DaisyBelle Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Hi all, The last two years of my life have been tough. My husband of eight months left me, my dad disowned me, my grandfather died, two of my dogs died, i was treated for a breast lump, my boyfriend left me....so that's the backdrop of all this. Not good times, but I think I'm doing better. I'm currently seeing a great guy who is very good to me; we've been together for about four months. Yet at the same time, I think about my ex-boyfriend all the time and miss him terribly. The ex and I dated for about ten months and he ended things last September. We had a good friendship and were very intense physically, but also were dealing with an age difference and a long distance situation. I dream about him, so many things remind me of him, and I miss him. Then I feel guilty because I have a new boyfriend who is so good to me. Why can't I get past this? I IMmed with the ex about two months after we broke up and he's seeing someone else. This hurts, but I also know that it wouldn't have worked out for us and that she's better than I am anyway. He seemed disturbed by the fact I had met someone new, which I didn't understand at all. He wanted all these details about him, which didn't make sense to me because the ex ended things with me. What does he care what I do? If I logically know that we wouldn't work, why do I feel so horrible? Why can't I focus my energy on my new boyfriend? I still cry over him even though I've avoided contact with him for three months now. I don't know how to resolve this and every day it aches instead of getting better. Help. Ugh.
qnmc Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 "If I logically know that we wouldn't work, why do I feel so horrible?" The problem is that there is no logic when it comes to the heart and recovering from a breakup. It just takes time. What can you do in the mean time? I'd suggest doing everything in your power to truly accept that it is over between you and your ex... and I mean on every level. While we can consciously feel it's over and not coming back, deep down that hope sometimes still lurks. Also, focus on this new guy and his great qualities. Try to remove yourself for a couple minutes from the hurt over your ex and see your new guy in an unfiltered light. You may find that he's not right for you, or you may find that he's the best thing that's ever happened to you. You also might want to go talk to a therapist about what you're feeling. I know it helped me immensely to talk to someone with an objective viewpoint, professionally trained in these matters.
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