thisisarandomperson Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Ok well me and this girl have been having this LDR, and we love each other a lot. We planned to meet this friday in london over a week ago, we were talking on MSN earlier and she suddenly asks if she can meet me on saturday cause her best mate had invited her out to a bar and she wanted to get drunk cause she hadnt had good night out in a long time. I was quite hurt by this but i tried not to show it cause i didnt want to upset her, but i made up a story about being busy on the weekend by helping my dad with something. I decided that i shouldnt be so selfish so i said i will speak to my to my dad to free up saturday. Then she is in a mood with me for some reason even though im letting her go out on friday and i could stil meet up with her on saturday. Then she says she is gonna go for a bit on msn. Im quite hurt by this as i don't feel very important to her at the moment. She did say that she wanted to see me as well, but she wanted to go out as well. Also im worried that some guy will take advantage of her whilst she is drunk, because as u know when ppl are drunk they lose their inhibitions. I dont really like her best mate as i think she is a bad influence on her, and i know her best mate is only gonna go out on the pull and im worried she will get my gf involved in it. My gf did say she gets a bit horny/turned on and is quite silly when she is drunk, which only doubles my worries. So am i being paranoid? Am i being selfish? What do i say?
MadDog Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Then she is in a mood with me for some reason even though im letting her go out on friday and i could stil meet up with her on saturday. What do you mean you're "letting her go out?" It's not like you own her man. She's free to hang out with her friends and have fun if she wants as long as she's not acting disrespectful to you. She did say that she wanted to see me as well, but she wanted to go out as well. Also im worried that some guy will take advantage of her whilst she is drunk, because as u know when ppl are drunk they lose their inhibitions. I dont really like her best mate as i think she is a bad influence on her, and i know her best mate is only gonna go out on the pull and im worried she will get my gf involved in it What is so wrong with her wanting to both hang out with her friends and hang out with you? It'd be one thing if she said she's going to hang out with her friends instead so she can't spend any time with you. By the way, when people get drunk they don't do anything that they don't WANT to do. They just stop worrying about the consequences but it's not like they start acting crazy and do things they're against doing. My gf did say she gets a bit horny/turned on and is quite silly when she is drunk, which only doubles my worries. So am i being paranoid? Am i being selfish? What do i say? I think you're being a bit selfish here. What I think might be happening is that you're being a bit controlling/needy and she's probably sensing that. She probably feels more of a need to keep grounded by hanging out with her friends. By the way, you could just as easily take her out for a drink or five when you two get together. MD
Author thisisarandomperson Posted March 9, 2006 Author Posted March 9, 2006 Well when i said im letting her go out, i meant it as in i wasnt gonna force her to come out with me on friday. I didnt mean it as in i own her in anyway. Well the problem is that we live far apart, so we dont get to see each other often. We planned this over a week ago, and then her best mate just asks her today and my gf just changes her mind. I just think that is a little insensitive, as she didnt even consider how i would feel about it. Well she could still end up pulling another guy or something and she might not think of the consequences at the time (which is losing me for good). Well maybe i am being a bit selfish, but she is being a bit insensitive as we dont get to see each other that often. She could go out with her friends any day of the week, but she would only get to see me on certain days of the month
catgirl1927 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Why didn't you just tell her how you felt when she first asked you if she could bail on your plans? I agree that it's kinda rude to change plans at the last minute, whether it's with friends or boy/girlfriends or whoever. But you can't tell her it's ok and then lie to her and get all upset. Just tell her the truth.
Author thisisarandomperson Posted March 9, 2006 Author Posted March 9, 2006 Thing is, if i say anything then she gets all moody with me. Its difficult for me to tell her how i feel whenever she does anything that upsets me because then she goes all quiet and stuff
PlentyLV007 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Thing is, if i say anything then she gets all moody with me. Its difficult for me to tell her how i feel whenever she does anything that upsets me because then she goes all quiet and stuff maybe because the things your getting upset about are kinda silly.... I understand you want to c her and probably really miss her, but at least she'll be there Sat.
catgirl1927 Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Thing is, if i say anything then she gets all moody with me. Its difficult for me to tell her how i feel whenever she does anything that upsets me because then she goes all quiet and stuff Well you guys should work on communication. I say that, like I'm so tough, I have the same problem. My BF gets angry and defensive when I tell him he's doing something that upsets me. It's really not good, we both need to be more assertive about our feelings. As long as we're careful that we're not being silly, which is ALSO something I do.
