yikes12345 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 I'm young, I'm naive, I admit to it all. I was 18, I'd never had a bf before and I met Ben. He wasn't what I really wanted, but he grew on me and we were together for almost a year and a half. I broke up with him because he wasn't treating me the way I felt I deserved to be treated. We had talked, I had cried, and nothing had changed. I never realized it would be so hard. 2 days later I asked out Jason, a guy back home who I knew liked me. We've been out and we always have a great time. I still see Ben a lot when I'm here at school. We have class together. And I just enjoy spending time with him. When I moved here, I lost touch with my best friend back home, and Ben kind of took her place. I really do consider him to be my best friend now. We haven't tried the whole NC thing and I don't think either of us really wants to. We mean too much to each other as friends. I don't want to lose another best friend. He doesn't have to see my new bf and I don't talk to him about it, so it's okay. I DO, however, have to see all the new girls he's interested in. And it kills me everytime. I've cried everyday this week. It's a small campus and we just keep running into some of his new prospects. It's really hard. Like I said, I'd never had a bf before (and obviously never been through a break up) and I didn't realize it would be like this. I definitely would have waited longer to start a new relationship. Is NC really the only way to do it? I don't know if I could stand losing him completely.
skeptik224 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 I wonder why you get jealous and uncomfortable when your ex is with other girls. You broke up with hiim. I think you need to look a little deeper within yourself to figure out why. As far as friends go, I do believe you can be friends with an ex, but it definately takes time. The fact that you don't talk about your current boyfriend makes me wonder what really is going on. How true is your friendship if you can't talk to your best friend about your love life? Perhaps it's too soon for you 2 to be friends. Sometimes you have to risk losing what you have to be fair. You said that you asked out Jason 2 days later because he liked you. I have a problem with that in 2 ways. One, I hope that wasn't the only reason you asked him out. Did you ask him out so you wouldn't have to deal with things with your ex? Second, I'd question why you did it so quickly. I'm a firm believer that you should have space in between relationships - whether you are the dumper or the dumpee. Too much baggage can be carried over. I understand this is your first relationship. I can tell you that yes, it is hard when dealing with the loss of a relationship...You said you would have waited longer to start a new relationship if you had known it was this hard. What's to say that you can't end things with your current boyfriend if that's the case? You need to make sure you aren't using this new guy to get over the old. Don't rush being friends with your ex. It'll happen in time. If you both try to be friends too quickly, it may backfire.
qnmc Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Wow, tough situation to be in here. NC is the only way to get over someone when you are truly blown away by a breakup. If you feel you can keep the friendship going while moving on then go for it. 99 times out of 100, though, when you've been in a loving, committed relationship where you were emotionally invested in that person (i.e. truly were in love), keeping contact with them keeps you in a never-ending cycle. You keep getting pulled back to square 1 of the recovery process and are unable to move on with your life. If this is the case with you, where you're having trouble moving on with your life, most often people literally have to make themselves do NC eventually. Those who have been through a breakup before usually execute NC soon after the breakup because we've been there before and know it's for the best (even though every fiber of our being wants to stay in contact). Your call here.
In Sync Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 You are in a situation which seems on the surface to have worked out because the breakup with the exbf did not end in ruins and you've managed to maintain respect and genuine care for one another. Other the otherhand, I think that you are being less than honest with yourself because you are still emotionally tied to the him. For example today I had lunch with a male friend, and he spoke freely about his recent girlfriends and hookups and I had absolutely no problem hearing any of it...because I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever...on the flip side had this been my ex and he spoke about his present gf's I could not do it without feeling crushed inside. Period. Since you have said as much that you are crying and are obviously effected I suspect you still have strong feelings for this exbf. NC seems to be the best solution, temporarily, until you are fully over him...which requires time apart. NC is not done out of revenge or anger towwards the ex (a mistake some people have taken it to mean) but a way to allow yourself to move on from a relationship that has emotional impact that is not helping you to be in right now. Since you seem to have maintain respect for this guy, perhaps talking to him before doing this would be helpful..explain to him you need some time alone. As a friend wouldn't he understand? I have female friends who I contact periodically throughout the year not everyday of the week but maybe once a month...yet we are friends. If someone is your true frend you don't lose them completely... if you are afraid of losing him it may be that your still harbour more feelings than just friendship..
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