemplating if i should call her or send her a happy bday card. i know that i will be a better person in the future and i'd like to have her in my life, because she was the best friend i ever had, we had so much in common, the relationship just didn't work out. so if i tell her happy bday, it will only be to let her know that i still care about her, i'm not expecting to call her afterwards, just let her know that i still remember her bday. i recall her telling me how she was sad that none of her friends remembered her bday when we were going out, and even her best friend before me forgot. is this something that i should go ahead and do? i'm not looking for a relationship with her or anyone right now due to school and my internship.
skeptik224 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 A lot of people will tell you not to contact her...that you are no longer together and NC is the best thing for you. Although I do agree with that for the most part, there's a small part of me that doesn't see anything wrong with you saying happy birthday - although I'd refrain from doing it in phone format. You need to ask yourself a few questions, though. Are you doing it to get her back? Are you ready for a friendship only with her? Do you have alterior motives? and most importantly, would you do it even if she was still with the boyfriend? Don't do it because she got upset in the past because nobody acknowledged it last year. Her feelings/emotions are not yours to deal with anymore. If you do it, please do make sure that you don't expect ANYTHING in return. If you didn't end on mutual terms, I'd say don't do it. I don't know...my mind goes back and forth on this one.
kitten chick Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 This is confusing. You say you want to get back with her and have another chance but then you state that you don't want a relationship with her.
agnf666 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 When did they break up??? I think I would give it some time... She will totally get the hint that you are into her agian... but if you like her and want another chance but you don't want a relationship... That is something you need to think out right now... You need to figuer out what you want... That is something you need to know before you try to talk to her agian... Don't lead her on to think that you want her back if you really don't... Now... I would just start talking to her agian. Just call her or something... Sending her a card on her birthday is not a bad idea...
Author tracerit Posted March 9, 2006 Author Posted March 9, 2006 This is confusing. You say you want to get back with her and have another chance but then you state that you don't want a relationship with her. yeah, scratch that part about me wanting to get back with her for another chance i've had many chances with her during the two years together, it'd only be a mistake for the both of us to try again.
Author tracerit Posted March 9, 2006 Author Posted March 9, 2006 When did they break up??? I think I would give it some time... She will totally get the hint that you are into her agian... but if you like her and want another chance but you don't want a relationship... That is something you need to think out right now... You need to figuer out what you want... That is something you need to know before you try to talk to her agian... Don't lead her on to think that you want her back if you really don't... Now... I would just start talking to her agian. Just call her or something... Sending her a card on her birthday is not a bad idea... they broke up last week i believe, and if i contact her, it will only be to say happy bday, i'm not goign to let her know that i know she and that guy are no longer together, ask her how she's doing in school and work, then end it off by saying 'take care'. my motive is not to lead her on, just to let her know i still remember and care about her, but i don't want to make it too personal. i'm living a boring yet comfortable life right now and i'd like for it to stay that way until i get my act together.
agnf666 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Then just mail her a card saying all of that... keep it short and sweet and see how it goes...That's the best thing to do... Since you remember her birthday it shows that you care right there. So, then she will just think that was friendly and you care... So, it won't be something that should lead her on to anything...
Author tracerit Posted March 9, 2006 Author Posted March 9, 2006 so if i send her a card, i'm goign to keep it to the point, i won't ask any questions, but i'm sure that after she gets it, there will be a good chance that she'll call me and say thank you, but what if she asks me questions about how i'm doing and such. what should i do then? because i don't really want to be friends with her now until i'm a changed person. i'm sure you guys all think it's odd that i want to contact her, then cut all contact again haha
kitten chick Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 so if i send her a card, i'm goign to keep it to the point, i won't ask any questions, but i'm sure that after she gets it, there will be a good chance that she'll call me and say thank you, but what if she asks me questions about how i'm doing and such. what should i do then? because i don't really want to be friends with her now until i'm a changed person. i'm sure you guys all think it's odd that i want to contact her, then cut all contact again haha Not that odd. I went through the same thing a few weeks ago. I needed to get the final contact out of the way so it wouldn't be hanging over your head. As a wise LSer said, sometimes you just need to confront your past to move forward. I'm kind of glad that he didn't write back in a way because I don't want him to be a part of my life but it still hurt a bit. It was a necessary step I had to take to move on. Maybe this is what you need to move forward.
agnf666 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 so if i send her a card, i'm goign to keep it to the point, i won't ask any questions, but i'm sure that after she gets it, there will be a good chance that she'll call me and say thank you, but what if she asks me questions about how i'm doing and such. what should i do then? because i don't really want to be friends with her now until i'm a changed person. i'm sure you guys all think it's odd that i want to contact her, then cut all contact again haha Okay... I know you want to send her the card to let her know you care but you might just put yourself were you don't want to be... When is her birthday?? Well you can be nice and send her the card... She will call and thank you, and ask you a bunch of question on crap.. Be nice answer her question... Try to make the conversation short... Tell her you have to go you have something you have to do. Then after the conversation don't call her anymore... I think that would be the best...
GB111 Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 Don't know how far you've made it since the first breakup, but this really bothered me: "i want to get backw ith her and get another chance, but i know that 1. she's not really interested and 2. i haven't changed since the breakup." Ummmmm... She's not interested, and you haven't changed. Why do you want to subject yourself to another inevitable breakup? I'm always looking to encourage people on this page, but frankly, sounds like you're going to end up right back where you were six months ago.
Author tracerit Posted March 11, 2006 Author Posted March 11, 2006 ok, now i'm thinking it may not be such a great idea. i wouldonly put myself in a worse position like GB111 said. if i were her, i'd be confused to why i recieved a card, then no communication. i mean, if i don't want to talk to her often, but i still remember each year to send a card, i'd just be borderline crazy haha.
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