the_alchemyst Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 Actually, I would be pretty upset, if I were you. I think that it is rude to change plans and bail at someone at the last minute. You said that both of you had made plans since a week ago, so her telling you she wants to do something else instead only a day before meeting up is rude. Plus, you say you live far apart from one another and get little time to spend with each other. Does she see her friend often? If not, is it a distance problem also or is it because she just doesn't want to or doesn't have time? If she can see her friend more often than she can see you, then I think that she can postpone the date with her friend instead. I don't know about her or the rest of you, but I enjoy spending time both with my boyfriend and my friends. However, I will admit that I would chose spending time with him over spending time with my friends, especially if I don't see him often. Maybe she just wants to go out and have a drink--that's fine, really. What's not fair is the way she changed plans so abruptly. However, I do think that you should have told her. When she told you that she wanted to do something else, you should have told her that you disliked the fact that she was putting your date of and that doing so made you feel bad. After letting her know, then she can make a better informed decision, as she will now how you are really feeling. Had you told her, maybe she would have gone out with you on Friday, as planned, and with her friend on Saturday. Also, by telling her that you had plans, anyway, don't you think that you put her in the position to feel the same way you are feeling now? Sure, she cancelled first, but you, instead of being honest, told her that it was fine since you were busy anyway, so she can pretty much say the same thing about you. I suggest that you let it go now, as telling her the truth at this moment may cause her to get angry, because it'll seem like you're just playing around. Just wait until you see her to tell her what you really think and feel.
Author thisisarandomperson Posted March 9, 2006 Author Posted March 9, 2006 Well her best friend lives like 15mins away from her. What also upsets me is the fact that she would prefer to spend time with her friend than with me. She can see her friend anytime, but she wouldnt be able to see me anytime. She did say before ( a while back ) that she would always put her friends and family first. I sort of understand that for now as i havent known her as long as her friends and family have. Well she just wants to get drunk, and i hope she doesnt do anything stupid :S I did want to tell her how i was feeling but i didnt want to upset her. If i had told her that i was upset and stuff, i would then feel that i had forced her into going using emotional blackmail, and thats what i dont want.
MadDog Posted March 9, 2006 Posted March 9, 2006 She did say before ( a while back ) that she would always put her friends and family first. Well then why are you complaining? She made it clear in the beginning that she prioritizes her friends over the guys she's dating. You can't pretend like she never told you this. Some people have been hurt in previous relationships and realize that their friends will always be there for them even though boyfriends/girlfriends can come and go. Maybe once you two have been together for a longer time and are more serious, things will change a bit. Well she just wants to get drunk, and i hope she doesnt do anything stupid :S I did want to tell her how i was feeling but i didnt want to upset her. If i had told her that i was upset and stuff, i would then feel that i had forced her into going using emotional blackmail, and thats what i dont want. She isn't a kid. She's reponsible for her actions and if she gets drunk and crosses the line (e.g. she makes out with some guy), then you dump her. What you shouldn't do is give her hell in the anticipation that she might do something stupid. That's kind of like arresting someone for a crime you're afraid they'll commit. MD
Author thisisarandomperson Posted March 9, 2006 Author Posted March 9, 2006 Well im 17 and she is nearly 17 (in april). She hasnt actually had a boyfriend since she was about 11, so it has been a long time
country gal Posted March 10, 2006 Posted March 10, 2006 well what i'm hearing is some definate communication issues as well as some trust issues. i do think you have a right to feel like she ditched you on friday becuase lets face it, for whatever reason (and despite a reschedule date), she did. that would concern me as well. on the flipside you should have told her the truth - whether your afraid of her reaction or not. and there are ways of communicating feelings without making the other person feel like they are being blamed or criticized (e.g. you know, when you changed our meet up day, it made me feel like i wasnt that important to you .... vs. you would rather get drunk than see me) also, it doesnt matter if your gf's friend is on the prowl or not... it does not mean that she is too. so if tahts your concern, drop it.... if, however, you do truly believe taht she might shag some other dude, then i would seriously reconsider this relationship. Good luck
Recommended Posts