grateful Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I certainly don't want destroy my well preserved strength and resolve. I have accepted that our relationship is over. Now I need to move on....really move on. And I am doing it....by God, I am doing it. And I feel good about myself, and I don't want to do anything that will prevent my recovery. Thank you for your advice. I am going to follow it. You are more than welcome. I want to thank you also because reading your story, and your kindness to other posters as well, has really inspired me. Your strength and resolve are priceless, precious, and irreplacable. It helps me to hear how you are maintaining them, and inspires me to maintain mine too.
Author Walking away Posted March 16, 2006 Author Posted March 16, 2006 If my life can provide a source of inspiration to someone, then it has not all been in vain. A chapter of my life has been closed, but I am hopeful for a new beginning some day. Hugs to you all....
Lishy Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 WA you have good morals and that is hard at times! You deserve happiness but that man cannot give you that! You are doing the right thing and we are here in your darkest hours! Be strong!
Author Walking away Posted March 16, 2006 Author Posted March 16, 2006 Thank you... I am still holding strong, but, I must admit, I have cried a little today. Hard letting a love go, even if it is wrong, you know?
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 WalkingAway, I am rooting for you, too! On post #98, you stated that you have resolved not go to the concert and that you are trying to move on. I just want you to know that will take amazing strength so don't discount yourself! Also, someone on this forum said something very insightful that I want to pass on to you: "live well, live happily ... so that your MM knows that you've moved on... and you will eventually know that, too." Love is hard to give up. I know that first hand! But it is really not your choice to make. You can love him, but you can't make the choice for him to live with you. Also, deep down, I'll bet you wouldn't want it that way - because you know that you are taking him from his established lifestyle (which he also likes). As much as I love my MM, I cannot in my heart wish for him to choose me. But I am in a different situation. IMHO, I agree that you should not go to the concert. Why risk having your heart broken again?
Author Walking away Posted March 16, 2006 Author Posted March 16, 2006 I agree with you. My heart has been broken enough these last six months. Now is the time to start repairing it. It is with utter sadness that I tell you that I will not attend the concert. But, I won't. It will take an almost heroic amount of strength on my part not to get on that plane and fly out there....but I will resist. I am sure I will hurt at the time of the concert, knowing that I could have been there. But, I am sure that the pain will pass. It always seems to. Thank you so much for your support. Today, I am heavyhearted but still hopeful for a better day tomorrow.
scarletletter Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 You are doing very well.....keep it up and don't look back. You should be proud of yourself for coming this far.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 I am sure I will hurt at the time of the concert, knowing that I could have been there. But, I am sure that the pain will pass. WALKINGAWAY, I don't know if you've read my story, but I can tell you that back in February, my MM invited my H and I to join him at a week-long trip. I fought and fought within myself... and finally, I did resist to go. (My H also declined because he didn't want to go without me.) When the week of trip came, I became irritated and depressed. I was angry at myself for not going. I had some of the worst fights with my H that week. Then I took a trip by myself for 2 weeks. I relaxed in the beach. It was just me and the beautiful beach. I can't say that I have fully recoved, ie. fell back in love with my H. But I don't want to be with my MM anymore. I am seeing things differently now. I hope this helps.
Author Walking away Posted March 16, 2006 Author Posted March 16, 2006 It does. As a matter of fact, I was considering changing the airline reservation and flying somewhere else next week. I find the ocean to be quite therapeutic. I think I would like very much to just sit on the beach somewhere and think.
grateful Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 It does. As a matter of fact, I was considering changing the airline reservation and flying somewhere else next week. I find the ocean to be quite therapeutic. I think I would like very much to just sit on the beach somewhere and think. That seems like a really good idea. Sort of a compromise. And you will be doing it for yourself. You really are amazing - keep yourself strong!
No Stress Lady Posted March 16, 2006 Posted March 16, 2006 That seems like a really good idea. Sort of a compromise. And you will be doing it for yourself. You really are amazing - keep yourself strong! Absolutely. Time away to yourself is invaluable in this kind of situation. Head for the coast and let the peace and the space and the ocean wash those feelings away and remember how strong you've been and how much stronger you're going to become with every day that passes.
Author Walking away Posted March 17, 2006 Author Posted March 17, 2006 Perhaps I will do this.... I am terribly sad tonight. Next week is going to be a very difficult week, I fear.
Ladylay Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Perhaps I will do this.... I am terribly sad tonight. Next week is going to be a very difficult week, I fear. Be strong you have come so far
scarletletter Posted March 17, 2006 Posted March 17, 2006 Walking Away... Just wondering how you are doing and if you are keeping yourself busy. I fear that one day I will be in the same situation as there is "trouble brewing in my paradise" right now. Not sure why but I just have not been feeling as good about my relationship as usual. I think it is reading all of these posts that is making me feel that way...but I will keep reading, because I like to be prepared for anything that may occur. I think I am being paranoid but who knows? I can't let it consume me like others here. I do worry about you though and hope you are doing okay.
Author Walking away Posted March 18, 2006 Author Posted March 18, 2006 Just got home from work. I am not going to lie... I feel like my heart has been ripped from my body. It hurts to breathe. My stomach is down by my feet. Now I remember this pain.... And, one of my co-workers is going to see the very musician I was supposed to see a week after I was supposed to go. All day long she talked about it...and my stomach lurched. I had to walk away from her. I have been crying since I've gotten home from work. I hurt. Simple as that.
whichwayisup Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 Let yourself grieve and cry. It's something you have to do until you can't cry anymore. I'm sorry for your pain, but it's better now than another 2 years from now and then getting your heart broken even more... Try and get some rest, put the TV on in bed. Tomorrow when you get up, DO something special for yourself. Even if you have to drag yourself OUT, do it anyway, you'll feel abit better.
Author Walking away Posted March 18, 2006 Author Posted March 18, 2006 All day long I kept telling myself, "I know I did the right thing. I know I did the right thing." But, geez.....this hurts.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 I know how that feeling... like your heart is being torn out of your body and cut into a million pieces. {Hugs}
Author Walking away Posted March 18, 2006 Author Posted March 18, 2006 I was so stupid. I actually thought that when it was finally all over, that it would be a relief. Instead, I am utterly heartbroken.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 I was so stupid. I actually thought that when it was finally all over, that it would be a relief. Instead, I am utterly heartbroken. WA, of course you feel heartbroken. You loved this man! But he was not meant to be with you... When I was fooling around with my husband's best friend, I was also secretly hoping that he'd leave soon (he was visiting for 2 weeks and stayed at our place) because I thought that I'd feel relief, that I'd get my life back and that I wouldn't need to sneak around, etc. WRONG! I was torn! Never felt so much for someone before! But it will get better. I haven't seen or talked to my OM for 4 months now. There are some moments that I really miss him, but not too much. Time has also allowed me to see things in a more pragmatic way. It took me a long time, but I have finally understood this: Even if he does divorce his wife sometime in the future (which is a very likely scenario considering how often they've talked about the D) and I also happened to be divorced, we would still not get together. I have become much, much more protective of my heart and can't imagine giving it to him again. The lust is gone, I think? WA, if you think hard about why you are obsessed with this MM, perhaps, you can see that he is really nobody special?
RecordProducer Posted March 18, 2006 Posted March 18, 2006 WA, I am sorry you feel like this, but it will go away sooner than you think! We always get over those boogers, right? You have five children? WOW! Brave mamma! :bunny: :bunny: Can I distract your attention from the MM and ask you what happened to your previous marriage?
Author Walking away Posted March 18, 2006 Author Posted March 18, 2006 Sure, you can distract me all you want. Perhaps it will help. I have been married twice. My second marriage occurred after I had found myself a single mom with three daughters. (You can read about my first marriage on another thread...can't remember which one, though. I was picking up the pieces of my life: full time college student, being a single mom...you know. I met my second husband in a chemistry class. We were lab partners. He said he instantly fell in love with me on sight. Went home and told his best friend he had just met his future wife. I, however, saw him as a really neat friend. Well, the friendship grew. We married...had two children together. Had two fetal demises between the last two kids....He was in the military...Military intelligence. Excellent soldier, by the way. I went into nursing school (yes, with the five kids). Anyway, between him going TDY (temporary duty - which means duty away from the family for sometimes months at a time), and me staying busy in nursing school and taking care of the kids, we started to grow apart. So, 6 months before I was to graduate from nursing school, I took him out to breakfast. Told him that I could see that we were drifting apart. Told him that we should seek counseling to help bring us together. He didn't feel that need. Told me to see a counselor if I felt there was a problem. I didn't. So, we gradually grew further apart those next few months. On New Year's Eve, the two of us were at a murder mystery dinner sitting with older couples that were hugging each other, smiling, happy. I, of course, asked the usual questions...how long have you been married?, etc. They were all so happy, and I looked over at my husband and I told him I was lonely. And, I said, "if I am going to be lonely, I am going to be lonely alone." It was the defining moment for me. Our marriage had died a slow death for me. As for him, he was destroyed. He moved out, then came back at night. Told me he COULDN'T leave. Cried. Begged. It was absolutely horrible. I can still remember, all those years ago. But, I could see that there was nothing left. We had grown so far apart and had changed so much, that there was nothing to do. I am a restless spirit....Content in life, but also someone who never settles in relationships...(Can you believe I found myself in my current situation?...It almost makes me laugh) I graduated from nursing school six months later...valedictorian of my class-with no help from him at all. He seemed to have disappeared out of our lives. That was seven years ago. We attempted a reconciliation last summer. It was my idea...for the family, and because I felt convicted by God to do it. It failed miserably. We had changed so much...I didn't even know this man. We had literally not seen each other's faces for the past five years. But, we tried. He is now in Afghanistan, and I am here with the kids. We are friends now. He e-mails the kids, and calls on rare occasions. Nothing really special about the end of the marriage....just that it died with a whimper. Two people that just couldn't find their way back to each other, I guess. He tried like the dickens last summer to get me back...But, hard as I tried, I coiuldn't develop any feeling for him. I wish I could have. He is a good man. But, as we all now, the heart wants what the heart wants. And, my heart didn't want him. Six months later, I my my MM.... And, here I am today. Feeling battered and bruised, but somehow a little stronger today.
Author Walking away Posted March 18, 2006 Author Posted March 18, 2006 WA, if you think hard about why you are obsessed with this MM, perhaps, you can see that he is really nobody special? I am sure you are right. In time, I will not see much special about this man. But, he adored me....and I saw it in his actions and words UNTIL he had the chance to leave. And he didn't. So, I had no choice but to leave the situation. I hope that I do not find myself obsessing over him. I feel broken hearted - not really obsessed. Sad....sometimes overwhelmingly, but it passes. I have much to be happy about. Great kids, a super job, friends that love me. I know I will be okay...Just going through the grief process....and I hate it. My head has left this relationship. Now I just need my heart to catch up.
RecordProducer Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 Well you wanted to live life with passion and breathe with full lungs... so you got it. (Trying to cheer you up a li'l!) It's better to love then suffer than live a lonely life. It's better to suffer cuz you love than cuz you don't. You'll get over this MM and love another... and another... Isn't that exciting? Think about your future and the uncertainty it brings. You sound financially (and even emotionally) pretty much independent. You sound like a woman who knows how to organize her life. You'll be just fine. You know that a broken heart is a disease we have to go through a few times in life and nobody is immune to it. But time and new love cure everything. What you're feeling now is a demon that's trying to fool you and persuade you that he was the best and you'll never love anyone like that again. But you'll love even more and find your true love. A MM is nobody's true love.
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